How to Shave. In the tradition of Robert Benchley.

My words are high above my deeds

My words are high above my deeds,
like butterflies above the weeds;
they sail on thermals of resolve,
while here below my acts dissolve.
I never will bad language use,
until I really blow a fuse.
I'll give lots more to charity,
then suffer from austerity.
More frequent prayers I vow anew,
but sleep in late and cliches spew.
My aspirations, like a kite,
so often now fly out of sight.
I hope the Lord will think it droll,
and not foreclose upon my soul.
Please help me prudent words prepare,
and stop producing dry hot air!

A Fifth Part of Their Ziff

Mosiah 11:3 -- And he laid a tax of one fifth part of all they possessed, a fifth part of their gold and of their silver, and a fifth part of their ziff, and of their copper, and of their brass and their iron; and a fifth part of their fatlings; and also a fifth part of all their grain.

What are taxes to the Lord? They're rendered unto Caesar.
Does He care if they are large or measured with a tweezer?
Half of all Norwegians earn is taken by the state,
but who has ever heard of them lamenting their hard fate?
Here in North America we give up so much less,
and yet we cry out constantly in anger and distress.
Again I ask does Heaven weep when tribute is required?
What treasure do our hearts love best -- can it be called inspired?
The fat of rams or widow's mite, a pound or two of ziff;
Excuse my flippant attitude, but really -- what's the diff?
It isn't what we earn or spend or have to pay in tax
that determines if we'll live in mansions or in shacks.
The giving heart that overflows with gratitude insures
that God will give us what we need as long as life endures. 

Truth has no glamour

Alma 1:5 -- And it came to pass that he did teach these things so much that many did believe on his words, even so many that they began to support him and give him money.

Repetition of a lie cannot improve its worth;
it remains a useless thing, though spread across the earth.
But strange to say, if oft-affirmed, deceit will riches bring,
conveying to the fabulist the trappings of a king.

Truth repeated does not bring a heap of wealth untold;
its value cannot be compared to silver or to gold.
It's reiteration has no glamour; tis a duty
that's performed without the aid of style or tempting beauty.

Each day brings lies and truth to us by screen and deed and voice;
we must look to the messenger before we make our choice.
Choose carefully what you believe, for rushing blind has brought
many to great folly, bound by Satan's silken knot. 

True messengers are hard to find amidst the din and strife.
But once discovered, cleave to them and they will save your life!
Bitter though it seems at first, the flavor ripens fast;
the truth will take you home to God, where you can rest at last. 

Your faith is but an ignorance . . .

Helaman 16: 20 & 21 --  But behold, we know that this is a wicked tradition, which has been handed down unto us by our fathers, to cause us that we should believe in some great and marvelous thing which should come to pass, but not among us, but in a land which is far distant, a land which we know not; therefore they can keep us in ignorance, for we cannot witness with our own eyes that they are true.

    And they will, by the cunning and the mysterious arts of the evil one, work some great mystery which we cannot understand, which will keep us down to be servants to their words, and also servants unto them, for we depend upon them to teach us the word; and thus will they keep us in ignorance if we will yield ourselves unto them, all the days of our lives.

We beg you to be generous in all that you can teach;

but never do we want your testimony -- do not preach!

Your knowledge holds great power and we want our lawful share,

but of your gospel fairy tales we only say "Beware!"

Do give us facts and figures, so the mighty arm of man

can rear imposing pyramids and awful chasms span.

But of this distant land that in the future will produce

miracles -- to us it is bad logic quite abstruse!

Mindless and destructive are traditions that exhort

belief in rumors and unproven gossip and report. 

We've seen your power on behalf of what you call your faith;

perhaps it is mysterious and done by evil wraith.

However it is done, don't think we'll be your willing slaves;

our freedom we do cherish, though it leads to early graves! 

Your faith is but an ignorance of how things really are;

we prefer to keep our trust inside a glass bell jar!  

. . . they altered their reckoning . . .

Alma 11:4 --  "Now these are the names of the different pieces of their gold, and of their silver, according to their value. And the names are given by the Nephites, for they did not reckon after the manner of the Jews who were at Jerusalem; neither did they measure after the manner of the Jews; but they altered their reckoning and their measure, according to the minds and the circumstances of the people, in every generation, until the reign of the judges, they having been established by king Mosiah."

A senine or a senum is the value of good barley
in a bushel basket (which does minimize the parley).
So neither gold nor silver was the basis of their gain;
instead they measured ev'rything by ev'ry sort of grain.
A Nephite bank spurned metal as their raw material;
instead they floated loans based upon the use of cereal.
Apparently Mosiah as the king made this great change;
a righteous use of mammon he did try to rearrange.
No shekels and no talents for the Nephites -- they refused
to hobble their economy with old ways much abused.
Seon, shum, and limnah were their coins of solid gold.
Amnor, ezrom, onti, was their silver coin, all told.
With these they managed to construct a realm that still amazes,
before their sinful pride and wars sent all of them to blazes.
So may we prosper with our dollars in a righteous wealth,
and barter not with devils to gain anything by stealth! 

Fairy Tales and Bombast

Alma 9:6 -- "And they said: Who is God, that sendeth no more authority than one man among this people, to declare unto them the truth of such great and marvelous things?"

And who is God, the people say, in wicked pride consumed;
to give us His commandments without regal strut and plumed?
Why should we heed the Gospel when it goes against the grain;
when those who bring it forward as so weak and meek and plain?

And so the people clamor for magicians and for knights,
for fairy tales and bombast and great quotable sound bytes. 
Celebrity endorsements are the truth that fools do crave,
as fashion leads them gaily to a foul and open grave.

 An anchor in the scriptures and an iron rod belief,
a faith that grows like redwood, and a tolerance for grief --
these can keep me from the sweeping tides of deviltry,
so I will always honor my own true Paternity.  

The Community of Saints

" . . . a major reason the Lord has a church is to create a community of Saints that will sustain one another in the “strait and narrow path which leads to eternal life.”  D. Todd Christofferson. 

One day I fell asleep at church, and visions filled my head;
the angels lifted me straight up and put me back in bed.
They said I could stay home forever, never go to meetings,
never have to wake again or struggle with false greetings.

For I am not a 'joiner', and prefer grand solitude --
the majesty of Nature, where no one is ever rude.
To spend so many hours on a pew amongst the crowd
is not how with the spirit I intend to be endowed.

But then a Voice said unto me: "I was once alone,
in a garden where I suffered till I had to groan."
"Feed my sheep and stay with them -- forgive them when they stray."
"Be a friend to others and my friend you'll always stay."

Delightsome

Words of Mormon 1: 8 --  And my prayer to God is concerning my brethren, that they may once again come to the knowledge of God, yea, the redemption of Christ; that they may once again be a delightsome people.

When traveling in company, as all of us must do,
are my companions able to command the proper view?
Despite their strength and power, or their intellect supreme,
are they but ringing false and glitter with a pyrite gleam? 

I do not wish to be their judge, but only seek to find
companions with a firm and steady joyful cast of mind.
Knowledge of the Christ makes of companions the right sort --
delightsome and kind-hearted, full of neighborly support!

The Poet's Prayer

"God gives to man the challenge of raw materials, not the ease of finished things. He leaves the pictures unpainted and the music unsung and the problems unsolved, that man might know the joys and glories of creation.”  President Thomas S. Monson.

When I take a little thought or have found a simple word
that will fit into my poem, then my heart is greatly stirred;
so I think that God must love all creation so much more
than my infant mind can grasp, and I want to give a roar!
Bless all artists, Lord, I pray; though we're vain and foolish all --
save us only from ourselves, and whatever is banal . . .