Tim Torkildson's Clown Alley

Friday, September 8, 2017

Chief Joseph and Arborvitae Oil

The saga of Native Americans since their introduction to our pioneering forefathers has been, for the most part, a sad one. Many historians (all Caucasian) predicted that all of the Native American tribes would die out by the end of the twentieth century. Fortunately, this has not been the case -- and today many Native American tribes are starting to flourish once again.

One of the noblest of the Native American leaders and peacemakers during the last few skirmishes between the Native American tribes and the United States Army was Chief Joseph, of the Nez Perce. His Northwest Pacific tribe was forced to flee into Canada in 1877 when the treaty they had made with the United States Government through the Indian Agency was summarily revoked.

While in Canada, members of his tribe suffered a great deal from pleurisy, bronchitis, whooping cough,and pneumonia. Reaching out to the medicine men of the surrounding tribes, Chief Joseph discovered that they all used the sap from the heartwood of the Thuja plicata tree -- otherwise known as Red Cedar or arborvitae. Distilling the oil from the bark, leaves, and wood, arborvitae oil was also rubbed into leather vests during the damp winter months, to fight off chills and infections. Chief Joseph brought this knowledge back to his own tribe, and soon his people regained much of their health and vigor. He became a lifelong advocate of arborvitae oil, even going so far as to encourage his people to put down their weapons of war and start planting Red Cedar plantations around Kooskia, Idaho -- telling his warriors “It is better to plant trees than to plant bodies.”

In modern times we use arborvitae oil as a wood preservative and to diffuse in our homes to discourage flying insects from entering. It has many other uses as well, which your Wellness Advocate will be happy to explain to you.

Contact doTERRA Wellness Advocate Amy Snyder at thorshamme84@gmail.com

NOTICE TO READERS: The information contained in this blog is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any emotional or physical condition, illness, or injury. The author, publishers, and distributors of this blog shall have no liability or responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any and all alleged damage, loss, or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information contained in this work. This work contains suggested uses of oils based on acceptable dosage amounts recommended by the manufacturer. The author makes no claim to have verified or validated these suggestions. The readers must validate acceptable dosage amounts from the manufacturer before application. The information in this book is in no way intended as a substitute for medical advice. We recommend that all readers obtain medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional before using essential oils for any reason.

The Slush Fund

The invention of the slush fund is a boon to all mankind;

The government stays in the chips while honest folks stay blind.

Agents with agendas go on famous shopping sprees,

And nobody’s the wiser when accountants swarm like bees.

So pay your taxes honestly; the money that you sweat

So hard to earn is spent by agents who have no regret.

The end will justify the means, although a bit corrupt --

And who cares if the whole damn country winds up as bankrupt?

I wish I had a slush fund I could draw from ev’ry day,

To drive a red Ferrari and drink loads of chardonnay.

But since I can afford just crackers and some sliced baloney,

If government will leave me be I’ll pay my alimony!

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Movie Review: Hellzapoppin'

The movies never got crazier than in 1941’s “Hellzapoppin.” This is the original film fruitcake, as in ‘nuttier than.’ In a matter of 80 minutes this movie crams in more gags than any other picture made by the likes of Mel Brooks or David and Jerry Zucker. It is a compendium of gags -- stealing with unblushing delight from Vaudeville, Music Hall, Circus, Keystone Kops, Max Fleischer, and Commedia dell’arte.

Nobody remembers the stars of this film, Olsen and Johnson -- and, indeed, they are lackluster and eminently forgettable. Their true genius lies in the incredible variety of spoofs, jokes, one-liners and sight gags they disinter for our delectation. Martha Raye and Hugh Herbert are on hand to pump the silliness level up to a few thousand millibars.

Never mind the plot -- there isn’t any. Just watch it to keep track of the number of gags. Last time I watched it I recorded 212 true blue gags. In this movie, comedy is not king -- it’s Godzilla, flattening all in its remorseless path of belly laughs. You may need a straightjacket yourself if you view it more than once a year.

The film is in the Public Domain, and a good copy exists on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2TOriWWSLE

Those who wonder and perish

Behold, all ye who are despisers of the works of the Lord, for ye shall wonder and perish.

No kingdom or wealth, no tyrant or state,

Avoids being stricken by God’s knowing fate.

No lie that is forged for display as the truth

Will march past the Lord’s ever ready tollbooth.

The spirit of scorn works as poison in those

Who think that they know what they ought to suppose.

There will be no rest, only perishing flame,

For those who reject the dear Lord’s loving name.

Replacing Christopher Columbus with Prince

A few thousand Minnesotans — and counting — have signed a petition to replace a Christopher Columbus statue at the State Capitol with royalty.

Progressive activist Wintana Melekin started the petition Aug. 27. “Rather than glorify a man who wanted to extinguish black and native peoples, we should honor members of our community whose leadership we find inspirational,” she wrote.

Prince, the petition said, brought people together unlike Columbus. Prince preached peace, love and understanding, and advocated social justice in many of his lyrics, but he wasn’t a governor or a political force in the traditional sense.

from the Minneapolis Star Tribune

A mob at the state capitol tore down the sacred bust

Of Christopher Columbus, treading on it in the dust.

They said he was a tyrant and a murderer supreme

Who merited no statue and should not have their esteem.

They did not waste a moment nor remorse at all evince;

Instead they put a statue up of Paisley Park’s dead Prince.

Grasping a guitar and facing towards the golden dome,

it appeared quite arrogant and thoroughly at home.

But then another crowd appeared, with news that made men stagger --

They wanted to replace ol’ Prince with a statue of Mick Jagger!

Soon the hubbub reached a pitch that called for intervention,

And like good Minnesotans they all called for a convention.

Consensus was not possible with such diversity --

And so all statues were destroyed -- which surely was a pity.

So now there’s nothing on the grounds except some dusty grit --

For even fescue cannot grow with such a lack of wit.

Benjamin Franklin's Magic Cane

In 1762 Benjamin Franklin conducted a series of experiments to find out if the phrase “pour oil on troubled waters” had any basis in scientific fact. The ancient historian Pliny claimed that sailors often poured a barrel of olive oil overboard during stormy weather to calm the waves. Franklin’s project was a bit more modest. He took a cruet of oil to a nearby horse pond on a windy day and discovered for himself that just a touch of oil would settle the waves on the entire pond, reducing the friction of the wind to such an extent that, in his words, “the pond became as smooth as a looking glass.”

Having discovered this fascinating scientific fact, Franklin’s spritely sense of humor came into play. He had a hollow walking stick made, into which he could keep about a pint of olive oil. By pushing on the head of his stick, he could release the oil surreptitiously from the bottom of his walking stick whenever he wished.

For years after, the great inventor and patriot would astonish friends whenever they were near a small body of water on a windy day, by casually announcing he would stop the action of the waves by dipping his walking stick into the turbulent water -- and then doing so, at which point the waves would immediately cease.

In today’s world we don’t literally spread oil on troubled waters -- that would be considered polluting our environment! -- but we do use a variety of essential oils to calm troubled nerves and digestive systems. Check with your Wellness Advocate to find out which essential oils are best for your specific aromatherapy needs.

Amy Snyder -- Your Wellness Advocate

For further information, and for an absolutely free, no obligation, sample of three of the most commonly used oils, including lemon and lavender, contact Wellness Advocate Amy Snyder at http://bit.ly/2eH1D3D Please put your name and address in her Comments box. She has used these superb essential oils for years herself and will be delighted to share her experiences with you in a professional and friendly manner!

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Movie Review: San Diego I Love You

Back in the 1940’s Universal Studios made a series of extremely whimsical comedies starring some of the best eccentric character actors around. You could enjoy Shemp Howard, Edgar Kennedy, Eric Blore, Robert Greig, Charlotte Greenwood, Irene Ryan, Hugh Herbert, and Edward Everett Horton strut their peculiar stuff in quickie B movies shot on the Universal backlot -- which was a fascinating microcosm of World War Two Americana.

One of the quirkiest films of the period is “San Diego I Love You,” starring the nonpareil Edward Everett Horton. There’s a dreary love plot, of course, but if you can manage to fast forward through that mush you’ll find some of the finest mugging and scene stealing in all of movie history. Horton is ably abetted by Eric Blore and Buster Keaton. This is the infamous movie where Keaton was offered ten-thousand dollars by the producers to smile onscreen. The Great Stoneface was hard up for cash at the time, so he did it. The result is rather ghastly.

No need to give you the plot -- storylines were all pretty much interchangeable for a Universal B picture: Boy meets girl, boy loses girl -- or girl loses boy; they get back together with the help of some expert zanies, and everything comes out in apple pie order.

The movie is not loud, but clever. It’s sentimental, yet surprisingly sharp in its observance of many small-town types. You need a big bowl of buttered popcorn, a quiet room and comfortable couch, and a penchant for yearning for the ‘good old days’ to really enjoy this movie. I highly recommend it if you want a true idea of what 1940’s America thought of itself.

And best of all you can live stream it on YouTube for absolutely free. The movie is in the Public Domain and the copy on YouTube is a crisp black & white with no cuts or scratches. It’s at this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WdCCMPErXs

Remembering the Midwest

I was a boy in the Midwest one time, immersed in the flat and the corn.

The sun came up summer like slow atom bombs, in winter like something to mourn.

The roads were all ditched with a cattail morass; the telephone poles sliced the breeze.

My mother canned peaches she bought off a truck, and served them with cold cottage cheese.

The bourgeois patina was thick as the dust that coated the dry gravel roads

We drove down to silos and tractors and homes with hand-painted little stone toads.

The grain elevators stood sentinel watch near tracks overgrown with milkweed,

And casseroles roamed -- macaroni and soup -- sprinkled with black poppyseed.

Watering lawns was an artisan craft, practiced by dads in shirt sleeves.

Gutters were misunderstood, so cold nights great icicles formed on the eaves.

I thought when I grew up I’d find a new place where people were not such dull dorks --

But all I discovered is that other folks never eat stew with their forks.

In Baseball, Oil's Well That Ends Well

Mookie Betts

In the American game of Baseball (always capitalized by those who revere the game), essential oils play an important role. Neatsfoot oil is used to soften up and preserve the leather gloves of catchers and outfielders. Until Hank Aaron made the crewcut stylish for players, the long luxurious locks of Baseball stars was kept in place with a blend of coconut oil and ylang ylang oil. And when the spitball was outlawed in 1920, a number of sly pitchers managed to bend the rules by rubbing their wrists with citrus oil, claiming it helped warm up their hands for pitching. Of course, some of that lubrication found its way onto the ball during the game.

But the most important function of essential oils in Baseball has always been in ministering to the knee joints of players. Baseball is one of the unique sports where players remain stationary for long periods of time, and then suddenly have to sprint like mad to catch a ball or make a home run. This puts tremendous pressure on the joints of the knees, and most players who are forced to retire early do so because they have blown out their knees.

To keep this from happening various players used, and are still using, essential oils rubbed into their knees, before, during, and after each game. Joe DiMaggio used oregano essential oil to lubricate his knees before each game. His teammate Lou Gehrig liked to slather coconut oil mixed with peppermint oil on his knees to such an extent that on hot summer days during a game the opposing team would nickname him “Coconut Cream Pie.” The top players today, like Mookie Betts and Anthony Rizzo, use proprietary blends of essential oils on their knees -- the exact ingredients are a secret, but Sports Illustrated Magazine says they include the essential oils of melaleuca, mint, and eucalyptus.

Are you having trouble with your knees? Talk to your Wellness Advocate today to find out which essential oils are best for the relief of stiff and painful knee joints -- You’ll be stealing second base again before you know it!

Wellness Advocate Amy Snyder

Contact doTERRA Wellness Advocate Amy Snyder at thorshamme84@gmail.com

The National Comedy Center

Now, in a multimillion-dollar gamble that will test the power of giggles versus geography, the State of New York has invested nearly $10 million in the hopes that it can turn Jamestown — which has no comedy clubs, no velvet ropes and no two-drink minimum — into an A-list tourist destination and a prime example of civic pluck triumphing over chronic malaise.

The draw? A $50 million museum and yuk-yuk Hall of Fame known as the National Comedy Center, featuring an array of artifacts and high-tech exhibits, including — no kidding — holograms of comedians, both dead and alive.

from the NYTimes

The National Comedy Center

Is looking for works to display

The nation’s humorous mindset

That people can look at -- and pay.

I suggest bricks and some mortar

From that wall down on the border.

Or a seat that’s been yanked from an airplane --

Such hilarious things are in order.

How about all of the marbles

That Congress has lost recently?

Or restrooms from down there in Texas,