Postcards to President Trump

PETA Goes After Mary and Her Little Lamb -- The Loner in the White House -- A Small Town Newspaper

To the dismay of wool proponents who tout their eco-friendly credentials, they have landed on the wrong side of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The animal-rights group recently erected billboards in Boston and New York’s Times Square that display a nude picture of actress Alicia Silverstone with the phrase “Leave Wool Behind” across her backside.

WSJ

Bless the naked little lamb

who is taken from its dam,

sheared of comfort, warmth, and peace;

all so we can wear its fleece.

Don't you fret, my lamby dear;

soon no longer will they shear

off your fleecy wool for cloak --

prices charged will leave them broke!

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Put these trend lines together, and you are left with a picture of the U.S. stepping back from the world, while other countries—friend and foe alike—step in to fill the void. Much of this picture is the result of President Trump’s America-first impulses increasingly coming to the fore . . . 

WSJ

The White House is leaving behind

all of our friends, once aligned

to keeping our back

from sneaky attack -- 

so now our diplomacy's blind.

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“I am exactly like Mark Twain,” Russell said, continuing to type. “Except he was famous, talented and worked hard.”

LATimes

Newspapers are dinosaurs; why won't they go away?

The internet has all the news, and you don't have to pay.

No small town paper editor is gonna make a diff;

and what they print is usually of baseball or who is stiff.

If Mark Twain could see newspapers today, I think he'd cry;

they'd never print his story of Miss Jefferson's glass eye.

The Gig Economy -- Integrity in Journalism -- Who Can Afford Disneyland Anymore?

Earlier this decade, many researchers and journalists fretted that the gig economy was taking over the way people work.
WSJ

Economies that have gone gig

make the experts flip their wig.

But it turns out to be jive;

people love their 9 to 5.

Hustle ain't a trending deal;

most prefer their boss's heal.

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This is especially true in journalism, where integrity-above-reproach is the one characteristic reporters should cherish above all others. Because in the end, it all comes down to the million-dollar question: “How much is my integrity worth?” A million dollars? Fifty dollars? Something in between?

by Mark Saal for the Ogden Standard-Examiner.

A virtuous writer will spurn

hyperbole, though they may churn

facts and opinions

as Fourth Estate minions 

that often gives readers heartburn.

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Only months before the opening of its $1-billion Star Wars expansion, the Disneyland Resort announced price increases of up to 25% for daily tickets, annual passes and parking.

The increases, which took effect Sunday, come less than a year after the resort adopted price hikes of up to 18%. Under the latest increases, the cheapest daily ticket will be more than $100. Daily parking prices are rising to $25 from $20 — a 25% increase.

by Hugo Martin for the LATimes

To get into Disneyland now
will take all your savings, and how!
To guarantee parking
a loan needs earmarking.
For meals try Purina Dog Chow.


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Postcards to President Trump

Coconut Oil and Other Faded Fads

HONG KONG—Coconut oil prices have dropped by more than half over the past year as the commodity, which is high in saturated fat, has fallen out of favor in kitchens and factories.
by Lucy Craymer for the WSJ

The oil of the coconut once held great charm;

twas used in the kitchen without any harm.

Great for fried chicken and curries deluxe,

I think that they even put some in Starbucks.

But now it's diminished; it's bad for your health.

And so great plantations have lost all their wealth.

Triglycerides come and triglycerides go;

the public is fickle about oleo.

Pumpkin seed oil was once top of the hill;

now it no longer gives chefs any thrill.

Soybean oil is suspect on such levels

that people have claimed it is pressed by red devils.

Corn oil, canola, and rapeseed are viewed

as fatty assassins that should be tabooed. 

Peanut oil? Don't even mention that word;

it's only for frying a whole turkey bird.

Now olive oil's good, but its calorie count

comes in at a terrible chubby amount.

Palm oil is killing the rain forest trees.

And sesame oil is attractive to fleas.

Pistachio oil will turn ev'rything green.

Cocklebur oil is not good for your spleen.

Cod liver oil is beyond human pale.

Cottonseed oil makes smoked oysters taste stale.

It's back to the basics if you want to fry

meat and potatoes, or southern fruit pie;

so saute your foodstuff, including Swiss chard,

in pure melted tallow or maybe some lard . . . 

haiku

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 For the oppression of the poor, for the sighing of the needy, now will I arise, saith the Lord; I will set him in safety from him that puffeth at him.  Psalm 12:5.

Puffing at the poor

and oppressing the needy

are vain before God

Rashida Tlaib

At a reception Thursday night for the progressive group MoveOn.org, Rashida Tlaib vowed that the new Democrat-controlled House would be focusing on ousting President Trump from office . . . "we’re gonna go in there and we’re gonna impeach the motherf-----.”

by Amy B. Wang for the Washington Post

Congress sits in Heaven, as it does down here on Earth.

And dear departed members are now meeting without mirth.

A woman fresh elected to those hallowed halls below

has used such vulgar cursing that the angel's eardrums glow.

Speaker of the astral House, the honest Tip O'Neill,

gaveled them to order and began his weighty spiel:

"Members of the House and Senate, guests in gallery;

I come before you now with a most dreadful tragedy."

"A female member of the House has language used this day

that devils would not suffer even their own imps to bray.

Upon the Earth the pure in heart are shocked and angry now.

So what does this angelic group propose to do, and how?"

Up shot Huey Long, 'The Kingfish,' from his downy seat.

He looked upon the multitude as if he had sore feet.

"Mah fellow members, ah declare this gal must be chastised

afore the carnsarn people down there make her canonized!"

"Point of order!" Fishbait Miller, Keeper of the Door,

yelled from center field as he did stride upon the floor.

"Censoring of members, though their language is quite shocking,

would our Constitution make a thing of rags and mocking!"

Then stood Daniel Webster, and the silence was intense

as he said "Let Donald Trump full justice now dispense!"

(And way up in the gallery, by Special Dispensation,

Lucifer did mutter "Trump will soon be at MY station.") 

The meeting was in uproar, members shouting left and right,

when suddenly a woman stood and quelled the noisy fight.

Long ago Montana sent her to her Congress seat;

J.P. Rankin is her name, and now she spoke with heat:

"I voted 'gainst the entry of our country into war,

not once but twice despite the deep intimidating roar.

I vote again for peace and understanding, not for hate.

Let us now be tolerant and simply watch and wait."

Henry Cabot Lodge did second Rankin's proposition.

Hubert Humphrey hugged her for her principled decision.

And so the heavenly Congress is now marking time to see

just what Rashida Tlaib means to modern history . . . 

Postcards to President Trump

Norway Buys America

During a shutdown, the IRS can continue activities that protect government property, and the agency may bring in more workers soon to prepare for the income-tax filing season. Even during a shutdown, the agency still processes some tax returns that include payments, keeps computer systems running and continues criminal investigations. But the IRS generally doesn’t conduct audits, respond to taxpayer questions outside the filing season or—brace yourself—pay refunds.

by Richard Rubin for the WSJ

Although the thrush was singing, and the melted waters flowed,

the April air was heavy with the taxpayers sad load.

Toiling through the winter, while they waited for relief,

citizens would pay their bills in sullen silent grief.

For in the halls of Congress, and down at the White House too,

the government stayed shut down and no one knew what to do.

The IRS abandoned all attempts at refund work.

Their agents pulled in money, and then sat there with a smirk.

And old folks who required something extra for more meds;

young couples who were waiting to go out and buy new beds;

children who went hungry til the refund check arrived;

all of them now realized that they would stay deprived.

Parks went back to wilderness and grass grew in the streets.

Businesses went under, with no payment of receipts.

Money grew so scarce and tight that panic gripped the hearts

of brokers and their bankers and those blasted Wall Street tarts.

But suddenly the people all spontaneously did say:

"Sell the doggone country off to filthy rich Norway!"

"They've got coin enough to purchase us, there ain't no doubt."

"And they'll give us boiled potatoes with lots of pan-fried trout!"

For you see the Norway lobby had been busy so,

to buy America and make it bow down to Oslo.

Trump did not oppose it, and the Congress was asleep -- 

and so they bought us up just like a herd of silly sheep.

Refund checks were sent to one and all by those sly trolls.
Americans were happy to be on such rich tax roles.
And now we pay our taxes to their Gauleiters supreme;
our vaunted independence just an overburdened dream.

Has Congress Grown a Spine at Last? -- More Fraud in Iraq -- Drive by Heartburn --- Teacher Strike in LA.

The newly Democratic-controlled House passed a package of bills late Thursday that would reopen the federal government without paying for President Trump’s border wall, drawing a swift veto threat from the White House and leaving the partial shutdown no closer to getting resolved.

by Werner, Paletta, and Kim for the Washington Post

Fresh lawmakers grew a new spine;

no longer are they so supine.

To Trump they do say

we'll do things OUR way

(which won't change the old bottom line.)

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The company responsible for providing food and water for deployed U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan has been formally suspended after its former chief executive was charged with fraud in relation to an $8 billion troop supply contract, a U.S. official confirmed Thursday.

by Aaron Gregg for the Washington Post

U.S. troops must be well fed.

No more beans and moldy bread.

If it takes a billion, cash,

to keep them from eating hash

then I say a little fraud

with our troops who serve abroad

ain't a major crime, okay?

Long as all the loot will stay

in the hands of USA.

But if furriners do reap,

we must have a thorough sweep!

Patriots deserve their graft;

outsiders must get the shaft!

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General Motors Co.’s self-driving car unit, Cruise, and DoorDash Inc. plan to provide food deliveries via autonomous vehicles, the latest attempt to use driverless technology to improve the shipment of goods.

by Beckerman and Colias for the WSJ

I ordered a pizza one night.

Imagine my heady delight

when came to the door

my driverless score --

and I didn't have a tip fight!

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If teachers in the Los Angeles Unified School District go on strike Jan. 10 as planned, about half a million students won’t find their teachers, nurses, counselors and librarians at school.

by Sonali Kohli for the LATimes

Kids will find an empty school

quite a charming learning tool.

Raiding teacher's desks to find

homework that was not assigned.

Skateboarding down silent halls.

Turning on the shower stalls.

In the lunchroom frozen meat

will be thrown through plate glass sheet.

Kids will overwhelm the staff

that is left, for just a laugh.

Striking teachers, change your tack;

students do not want you back! 

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