Ledes & Limericks. Friday December 5 2018

In a decision upholding the First Amendment and tradition of
investigative journalism, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled
key parts of an Idaho “ag-gag” law, which permits state authorities
to jail anyone who conducts undercover investigations and secretly
records animal abuse, are unconstitutional.  From shadowproof.com    

@kgosztola

No longer can authorities arrest the writer who

Goes undercover to expose abuse down at the zoo.

The elephants have got a voice; the cows can now go ‘moo.’

If dogs go to the New York Times, there’s nothing cops can do!

DOW AT 25,000, THE PARTY HAS TO END, BUT WHEN?

@JamesStewartNYT

When stocks take a trip to the moon,

Investors may just want to swoon.

But my stern advice

Is don’t roll the dice --

Get out while you still call the tune.

An estimated 191 million spectators world-wide now watch esports competitions—
where people play videogames—at least once a month, more than double the
number from 2012. Revenue from corporate sponsorships, media rights,
ticket sales and other sources is on track to top $1 billion by 2019,
according to videogame industry tracker Newzoo BV.   from the Wall Street Journal

@saraheneedleman  

A videogamer replied

To parents who sobbed and who sighed:

“Don’t let your teeth gnash --

I’m making big cash;

I just bought a Swiss mountainside!”

President Donald Trump’s nominee to lead the troubled Indian
Health Service appears to have misrepresented his work experience
at a Missouri hospital to a Senate committee,
according to former employees at the hospital.
 From the Wall Street Journal.

Recounting past achievements it is easy to inflate

The numbers and the honors, and to ditch the boilerplate.

Government positions are a special case in point --

Applicants are prone their past achievements to annoint.

Robert Weaver fudged a bit upon his resume --

But does that make him worthy of the Senate yelling “Nay”?

What legislator is there who can cast the leading stone

And say they never claimed a thing that turned out overblown?

Of course we cannot overlook his fibbing with a wink,

And must apply a punishment that makes him really think.

Instead of putting him in charge as some department head,

He should be appointed as an aide to Trump instead!

Trump refugee policies helped slow inflow to just over

5,000 in first quarter    from the Wall Street Journal

A refugee from Ecuador

Couldn’t get in the front door --

He snuck round the back

But found there a lack

Of welcome he’d heard of in lore.

réponse à un e-mail d'un ami

Vous avez certainement animé mes soirées. Habituellement, vers six heures, je suis fatigué et mon cerveau a cessé de fonctionner pour la journée et est allé dans un bar pour me saouler, me laissant un zombie à tête vide. Mais aujourd'hui, c'est une énergie et une concentration extraordinaires pour moi - et je ne sais pas pourquoi. Ce matin, j'ai assez sauté du lit pour me rendre au Centre de Rec pour ma baignade, puis j'ai marché jusqu'au marché pour un bagel frais, sur lequel j'ai étalé une épaisse couche de fromage à la crème au saumon. Il a été remarquablement bon pour moi; Je souris tout le temps et j'ai écouté le Concerto pour piano 21 de Mozart sur votre adorable Chromebook. Puis j'ai écrit, écrit, écrit pendant des heures, créant une douzaine de limericks, jusqu'à 14h, quand j'avais une pomme de terre au four avec quelques restes de poulet rôti, puis j'ai fait une sieste incroyable jusqu'à 4. Puis j'ai travaillé sur tout le courrier. soumissions que j'ai été trop paresseux / malade / distrait à traiter pour les 2 derniers mois. La plupart du travail que je reçois est drek, mais quelques pièces montrent une étincelle et de l'originalité.

Les boulangers boulangerie dépose du pain artisanal expiré ici à l'immeuble les mardis et jeudis, alors j'ai attrapé une miche de romarin / huile d'olive italienne rustique et mangé un gros morceau étouffé dans le beurre, avec une boîte de sardines arrosées de jus de citron frais sur le côté. Pour le dessert, j'ai eu un peu plus du pain, grillé et étalé avec de la marmelade d'orange. Puis je me suis rasé (j'aime bien me raser le soir, pas le matin), j'ai brossé les dents, j'ai fait mes prières et j'ai découvert ton unique email qui m'attendait, comme un cadeau à la fin d'une journée parfaite. Et j'ai complètement oublié de quoi il s'agissait. Je ferais mieux de le lire à nouveau. . . Oh oui, le bébé UPS. Les belles femmes aiment être complimentées sur leurs regards, et je ne vois rien de mal à admirer la vue. Je suppose que si cela génère une énorme quantité de luxure que vous ne pouvez tout simplement pas contrôler, vous feriez mieux de garder une baignoire d'eau glacée sous votre bureau et quand elle viendra immédiatement y plonger vos pieds - cela détruira toutes les idées profanes. Je le fais après une longue marche, parce que mes pieds ont l'impression qu'ils brûlent, et c'est la meilleure diversion que je connaisse qui ne soit pas illégale, immorale ou grossissante. Il me semble que tu aimes chercher des choses à te reprocher. Pourquoi s'embêter? Laissez quelqu'un d'autre vous critiquer - vous devriez être président de votre propre fan club. Et je voudrais demander un autographié 8 par 10 brillant, s'il vous plaît. . .


Je vais poster cette réponse sur mon blog - mais ne vous inquiétez pas, je vais le mettre en français! Personne ne sera plus sage.

Photo Exhibit #2. Postal Art: What I Saw at the Circus.

L'art postal (également connu sous le nom d'art postal et art de la correspondance) est un mouvement artistique populiste centré sur l'envoi de petites œuvres à travers le service postal. Il s'est d'abord développé à partir de ce qui est finalement devenu la New York Correspondence School de Ray Johnson dans les années 1950 et le mouvement Fluxus dans les années 1960, bien qu'il se soit depuis développé en un mouvement mondial qui continue jusqu'à présent.

No title. By Anja Mattila-Tolvanen. Finland.

No title. Piero Astraldi. Italy.

No title. Janys Oliveira. Brazil.

'Please, Send Me Documentation.' by Miche-Art-Universalis. Belgium.

Ledes & Limericks. Thursday January 4 2018

The spit-roasted chicken emerged as a supermarket staple in the 1990s,
paving the way for the array of prepared foods that grocery stores sell today.
Now they are many grocery stores’ best-selling hot food item and a rare bright spot
in an industry struggling to adapt to a shift away from packaged foods.  From the Wall Street Journal.

I think that I shall never see

A bird on a rotisserie

That I don’t find a toothsome sight --

And normally the price is right.

I bring one home and strip the skin

And eat it all -- I know it’s sin,

But when you’re dealing with such baste

You cannot beat such scrumptious taste.

A bird and baguette near at hand,

And I am Falstaff -- fat and grand.

No other chicken dish equates

With what that turning pole creates!

Trump Lawyer Demands Book

Critical of President Be Shelved

@rebeccaballhaus

The Donald would like to see checked

A book that shows him as suspect

In turning around

And being a clown --

How much will the author collect?  

FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE, ONE LAUNDRY LOAD AT A TIME.

From the New York Times

@stanleyreed12

I’m washing my clothes with enzymes;

It saves on the soap and the dimes.

But should it ferment

My shirts get the scent

Of beer and belated good times.

俳句：液体の夕べ

夜は流れ落ちる 嵐の後の融解水のような ぬるま湯で溢れる



evening flows down
like meltwater after a storm
flooding with wet warmth

Photo Exhibit. Postal Art Display: What I Saw at the Circus.

These items were mailed to the Provo Museum of Mail Art during the last part of 2017, and are just now being added to our catalog.

"Arlequin" by Miroslav-Batan Blagojevic, of Serbia. 

No title. Postcard. Contributed by Chiara Pizzamigli, of Italy.

No title. By Makhlouf Yasmina, of Paris, France. 

"From a Montreal Newspaper." Contributed by Diane Bertrand, of Quebec, Canada. 

If you would like to send a postal art piece on the theme: "What I Saw at the Circus" feel free to mail to:

Provo Museum of Mail Art

c/o Tim Torkildson

PCHA Building

650 W  100 N

Suite 115

Provo Utah  84601  USA

There is no entry fee. All submissions become the property of the Museum, and will be digitally displayed on this web site. As of right now, there is no deadline for submissions. We have extended the deadline indefinitely, because of the large and continuing number of contributions.

le besoin d'amour

Jésus a averti que les iniquités dans les derniers jours deviendraient si grandes "que, si possible, ils tromperont les élus mêmes, qui sont les élus selon l'alliance" (JS-M 1:22, voir aussi Matthieu 24:24) . Je comprends que cela signifie que finalement même les plus fidèles des saints de l'alliance du Seigneur deviendront contaminés et menacés par les philosophies modernes. Je crois que c'est pour cette raison qu'à moins que ces jours ne soient raccourcis, aucun de nous ne pourrait rester longtemps indifférent à de telles tendances.

Theodore M. Burton

Jesus warned that iniquities in the last days would become so great “that, if possible, they shall deceive the very elect, who are the elect according to the covenant” (JS—M 1:22; see also Matt. 24:24). I understand this to mean that eventually even the most faithful of the Lord’s covenant Saints will become contaminated and threatened by modern-day philosophies. I believe it is for this reason that unless these days are shortened none of us could long remain unaffected by such trends.

from Theodore M. Burton's 1979 talk "The Need for Love." 

Ledes & Limericks. Wednesday January 3 2018

Kim Jong Un Says He Has a Nuclear

Launch Button on His Office Desk

There once was a nutty old fake

Who blew up the world by mistake.

He buzzed for his tea,

But the button, you see,

Sent missiles the US to bake.

With the collapse of the Greek economy and unemployment at 21%,
pensioners are providing the main source of income for half the people
in the country. Some Greeks are even yanking their elders out of nursing homes
so they can make use of pension payments that would otherwise flow to the caretakers.  
From the Wall Street Journal

There once was an elderly Greek

Who lived in a nursing home bleak.

His kids had him yanked

To have his funds banked

For them to help run a boutique.

The Vandal and the Mosque:

A New Chapter of Forgiveness

in Arkansas

@stavernise

Forgiveness -- a wonderful word!

To shun it would be too absurd.

When offered, twill bless

Ev’ryone -- more or less;

It should be our planet’s watchword.

Investigative journalism is not dead.

Ask Roy Moore and John Conyers.  From the Washington Post

@callumborchers

Though fake news continues to rise/Before reader’s wondering eyes/The writers who snoop/

To bring us real poop/Are still our most loyal allies.

I’m Taking a Cigar Break. See You in Three Hours, 26 Seconds

@CharlesPassy

There was a young man from Pine Bluff

Who on a cigar took a puff.

He could not discern

How someone could yearn

For anything tasting so rough.

Powerful yet addicted to power:

Why the New York Times is in the hot seat so often

@Sulliview

The paper of record regrets

Nothing it ever begets.

A fact may not check

But, hey, what the heck --

We’re busy protecting assets.

Washington Attorney General Sues

Motel 6 for Sharing Guest Info With Feds

After long and weary miles, while driving through the sticks,

It’s nice to find a motor court like good ol’ Motel Six.

The sheets are clean, the shower’s hot, the clerk’s a pleasant guy --

Who also works for Uncle Sam as immigration spy.

So if you sign in as Gomez or Sancho or Patel

You might have agents coming for you at that darn motel.

They’ll want to see some evidence that you are kosher, see?

And then they’ll let you go back to Black Mirror on TV.

But if you cannot show them you belong here in the States

They’ll lodge you absolutely free behind some prison gates.

Then after you have suffered from the bedbugs and the ticks

They’ll take you far away from any good ol’ Motel Six . . .

Ledes & Limericks. Tuesday January 2 2018

EU Competition Chief Tracks

How Companies Use ‘Big Data’

A person in Brussels once found

That Big Data had got around

To using his thoughts

In sending robots

As pedlars to on his door pound.

A gelatine made from donkey hides is prized

As a traditional Chinese remedy.

Now slaughterhouses have opened

In Africa, and domestic animals are

Disappearing from villages.

From the New York Times

@RachelNuwer

The life of a donkey is sad.

Their skin drives the Chinese quite mad.

Boiled down as a glue

It cures yaws and flu --

In bed they become Galahad.

Alabama Newspaper Staffers

Accuse Publisher of Spanking

From The Cut  

@lisarya  

Reporters are naughty sometimes,

And for editorial crimes

Their boss must be quick

To wield a big stick;

It stirs up their well-read enzymes.

Dairies Are Awash

in Organic Milk

as Consumers Jump

to Alternatives

From the Wall Street Journal

@heatherhaddon

@b_parkyn

The pampered cow has been replaced

By almond trees, from which a paste

Is churned to be drunk --

The cows, in a funk,

Are laying the countryside waste!

un avertissement aux hommes

Je supplie instamment chacun de nous de respecter nos privilèges en tant que détenteurs du sacerdoce. Dans un jour à venir, seuls les hommes qui ont pris leur sacerdoce au sérieux, en cherchant diligemment à être enseignés par le Seigneur Lui-même, seront capables de bénir, de guider, de protéger, de fortifier et de guérir les autres. Seul un homme qui a payé le prix du pouvoir de la prêtrise sera en mesure d'apporter des miracles à ceux qu'il aime et de garder son mariage et sa famille en sécurité, maintenant et pendant toute 

l'éternité.   President Russell M. Nelson.

I urgently plead with each one of us to live up to our privileges as bearers of the priesthood. In a coming day, only those men who have taken their priesthood seriously, by diligently seeking to be taught by the Lord Himself, will be able to bless, guide, protect, strengthen, and heal others. Only a man who has paid the price for priesthood power will be able to bring miracles to those he loves and keep his marriage and family safe, now and throughout eternity.  President Russell M. Nelson.