"The only function of economic forecasting is to make Astrology look respectable."
John Kenneth Galbraith
Prospects were darkening; money was tight.
Experts all gathered to brainstorm and fight.
They came from all corners, and started to riot
when they found out they were stuck at the Hyatt.
Poofle from Harvard, and Schmidlap from Yale;
Krumforst from Stanford and Cindy from Vail.
Bingle flew in from Locarno at noon;
Vidh Krissik distributed toothpicks of poon.
They met in a conference room by a lake;
the pine trees had beetles, the white swans were fake.
The buffet was spread with impeccable taste;
the shrimp was uncertain, the sorbet was paste.
A tweet from the President left them in awe,
combining such ignorance with pure chutzpah.
He told them the trade war was sound policy
and walls along borders would help spending free.
Turning their backs on such bumfuzzled lore,
the experts took turns on the convention floor.
Bingle reported that Brexit would rear
British austerity and watered beer.
Poofle declared that the only recourse
to stifle inflation was bring back the horse.
With gasoline neutered and saddles promoted
loans of all sizes and shapes could be floated.
And Schmidlap was certain that bumblebees could
be harnessed as nuclear power for good.
Although the technology still was quite crude,
he thought they'd perform better if they were stewed.
Krissik and Hu Hee and Zambunni, too,
all had the chance to add zest to this stew.
When they had finished their fiscal survey,
their great manifesto was posted this way:
"We feel it incumbent on us to declare
that financial matters demand too much care.
And so we submit to the world and its folk
that money and finances are a big joke."
"Bitcoin and Brexit and OPEC and taxes
ought to be chopped up with dull-headed axes.
Use tree leaves for money; pick onions in May.
Stop hoarding your gold and just give it away."
"Inflation's a bugaboo that don't exist.
Help out your neighbor without any list.
Fill all the banks with gunpowder and so
let kids with matches run strike the first blow."
Well, you can imagine how this was received.
Trump was astounded and Putin was grieved.
Merkel and May and Macron and Jinping
thought it a useless and insulting thin fling.
NATO deployed round the building with speed
and wiped out each one of that dangerous breed.
Now on the site they've erected a plaque
that says the world's safe from a further attack.
Economists no longer gather in groups,
but travel as gypsies with small circus troupes.
They'll read you your fortune and sell you a charm,
but otherwise they cannot do the world harm.
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In response to my emailing this poem to my Congressman John Curtis, I received this response:
Dear Friend,
Thank you for contacting me and taking the time to share your thoughts on this important matter.
Although I will be sure to send you a more detailed response, I simply wanted you to know that your opinion has been noted and your voice has been heard.
It is a great honor to serve as your Representative in Washington, DC. I am humbled to take on this responsibility and look forward to serving our great state and Nation to the best of my abilities. To better stay in touch, please sign up to receive my e-newsletter through my website: Curtis.house.gov.
Sincerely,
John Curtis
Member of Congress
