I filled my face with Botox; now it's silky as can be.
In fact I look like a balloon, all shiny and hair-free.
And so I paid for shots galore, in arms and legs and back;
my body has begun to sag like empty gunnysack.
My doctor, as it turns out, got his license in the gutter;
instead of Botox all his shots were Jiffy peanut butter!
@KnowlesHannah
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I wonder how old Santa can afford to live on ice,
since North Pole rental properties come with a hefty price.
He ought to try Airbnb to make a little cash,
in case his hedge fund savings ever really go to smash.
It can't be cheap to hire elves and house them, plus reindeer
will eat you out of house and home despite the best good cheer.
Perhaps our jolly sleigh rider will have to float a loan
to make sure this year's Holiday he won't have to postpone!
@bellwak
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When our president doth take the name of God in vain,
I'm sure it causes heaven lots of heavy hearted pain.
But heaven is forgiving, as are voters nowadays;
they do not care a fig about the Donald's sinful ways.
They like his heedless deviltry; it makes them feel secure
that they can lead the good life, too, by wading in manure.
@JulieZauzmer
