A 2013 report from the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations estimated that 44 percent of the methane — a heat-trapping gas 25 times as potent as carbon dioxide — associated with human activity comes from the global livestock industry. Most of it is released through the animals' front ends.
from the Washington Post
There once was a gassy old cow
who burped up methane from her prow.
She caused such bad blood
because of her cud,
they chopped her into puppy chow.
Friday, December 23, 2016
Albuquerque concedes forfeiture was illegal, continues with illegal forfeitures
Authorities in Albuquerque
treat the law like a roast turkey.
They slice it the way
they want it to lay;
enforcement is all herky jerky.
treat the law like a roast turkey.
They slice it the way
they want it to lay;
enforcement is all herky jerky.
The Christmas Pickle
Sascha Müller of the Lauscha glass center, in the eastern German region where the making of glass Christmas ornaments started in the mid-19th century, said he had learned of the Christmas pickle for the first time in the 1990s, on a trip to Frankenmuth, Mich.
from the New York Times
Hang a pickle on your tree,
Christmas morn you'll happy be!
Ev'ry child should feel the thrill
of the Yuletide's bright green dill!
If a pickle you ain't got,
try a carrot or kumquat.
Decorate howe'er you want;
me, I like a fresh croissant!
from the New York Times
Hang a pickle on your tree,
Christmas morn you'll happy be!
Ev'ry child should feel the thrill
of the Yuletide's bright green dill!
If a pickle you ain't got,
try a carrot or kumquat.
Decorate howe'er you want;
me, I like a fresh croissant!
Light the World #24
But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.
D&C 93:40
To give your children light and truth, it must reside in you;
otherwise you give them nothing more than blurry view.
Cleave to honest light and candor, praying night and day
that all you do and say is done the Savior's joyful way.
For angels hover closer than you know by ev'ry child,
lighting up their minds to follow Jesus Christ the Mild.
Our little ones, like stars above, will twinkle happily
when we use the lamps of that great Man from Galilee.
D&C 93:40
To give your children light and truth, it must reside in you;
otherwise you give them nothing more than blurry view.
Cleave to honest light and candor, praying night and day
that all you do and say is done the Savior's joyful way.
For angels hover closer than you know by ev'ry child,
lighting up their minds to follow Jesus Christ the Mild.
Our little ones, like stars above, will twinkle happily
when we use the lamps of that great Man from Galilee.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Your Christmas Card is coming late
Your Christmas card is coming late; I hope you do not mind.
I sealed them in their envelopes, but left them all unsigned.
And so I had to open them; the envelopes were spoiled.
Then fruitcake crumbs spilled over them, and thus the cards were soiled.
Going out to buy some more, I slipped upon the ice,
and cracked my funny bone so hard it needed quite a splice.
The dollar store was out of cards that showed the proper cheer,
(besides, the envelopes were cheap -- refusing to adhere)
I rummaged in my dresser till I found some old ones that
didn't look too dog-eared and could still be pressed down flat.
A dab of Wite-Out did the trick -- they were as good as new.
But then I started sneezing and I came down with the flu!
The agony and runny nose cannot here be described;
the doctor was a slacker and just Tylenol prescribed.
I lay in bed for days and days, subsisting on thin soup,
ignoring all my duties like a blasted nincompoop.
And when I had recovered I discovered amidst cramps
that I had gone and run completely out of postage stamps.
The Post Office was frantic, and the line ran out the door.
The stamp machine was broken (OMG -- can there be more?)
The supermarket sold me stamps -- I bought some discount meat,
and spent the night regretting it upon my toilet seat.
At last the cards were good to go, but one of Trump's lackeys
hauled me in for questioning about 'the strawberries'.
And if you're not familiar with that literary trope,
Merry Christmas anyways from this here misanthrope.
I sealed them in their envelopes, but left them all unsigned.
And so I had to open them; the envelopes were spoiled.
Then fruitcake crumbs spilled over them, and thus the cards were soiled.
Going out to buy some more, I slipped upon the ice,
and cracked my funny bone so hard it needed quite a splice.
The dollar store was out of cards that showed the proper cheer,
(besides, the envelopes were cheap -- refusing to adhere)
I rummaged in my dresser till I found some old ones that
didn't look too dog-eared and could still be pressed down flat.
A dab of Wite-Out did the trick -- they were as good as new.
But then I started sneezing and I came down with the flu!
The agony and runny nose cannot here be described;
the doctor was a slacker and just Tylenol prescribed.
I lay in bed for days and days, subsisting on thin soup,
ignoring all my duties like a blasted nincompoop.
And when I had recovered I discovered amidst cramps
that I had gone and run completely out of postage stamps.
The Post Office was frantic, and the line ran out the door.
The stamp machine was broken (OMG -- can there be more?)
The supermarket sold me stamps -- I bought some discount meat,
and spent the night regretting it upon my toilet seat.
At last the cards were good to go, but one of Trump's lackeys
hauled me in for questioning about 'the strawberries'.
And if you're not familiar with that literary trope,
Merry Christmas anyways from this here misanthrope.
Should we be worried about the decline in life expectancy?
New government data, however, is raining on the longevity parade. Life expectancy in America declined by a fraction in 2015, worrying some health officials who fear the change may mark the beginning of an ominous trend.
from Deseret News
There was a young man from Hamtramck
who thought that old age was flimflamck.
"I'd rather die young"
he said as he sprung
in front of a train and went "Whamck!"
Santa at the Wall. (Suggested by Gary He's photography)
There was an old fellow, St. Nick,
who started to feel quite homesick
for Holidays past
when walls grew less fast
and hearts did not grow quite so thick.
Light the World #21
And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.
D & C 88:67
Fill me with light so no darkness remains;
I would be released from my ignorant chains.
Too long have I turned a blind eye to my sins;
losing myself while Beelzebub wins.
Have mercy, O Lord, on my flickering flame,
and lift me above the black valley of shame!
D & C 88:67
Fill me with light so no darkness remains;
I would be released from my ignorant chains.
Too long have I turned a blind eye to my sins;
losing myself while Beelzebub wins.
Have mercy, O Lord, on my flickering flame,
and lift me above the black valley of shame!
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
In breakthrough experiment, scientists shine a light on antimatter
Even physicists have a hard time wrapping their minds around antimatter. But now, for the first time, they are able to measure it.
from the Washington Post
To measure a thing that's not there
will certainly take lots of care.
Like antimatter,
which just likes to shatter.
(Or the logic of pricing airfare)
light cleaveth unto light;
. . . light cleaveth unto light . . .
D & C 88:40
Light attracts light as the dawn attracts day.
Brightness and glory are now on their way.
The darkness of frigid and useless belief
flees as the Savior now brings us relief.
My candle of faith make a torch, then bonfire;
then lightning to show what the Lord can inspire.
But if I am called to be only a spark,
I will search for more light while refusing the dark.
D & C 88:40
Light attracts light as the dawn attracts day.
Brightness and glory are now on their way.
The darkness of frigid and useless belief
flees as the Savior now brings us relief.
My candle of faith make a torch, then bonfire;
then lightning to show what the Lord can inspire.
But if I am called to be only a spark,
I will search for more light while refusing the dark.
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