Limerick

When weight you would like to slough off,
your metabolic rate starts to scoff;
whether paleo or parve,
you simply must starve.
and eventually you're back at the trough. 

Recruiting for the Ward Choir

Awake ye sluggards and ye sloths who will not raise your voice
and come unto Ward Choir where your spirit will rejoice!
No matter what your vocal range, no matter how you bleat;
we welcome you with open arms to come and take a seat!
We sing the songs of Zion and we hope the angels hear
our warbles and our tremolos and high notes without fear!
No training is required and no voice is too awry;
the only thing that matters is you really want to try!

Opening up a mint

Alma 22:3 --  "for I have been somewhat troubled in mind because of the generosity and the greatness of the words of thy brother Ammon"

I wish my generosity would trouble people's head,
not make them think I am a whining panhandler instead.
It's true I haven't much of worldly goods, but why should that
keep me from performing like DiMaggio at bat?
To give a smile or say kind words to others without stint
is just as great and worthwhile as opening up a mint!  

You Never Stink to Anyone Who Loves You Just Enough

Alma 19:5 --  "and some say that he is not dead, but others say that he is dead and that he  stinketh, and that he ought to be placed in the sepulchre; but as for myself, to me he doth not stink."

You never stink to anyone who loves you just enough
to take you as you are with edges jagged, even rough.
I envy those who have a spouse that never sought release
from the claims of marriage with a bunch of legalese.
Learn from one whose bitter life is solitary now;
Love should not be buried 'neath the world's distracted plough. 

Limerick

There once was a candidate, Trump;
who found that nobody would jump
at playing with fate
as his running mate.
Perhaps he can get Forrest Gump.

The Annual White House Press Corps Dinner

When ribbing the grand Fourth Estate
the President's stuff was first-rate.
His zingers were keen;
reporters turned green
and thought about old Watergate.

Since trees have souls

Moses 3:9 --  "And out of the ground made I, the Lord God, to grow every tree, naturally, that is pleasant to the sight of man; and man could behold it. And it became also a living soul."

Since trees have souls we all should hark
to pain inflicted peeling bark.
And our humanity renege 
when pulling on a sickly twig.
Yet trees need pruning to produce
a harvest that can be profuse.
I'd rather lots of fruit provoke
then spend my life as poison oak.

No Beer In Venezuela

From today's Wall Street Journal:

CARACAS, Venezuela—The largest private Venezuelan company and producer of 80% of the beer consumed here began to shut down its last beer plant on Friday, the latest deprivation in a country crippled by shortages.

In Venezuela the malt

has pretty much come to a halt.

Things have got gnarly

without any barley;

you cannot brew beer with rock salt. 

God's Daily Gifts

Alma 10:5 -- " . . . for I have seen much of his mysteries and his marvelous power . . .

The swarming ants upon the walk, the slanted rays of light,
the budding, bursting, green of life before my blinkered sight;
the sliding mist upon the slopes, the smell of earthen wet,
the babe upon its mother's breast -- how is it I forget?
The wonders and the miracles come at me thick and fast
and at my heedless shallow soul I feel a bit aghast. 
I do not need great miracles, nor voices from the mount;
I only need God's daily gifts to recognize and count!

A friend to the king

Alma 18:3 -- " . . . we know that he is a friend to the king . . . "

Even hardened despots on their thrones of pomp and gold
can be affected by attendants serving them eightfold.
For loyalty is such a thing as gives a servant power
over all the great ones that he serves upon the hour.
I do not know who makes a king or president appear;
I only know that if we serve we ought to be sincere.