Coconut Oil and Other Faded Fads

HONG KONG—Coconut oil prices have dropped by more than half over the past year as the commodity, which is high in saturated fat, has fallen out of favor in kitchens and factories.
by Lucy Craymer for the WSJ

The oil of the coconut once held great charm;

twas used in the kitchen without any harm.

Great for fried chicken and curries deluxe,

I think that they even put some in Starbucks.

But now it's diminished; it's bad for your health.

And so great plantations have lost all their wealth.

Triglycerides come and triglycerides go;

the public is fickle about oleo.

Pumpkin seed oil was once top of the hill;

now it no longer gives chefs any thrill.

Soybean oil is suspect on such levels

that people have claimed it is pressed by red devils.

Corn oil, canola, and rapeseed are viewed

as fatty assassins that should be tabooed. 

Peanut oil? Don't even mention that word;

it's only for frying a whole turkey bird.

Now olive oil's good, but its calorie count

comes in at a terrible chubby amount.

Palm oil is killing the rain forest trees.

And sesame oil is attractive to fleas.

Pistachio oil will turn ev'rything green.

Cocklebur oil is not good for your spleen.

Cod liver oil is beyond human pale.

Cottonseed oil makes smoked oysters taste stale.

It's back to the basics if you want to fry

meat and potatoes, or southern fruit pie;

so saute your foodstuff, including Swiss chard,

in pure melted tallow or maybe some lard . . . 

haiku

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 For the oppression of the poor, for the sighing of the needy, now will I arise, saith the Lord; I will set him in safety from him that puffeth at him.  Psalm 12:5.

Puffing at the poor

and oppressing the needy

are vain before God

Rashida Tlaib

At a reception Thursday night for the progressive group MoveOn.org, Rashida Tlaib vowed that the new Democrat-controlled House would be focusing on ousting President Trump from office . . . "we’re gonna go in there and we’re gonna impeach the motherf-----.”

by Amy B. Wang for the Washington Post

Congress sits in Heaven, as it does down here on Earth.

And dear departed members are now meeting without mirth.

A woman fresh elected to those hallowed halls below

has used such vulgar cursing that the angel's eardrums glow.

Speaker of the astral House, the honest Tip O'Neill,

gaveled them to order and began his weighty spiel:

"Members of the House and Senate, guests in gallery;

I come before you now with a most dreadful tragedy."

"A female member of the House has language used this day

that devils would not suffer even their own imps to bray.

Upon the Earth the pure in heart are shocked and angry now.

So what does this angelic group propose to do, and how?"

Up shot Huey Long, 'The Kingfish,' from his downy seat.

He looked upon the multitude as if he had sore feet.

"Mah fellow members, ah declare this gal must be chastised

afore the carnsarn people down there make her canonized!"

"Point of order!" Fishbait Miller, Keeper of the Door,

yelled from center field as he did stride upon the floor.

"Censoring of members, though their language is quite shocking,

would our Constitution make a thing of rags and mocking!"

Then stood Daniel Webster, and the silence was intense

as he said "Let Donald Trump full justice now dispense!"

(And way up in the gallery, by Special Dispensation,

Lucifer did mutter "Trump will soon be at MY station.") 

The meeting was in uproar, members shouting left and right,

when suddenly a woman stood and quelled the noisy fight.

Long ago Montana sent her to her Congress seat;

J.P. Rankin is her name, and now she spoke with heat:

"I voted 'gainst the entry of our country into war,

not once but twice despite the deep intimidating roar.

I vote again for peace and understanding, not for hate.

Let us now be tolerant and simply watch and wait."

Henry Cabot Lodge did second Rankin's proposition.

Hubert Humphrey hugged her for her principled decision.

And so the heavenly Congress is now marking time to see

just what Rashida Tlaib means to modern history . . . 

Postcards to President Trump

Norway Buys America

During a shutdown, the IRS can continue activities that protect government property, and the agency may bring in more workers soon to prepare for the income-tax filing season. Even during a shutdown, the agency still processes some tax returns that include payments, keeps computer systems running and continues criminal investigations. But the IRS generally doesn’t conduct audits, respond to taxpayer questions outside the filing season or—brace yourself—pay refunds.

by Richard Rubin for the WSJ

Although the thrush was singing, and the melted waters flowed,

the April air was heavy with the taxpayers sad load.

Toiling through the winter, while they waited for relief,

citizens would pay their bills in sullen silent grief.

For in the halls of Congress, and down at the White House too,

the government stayed shut down and no one knew what to do.

The IRS abandoned all attempts at refund work.

Their agents pulled in money, and then sat there with a smirk.

And old folks who required something extra for more meds;

young couples who were waiting to go out and buy new beds;

children who went hungry til the refund check arrived;

all of them now realized that they would stay deprived.

Parks went back to wilderness and grass grew in the streets.

Businesses went under, with no payment of receipts.

Money grew so scarce and tight that panic gripped the hearts

of brokers and their bankers and those blasted Wall Street tarts.

But suddenly the people all spontaneously did say:

"Sell the doggone country off to filthy rich Norway!"

"They've got coin enough to purchase us, there ain't no doubt."

"And they'll give us boiled potatoes with lots of pan-fried trout!"

For you see the Norway lobby had been busy so,

to buy America and make it bow down to Oslo.

Trump did not oppose it, and the Congress was asleep -- 

and so they bought us up just like a herd of silly sheep.

Refund checks were sent to one and all by those sly trolls.
Americans were happy to be on such rich tax roles.
And now we pay our taxes to their Gauleiters supreme;
our vaunted independence just an overburdened dream.

Has Congress Grown a Spine at Last? -- More Fraud in Iraq -- Drive by Heartburn --- Teacher Strike in LA.

The newly Democratic-controlled House passed a package of bills late Thursday that would reopen the federal government without paying for President Trump’s border wall, drawing a swift veto threat from the White House and leaving the partial shutdown no closer to getting resolved.

by Werner, Paletta, and Kim for the Washington Post

Fresh lawmakers grew a new spine;

no longer are they so supine.

To Trump they do say

we'll do things OUR way

(which won't change the old bottom line.)

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The company responsible for providing food and water for deployed U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan has been formally suspended after its former chief executive was charged with fraud in relation to an $8 billion troop supply contract, a U.S. official confirmed Thursday.

by Aaron Gregg for the Washington Post

U.S. troops must be well fed.

No more beans and moldy bread.

If it takes a billion, cash,

to keep them from eating hash

then I say a little fraud

with our troops who serve abroad

ain't a major crime, okay?

Long as all the loot will stay

in the hands of USA.

But if furriners do reap,

we must have a thorough sweep!

Patriots deserve their graft;

outsiders must get the shaft!

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General Motors Co.’s self-driving car unit, Cruise, and DoorDash Inc. plan to provide food deliveries via autonomous vehicles, the latest attempt to use driverless technology to improve the shipment of goods.

by Beckerman and Colias for the WSJ

I ordered a pizza one night.

Imagine my heady delight

when came to the door

my driverless score --

and I didn't have a tip fight!

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If teachers in the Los Angeles Unified School District go on strike Jan. 10 as planned, about half a million students won’t find their teachers, nurses, counselors and librarians at school.

by Sonali Kohli for the LATimes

Kids will find an empty school

quite a charming learning tool.

Raiding teacher's desks to find

homework that was not assigned.

Skateboarding down silent halls.

Turning on the shower stalls.

In the lunchroom frozen meat

will be thrown through plate glass sheet.

Kids will overwhelm the staff

that is left, for just a laugh.

Striking teachers, change your tack;

students do not want you back! 

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Postcards to President Trump

I Wanna Join the Army

The posters are accompanied by promotional videos that show young people in mundane jobs or acting out the stereotypes that older generations hold about those in their late teens and 20s. The videos then cut to scenes of those same young people using their focus or compassion to benefit the Army. On social media, the purpose behind this recruitment strategy was put simply: “The Army spots potential. Even if others don’t.”

by Katie Mettler for the Washington Post

I wanna be a soldier and be recognized for skills

that others only think of as some dire mental ills.

Although the sight of blood will make me quiver and fall down,

I like to use red lipstick on my face like circus clown.

I'm careless of equipment, always have been, dontcha know;

so putting me inside a tank would be a rodeo.

Allergic to loud noises, I can't fire any gun.

But I can wield a slingshot, cuz I'm really quite homespun.

I've athlete's foot and asthma and I don't like khaki pants.

But gee I think the Army would provide me great romance!

 So sign me up and ship me to a far and distant place --

and don't forget supplies like a stout brolly and briefcase!

Postcards to President Trump

Frog Legs for Mitt Romney -- Kim Jong Un -- Nancy Pelosi -- China Lands on the Moon

The image of a smiling Romney sitting with Trump over a dish of frog legs at a white-tablecloth dinner in late 2016 was being widely circulated by Romney critics as a reminder of his past ingratiation, in that instance as he considered joining Trump’s Cabinet as secretary of state. Trump aides say the president never came close to tapping him.

by Robert Costa for the Washington Post

Although he's quite a decent gent

Mitt Romney won't be president.

A junior Congressman is he,

yet old as a retiree.

What's more, the party demagogues

claim he has lost the vote of frogs.

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North Korean leader Kim Jong Un offered a new peace overture in his New Year’s address, saying his country is refraining from producing nuclear weapons, a gesture some experts interpreted as a potential opening for resuming talks with President Trump.

by Michael R. Gordon and Andrew Jeong for the WSJ

When Kim says production is stopped

on nukes, it don't mean he has flopped

and means to play dead
to earn back some bread;
he just likes appearing to opt.

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There was a brief moment in Nancy Pelosi’s life when she worried she had too much power.

by Sheryl Gay Stolberg for the NYT

Of things you can't have too much of,

one is power (and its love.)

Women, who have been oppressed,

do not treat it as a jest.

When they're in the driver's seat,

they can really take the heat.

But is power worth the cost

of those things that can get lost?

Humility goes by the board.

Mercy does not strike a chord.

Conscience seems to matter less;

all is fair in polls and stress.

I wish Pelosi all the best.

She can rule -- and I'll just rest.

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China’s Chang’e-4 lunar lander touched down on the far side of the moon Thursday morning Beijing time, the latest in a string of milestones that mark the nation’s determination to become a global leader in space exploration in future decades.

by Robyn Dixon for the LATimes

Though China lands upon the Moon

they'd rather send a large platoon

across Formosa Strait to fight

and make Taiwan a satellite.

Their appetite for conquest grows

like Pinocchio's thin wooden nose.

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