Tim Torkildson's Clown Alley

  A tofu wrap will Santa get with almond milk tonight; his cookie days are over -- he must change his appetite. No sugar and no dairy in thi...

  Gathered home I long to be, now and for eternity. Final haven, sheltered shore; where my sorrows come no more. Bind my wandering heart to ...

  The issuing of Pardons is a presidential perk; even when that president is nothing but a jerk. Perhaps he thinks St. Peter at the Pearly G...

  There may be a Santa Claus, but there is no list. I'm talkin' about The List -- the one that has the names of all those who get to...

  The scriptures say one moonless night this land was bathed in broad daylight. A sign that in far Bethlehem the Christ was born, all woe to...

  Uncle Sam says Walmart stores pushed opioids like cheap s'mores. Walmart counters with the claim that Uncle Sam should take the blame....

  "No! No! No!" cried the Inspector shrilly, when I tried to hang a string of pickled walnuts on my Christmas tree. "That ite...

  This life is a probation, to see which we will choose -- to live with God forever, or His alliance lose. You cannot have it both ways, mix...

  There was one too many in the pool. I did a surreptitious head count, just like everyone else. "Alright!" yelled our instructor,...

  Tuna salad for my lunch really packs a grody punch; people who then catch my breath will go into 'sudden death.' Luckily, with mas...