. . . access is now the end goal of Christians in Washington.

. . . access is now the end goal of Christians in Washington.

from the Washington Post 


To sup with the devil you need
some longish utensils indeed.
The same will hold true
for those Christians who
want access to Trump and his breed. 

Other Men

Except thou do this, thou shalt be delivered up and become as other men, and have no more gift.

Doctrine & Covenants 3:11

Other men need money and other men partake
of foolish fabrications that lead to rich heartbreak.
Other men are pliant, when rigid discipline
is needed to acquire a bridle for each sin.
When gifted men and women ignore their duty plain
they are as other people -- with more remorse and pain.
The gifts of God are errant, and wander far away
if we be not heedful and let allegiance stray.  

‘Special snowflake’ is the Triscuit of insults. Banish it in 2017

A flexible language is good.
But it should be well understood
Inventing new words
That are 'for the birds'
is bitter caprice, like wormwood. 

When your supermarket or nail salon is also the neighborhood bar

Movie theaters, grocery stores, nail salons, fast-food restaurants and other businesses that haven’t typically offered alcohol are trying their hand at it, hoping to draw customers with craft beer, wine and other offerings. Two new [Califronia] state laws have made it easier for some businesses to provide liquor.

from the LA Times 

A young fellow from Santa Cruz
would shop as he guzzled some booze.
He found that a bar
at his local bazaar
did not help him pick the right shoes.

and his sword is bathed in heaven

and his sword is bathed in heaven

from the Doctrine & Covenants. Section One. 

A weapon that will cleave in twain

all that's wicked, all that's vain.

No one may withstand its blade,

whether mortal or dead shade.

Keen, remorseless; edged with doom

for fools who play at devil's groom.

Whetted in the blood of Christ,

The righteous to it are enticed.

Why it's so hard to get your hands on the Christmas toy your kid really wants

 Some toy makers purposely hold back supply in an effort to drum up attention and incite a potential sales boost once more are released post-holidays, analysts said. 

from the LA Times

A mother who lived in Long Beach
found toys for her kids out of reach;
with lines round the block
and then out of stock,
she pulled out her hair with a screech. 

Mother and Child

This night a mother suckles her newborn babe, both refugees
from tyranny and death and other agents of unease.
Tonight may ev'ry mother find the heart to persevere 
in the face of sorrow without overwhelming fear.
The Star of Bethlehem shine on the two of you always
and keep the Herod-men at bay with power from its rays.

The Way of the Lefse

Like the 'Way of the Gaucho', the 'Way of the Lefse' is a mysterious lifestyle that you have to be born into. Those who are not initiated early into its ritual are never fully able to understand and embrace it. It is not about potatoes. It is not about butter, sugar, and cinnamon. It is most definitely not about calories and weight gain.

Rather, it is a mindset that involves toiling over a broiling hot round griddle with a pine wand flattened at one end used to weave a Nordic magic redolent of burnt flour and soggy pine cones. The end result is often considered inedible by the Southern nations of the world -- places like Italy, Brazil, and Australia consider lefse a hiss and byword. It is outlawed in Tasmania; anyone caught trying to smuggle it into the country is pilloried without scruple.

The Way of the Lefse began as the only way to destroy the mid-winter potato threat in Norwegian households. Being a prudent, not to say hoarding, bunch, Norwegians begin collecting burlap sacks of raw potatoes in late autumn, and continue through the Yuletide season. By then their rustic cottages are so jammed with spuds that there is no space left to sleep. So the wily Norsk starts boiling up the potatoes in huge kettles, then mashes them with flour and butter, rolls them out, and cooks them up on a griddle. The result makes a tasty mid-winter snack, or can be used to patch the roof after a nasty syklon.  

During the process of lefse-making, it is traditional -- nay, expected -- that other foodstuffs and potent beverages will be brought out to nosh on. Pickled herring; goat cheese; flagons of aquavit -- a generous smorgasbord is spread before the lefse makers to keep up their stamina and strength. The whole process will continue late into the night -- or until the alkohol runs out.

The next day the entire household is usually paralyzed with calorie poisoning and stays in bed until the rats start gnawing on the yule log. At least, a few of the poisoned will imagine they see rats gnawing on the yule log . . .

The Way of the Lefse is only for the hardy Northern soul. All others should go read the Pickwick Papers or some other sentimental Holiday pap and drown their seasonal sorrows in treacly eggnog.

Dog poop, GPS trackers and security cameras: Cracking down on Christmas package thieves

Customers are increasingly using Amazon, EBay and other retailers to buy goods they previously purchased in stores — especially around Christmas, when UPS delivers more than 30 million packages per day in the week before the holiday.
The problem is that many of those package end up on unattended doorsteps, unlocked mailboxes and stoops. All this curbside commerce has created a new class of criminal dedicated to pilfering as many packages as possible.

from the LA Times

A sneak thief who lived in L.A.
with packages oft got away.
The cops set a trap
involving dog crap;
that crook now is sure guano pay!  

In Indonesia, an Islamic Edict Seeks to Keep Santa Hats Off Muslims

This month, the Indonesian Ulema Council, the country’s largest body of Islamic clerics, issued a religious edict barring Muslims from wearing Christmas-themed clothing, specifically those working in shopping malls, department stores and restaurants.

from the New York Times

A stupid old cleric insisted

that Christmas time should be resisted.

He said the great Allah

would certainly hollah

if goodwill to people persisted.