The Scientific World of Reporter Carolyn Y. Johnson of the Washington Post

Carolyn Y. Johnson, science journalist at the Washington Post

A proud graduate of Amherst College and M.I.T., Ms. Johnson is one of the most respected science reporters in the United States. Her expose of the Flat Earth conspiracy led to a nomination for the Wedgewood-Mickelsen Pedantry Medallion -- and she would have gotten it, too, if the judges had not been overwhelmed by the Dennis Overbye claque from the New York Times.

But that's mouthwash under the bridge.

As a little girl, Ms. Johnson was not much interested in the hard sciences. She wanted to be a beach comber. By the age of twelve she had collected hundreds of combs in all sizes, shapes, and colors, and was saving her allowance to finance a trip to the pristine beaches of Koh Samet in Thailand -- where she intended to spend the rest of her life styling the sand.

A chance encounter with a stray cyclotron at the local zoo changed her plans, and it wasn't long before Ms. Johnson was squinting at test tubes and chewing on litmus paper in a frenzied attempt to prove that the Big Bang theory should actually be called the Big Bag theory -- that the universe began as a single plastic bag and that it would eventually shrink, through entropy and caloric stagnation, back into just a single crumpled plastic bag, blowing aimlessly through the empty cosmos. Although her theory won many adherents among the Albanian intelligentsia, it has not yet been accepted by the American Academy of Stilton Cheese Aficionados. Time will tell who is in the right.

When not explaining the difference between string cheese and string theory to Washington Post readers, Ms. Johnson enjoys bonsai experiments with toothpicks and collecting the abstract art of A. Douthwaite. 

She keeps her pet iguanas, Wheeler and Woolsey, in a drawer at the office -- and allows them to roam the newsroom at will. They often bring her the shredded remains of co-workers who are not fleet of foot. 

Her favorite cocktail is an Amboy Dewlap, made with non-GMO paint thinner. 

Robert Frost for Sale -- Spoofed Again -- Is New York the Safest Big City in America? -- Revenge of the Dreamers

The work’s four stanzas—spare, musical and haunting—have been memorized by generations, dissected by scholars and beloved by presidents. And now that they are beyond the reach of copyright law, anyone can emblazon them anywhere, from inspirational posters to beach towels. Composers can lyricize them. Teachers can photocopy them. FedEx can paint “Miles to go” on its trucks. “Easy wind and downy flake” would make a good line of dryer sheets and laundry soap. Frost’s words belong to the ages and to everyone.

by Steve Hendrix for the Washington Post

The prospering poet allows

marketers his work to browse

for some simple phrase

on billboards to blaze

to help shopping frenzies arouse.

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Many illegal robocalls use number spoofing to obscure their identities. The practice allows bad actors to display to recipients numbers that aren’t actually the ones they are calling from.

by Sarah Krouse for the WSJ

I never know who's calling now.

It's causing me to have a cow.

Is that Uncle Ed,

who seemingly said

"You just won a beautiful plow"?

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New York City remained the safest big city in the country in 2018 as the murder rate continued to drop. But the number of rapes and hate crimes reported to the police rose sharply, the police said.

by Tyler Pager for the NYT

You're safe in New York, yes you are.

From murder and mischief by far.

The thugs have decamped

for quarters less cramped --

they're now at the White House snack bar.

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Young immigrants, known as “Dreamers,” have become a political force over the last two decades as they have pushed Congress to overhaul the nation’s immigration laws. Part of a new wave of immigrant activists who mobilized this year to return control of the House to Democrats, Cruz and others in the movement see in President Trump an existential threat to their futures, and to their friends and family.

by Jazmine Ulloa for the LATimes

The Dreamers have woke up at last

and given their foes a real blast.

They're done asking 'please'

and with expertise

replace them with friends unsurpassed

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And they that know thy name

 And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.

Psalm 9:10.

Name the Lord always

and trust in his ways today

to find nourishment

I had rather be a doorkeeper

For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.

Psalm 84:10

his servants are near

ever near to his glory

and numb to soft seats

Postcards to President Trump

WSJ Reporter Erich Schwartzel Goes to the Movies

Erich Schwartzel, film industry reporter for the Wall Street Journal

Young Erich Schwartzel knew he would grow up to write about Hollywood and the movies. From a very tender age, when he was still on all fours, he began lisping the names of character actors from Hollywood's Golden Age:

"Fwankwin Pangborn"

"Hoo Herby"

"Hobart Cavanaughty"

"Zasu Patty-cake"

He won a full scholarship to the Mickey Rooney Acting Academy at the age of fifteen, and never looked back.

His penetrating critiques of blockbusters, Leonard Maltin mashups, and the occasional Bollywood foofaraw, have not gone unnoticed by the likes of Rupert Murdoch, who calls Schwartzel "Just Another Tax ID Number."  

His work is often reprinted in prestigious scholastic journals, such as the Muncie Indiana Star Press and the L.L. Bean catalog. 

A very private person, Schwartzel refuses to divulge his marital status, his alma mater, his shoe size, or even the name of his barber. But journalism experts speculate that Schwartzel is the former Hunarian architect Erno Rubik who has used plastic surgery and goat gland injections to alter his appearance and voice -- although his love of Ben & Jerry's Grand Goulash ice cream should be a dead giveaway.

Paparazzi often catch Schwartzel playing Parcheesi with Cate Blanchett or reading tea leaves alongside Cameron Diaz, but the handsome reporter insists he is not in a relationship with anyone except his personal shopper. 

When asked his opinion of the future of the movie industry, Schwartzel is quick to opine that "Everyone likes the movies except the public."

He is co-author, along with Tom Cruise, of 'The Gourmet's Guide to Cooking with Bosco,' which is now in its eleventh printing. 

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The Muslim Tax in Germany

So far, practicing Muslims have been excluded from that rule, but some leading members of the German government’s coalition parties appear determined to change that. Despite criticism from some Muslim communities, they maintain that a state-collected tax for all Muslims would help to boost moderate interpretations of Islam and counter the appeal of wealthy foreign donors who promote more radical interpretations.

by Rick Noack for the Washington Post

Religion, when taxed, sure would show

who has got faith with their dough.

What most folks would do --

Turn atheist, nu?

Or ask for tax credits to sow.

Great peace have they which love thy law

"Great peace have they which love thy law; and nothing shall offend them."

Psalm 119. Verse 165.

Great peace resides in all thy law;

to walk thy ways is rest.

Obedience brings happiness

and promise that I'm blessed.

With unoffending vigor will I 

ponder all thy writ --

and seek thy mercy, strength, and help

as I learn to submit.

Postcard to President Trump

Reporter Rolfe Winkler and the Golden Gate Bridge

Wall Street Journal Reporter Rolfe Winkler

Wall Street Journal reporter Rolfe Winkler has a special bond with the famous Golden Gate Bridge. In fact, you might almost say he has adopted it. That's because he likes to sell it to unsuspecting tourists on weekends -- to supplement his journalist's meager income.

Being a technology reporter in San Francisco is like being a showgirl in Las Vegas -- they are a dime a dozen, a drug on the market, and as such are paid mostly in Starbucks gift coupons and bus tokens. With an occasional jar of naval jelly thrown in for good measure.

But Winkler was not always a weekend cozener. Before he began his technology beat for the Wall Street Journal he developed a thriving business selling vinyl carpeting to Carthusian monasteries throughout Italy and Croatia. But when Prime Minister Primo Carnera set up a steep vinyl tariff in 2009, Winkler's empire went flatter than a roadkill snake. Penniless and prematurely hirsute, he gravitated to the newspaper trade because, he said, it was better than sailing gunboats up the Yangtze River -- the only other profession open to him during the Recession years. Recently Winkler claims that he was misquoted, and that what he really said was that it was better than sailing gumboots up the Yalu River. Either way, deep water is what he is wont to tread.

His alma mater is unknown, although word on the street is that he went to night school for a degree in woodworking.

He likes to relax with a wax effigy of Spalding Gray, which he takes to parties and introduces as Rupert Murdoch. So far, no one has been able to tell the difference.

He will reach perihelion on July 16th, 2021.  

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