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. . . and on June 22, 2017:

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And he commanded them that they should not cease to pray in their hearts.

And he commanded them that they should not cease to pray in their hearts.

3 Nephi 20:1

When the heart has learned to pray,

from the Lord it will not stray.

Outward show and ornate tone

still can leave the heart alone.

Perfumed censers, chanted rote,

do not keep my heart afloat.

Help me, Lord, to worship thee

in my bosom quietly.

The Magical Toothpick

It looked like an ordinary wooden toothpick at Justin Bieber's wedding reception. I hadn't been invited to it, actually; the invitation arrived in the mail by mistake, and I wasn't going to go because I had no conception of what to wear -- I thought a cummerbund was a pastry. But at the last minute a bus narrowly missed hitting me as I crossed the street, so I decided that every minute of the rest of my life should be played for the highest stakes possible, and darn the consequences. I showed up at the reception in brown corduroy trousers and a plaid shirt. The ushers just shrugged and let me waltz right in.

Looking for a souvenir, I zeroed in on the toothpick as something nobody would miss, and that wouldn't show up if they patted me down on my way out. I picked it up and put it in my plaid shirt pocket. It was actually a pretty boring reception. Everyone but me was a celebrity and the whole night was spent by those poor schmendricks being photographed and telling lies about their careers and sexual prowess. I left early, when the shrimp scampi ran out.

On the bus home I kept hearing sneezes that seemed to come from my shirt pocket. I finally peeked into it just in time to see the toothpick open its tiny mouth and sneeze. "Holy Hannah!" I cried in surprise. "Are you anthropomorphic or something?" I was pretty proud of myself for getting that big word out without stumbling. "Yes, yes" said the toothpick in a wooden voice. "I'm alive and I've got magical powers, which you may now command. But first take me out of here -- I'm allergic to plaid!" 

No sooner said than done. "How many wishes do it get?" I asked eagerly. "Wrongo, skippy" it replied. "I don't give wishes or anything else. I take things away."
"Huh? What?" I said. Nobody on the bus cared that I was talking to a toothpick; why should they, when there was another guy sitting across from me with green plastic bags covering his hands?
"I take things away; I am a magical subtracting toothpick" it said patiently. "I was created by elfin lumberjacks from the Marmalade Mountains and served them for eons before I was lost by . . . "
"Yeah, right" I interrupted him. "I've read the Lord of the Rings, so you can skip all that. Just explain what's in it for me, will ya?"
"Very well" it said sullenly. "If you want something removed you just tell me to remove it, to subtract it, and it's gone. Vanished. Absquatulated from existence -- see, I can use big words too!" 
I had to try this out, pronto. So I said "Take away that crazy guy's green plastic bags from around his hands."
They were gone -- completely absquatulated -- in the blink of a wink. The guy looked at his hands in surprise, then got out some more green plastic bags from his coat pocket and began putting them on his hands again.
 "Wow!" I enthused. "That's great! But what's the catch? There must be a catch -- there's always a catch with these things."
But the magical toothpick said nothing. It never spoke again. But it kept removing things at my command.

The next day my rotten neighbor let his dog take a dump on my sidewalk and didn't bother to clean it up. So I commanded it to be removed, and it was. The dump, not the dog. At work I made my supervisor's belt go away. His pants kept going to half mast until he had to leave early to go buy another belt. That was sweet, I tell you what! I've never liked him from the get-go. I disappeared flies from the break room. And when I got home that evening I directed that all the dust bunnies under my bed be gone. 

But then something began gnawing at me. Was I supposed to have this magical wooden toothpick, or was it supposed to be a wedding present for Justin Bieber? Had I stolen it from its rightful owner? I decided there was only one thing to do, so I went back over to Bieber's mansion and tried to get in to give him back his magical toothpick. But when I explained this to the burly guards at the front gate they picked me up and threw me into an oleander bush. I had to use the toothpick to make my scratches and bruises go away.

Just so you know, I did give some serious thought to becoming a super hero with my magical wooden toothpick -- "Captain Subtraction to the rescue!" I dreamed of removing bad hats like Putin and Kim Jong Un -- I could even rid the world of Donald Trump. But in the end, it just wasn't my style. Live and let live is the only motto I've every felt passionate about. So I've kept things small and innocuous. I disappear every plastic bag I see floating around in the streets and in parking lots. I've removed spots from all my neckties. I really enjoy removing ring tones from phones when I'm at the movies. 
I'm still undecided about removing telemarketers when they call me.

Timericks

Re: A man pulled a gun to demand Popeyes chicken sandwiches after they sold out

When the urge is on me for/chicken from a Popeye's store/I won't take no lip about/closing shop or being out/If a sandwich they can't make/then some heads I'll surely break/Let the cops take me away/I won't go to Chick-fil-A!

therefore I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know;

. . . therefore I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know . . . 

Alma 10:6

"I know, but I don't!" is the cry of despair

uttered by those who are burdened with care.

"I would, but I can't!" they may also shout out,

because, like us all, they are sometimes in doubt.

The answer is easy -- too easy for some:

Unto the Savior in hope you must come.

Come gather honey and milk without cost;

Come to the haven that's ne'er tempest tossed.

The knowledge that's buried deep inside my heart

is placed there by God to give me a new start.

Great & Marvelous Works

 Some things they may have guessed right, among so many; but behold, we know that all these great and marvelous works cannot come to pass, of which has been spoken.
Helaman 16:16

The smallest minds are bound up tight

in disbelieving truth and light.

The glory of the Lord they fear,

and cultivate a tetchy ear.

A leaden brow and blinkered gaze

will never show them such a blaze

as God alone will kindle when

He comes to rule and reign again.

Give me, oh Lord, an open mind

that thy great glory I may find!

Hvordan kredittkort stjeler din personlige informasjon

I et fersk eksperiment med kredittkort-personvern kjøpte forskere en enkelt banan, først med et ferskt Apple-kort, og deretter igjen med en Amazon Prime Visa-belønning, utstedt av Chase. De registrerte deretter resultatene av hvordan kredittkortdata ble delt, utvunnet og hvem og når det ble sporet. Bananen gikk til en Target-butikk, og sveipte det i tjuen cent. Etter sveipingen (og tilberedning av frokosten til nevnte banan) begynte forskere å spore hvordan informasjonen om banankjøp deres avviklet ikke bare til Target seg selv, men hedgefond, Google, Amazon og en rekke markedsførere som var ivrige etter å tråkke med sine bananrelaterte varer . Kortinformasjon anses tilsynelatende som ønskelig informasjon, selv når det ikke innebærer noe mer enn et stykke frukt. Studien fant at kredittkort virkelig er et "føflekker" i alles lommebok. Hvert kjøp, uansett bankmerke eller kredittkortmerke, enten det er Platinum eller Premium eller Rewards, lekker data til større selskaper, som igjen selger informasjonen til andre selskaper på engrosbasis. I noen tilfeller, som ovennevnte uskyldige bananer, blir informasjonen som innhentes fra dette kjøpet mer verdifull enn selve kjøpesummen. Bankene har blitt klar over den økende bekymringen for forbrukerne om at data om kjøp av kredittkort blir delt, kjøpt og solgt, og tar skritt for å motvirke den irriterende kundenirritasjonen. Apple-kortet kommer med et kort avsnitt når det er utstedt som forklarer grensene Apple har lagt på dataene samlet hver gang et kjøp gjøres. Viser seg ikke å være en grense så mye som et stykke tau drapert over veien. Selv om det er forbud mot selskaper å selge informasjon direkte til markedsførere om spesifikke forbrukerkjøp, er det ingenting som hindrer dem i å ‘profilere’ kjøp etter alder, kjønn og geografisk beliggenhet og deretter gi ut denne informasjonen til alle de vil. Stort sett det samme gjelder Visa-kortet som ble brukt i eksperimentet. Bortsett fra at spesifikke leveringsadresser når kjøp gjøres online, selges direkte til høystbydende, noe som gjør Visas påstander om personvern mer farsk enn saklig.

This work is moving forward at an accelerated pace

President Russell M. Nelson


“This work is moving forward at an accelerated pace. I can just hardly wait to bounce out of bed each morning and see what the day will bring.”
President Russell M. Nelson  

When the prophet speaks today

Saints had better start to pray

they can keep up with his pace

as to glory he does race.

Old in years, and wisdom too,

he reminds both me and you

that there's true vitality

only in a Gospel spree.

Out of bed be sure to vault

early, and in God exalt!

The police pumped blue-dyed water into knots of protesters, starkly marking them to make it easier for officers to make arrests.

When I went over to Crazy Henry's apartment this morning he opened the door and threw a cup of green paint on my shirt.
"What the hell did you do that for?" I asked him, exasperated beyond measure. "Is this oil based paint? How am I ever gonna get this out of my good cotton shirt? You birdbrain!" I was hot. Nearly foaming at the mouth. Crazy Henry just stood there, smiling serenely.
"Don't worry, friend" he said. "Green is the color of friendship and serenity, and I had to color code you as my friend with this indelible green paint as a sign of my affection and friendship."
"Funny way of showing you like me" I muttered darkly as I went into his kitchen to see if I could get some of the paint stain off. It proved impossible. 
"What's the meaning of all this . . . this color coding nonsense?" I demanded of him, after he gave me some fudge brownies and a glass of milk to calm me down.
"It's as simple as falling off a log" he said patiently. "I'm color coding every person I meet from now on. I got the idea from my pen pal Kim Jong Un; he's doing it to everybody in his country, and I thought it was a great idea to practice here."
"You mean the guy that sent you the sack of gold ingots?" I asked, suddenly forgetting my grudge against Crazy Henry. He had really gotten a burlap sack full of gold ingots from Jong the Strong. Crazy Henry and I had used the gold to go on some pretty hilarious adventures. 
"He send you any more gold ingots?" I asked hopefully.
"No" said Crazy Henry. "He sent me these little cans of paint to splash on people. There's red, yellow, green, and blue. I'm gonna go out right now and start color coding people in the neighborhood. Wanna come along?" 
This is not a good idea, warned my common sense; but before I could give it any thought I blurted out "Okay, let's make like a tree and leave!"
So Crazy Henry started color coding everyone he met that day. Green was for personal friends. Red was for strangers. He splashed yellow on every child he met. And the blue was reserved for Hollywood celebrities -- of which there were quite a few wandering around the neighborhood. Crazy Henry painted Arnold Schwarzenegger blue; he painted Tom Hanks blue; he got Jack Nicholson to agree to let his nose be painted blue. He painted the backside of Kirsten Dunst blue, and Mindy Caling got a blue dot on her forehead. 
"How is it possible these big time stars are here all of a sudden" I finally asked, bewildered.
"Oh, Jong the Strong told them all to be here today so I could paint them" replied Crazy Henry nonchalantly. "He's always doing nice things like that for me."
Crazy Henry did not get arrested that day -- which is what disturbs me even more than Tom Hanks asking me for bus fare to the train station. I'm becoming more and more convinced that Crazy Henry has figured out a way to pull apart reality and then reassemble it according to his own world view. He's turning into that kid on the old Twilight episode who could wish for anything to happen and it did. I expect to wake up any day now as a jack-in-the-box. 

but the Spirit of the Lord was with him, insomuch that they could not hit him with their stones neither with their arrows.

...   but the Spirit of the Lord was with him, insomuch that they could not hit him with their stones neither with their arrows.
Helaman 16:2

Stones and arrows shot at me

will not stop fidelity

to the Gospel truths I know

that I cherish here below.

Perfect, I am not a bit --

 Lord, accept me with some grit!