Monday, January 13, 2020

A Limerick Inspired from a Story by Katie Benner.

Katie Benner. NYT.
@ktbenner



Ms. Benner prowls around court houses throughout the country, looking for antique spittoons.
She helped steal a Pulitzer Prize, but was made to put it back by the Mod Squad.
She believes the workplace is so boring it ought to be moved to Narnia.

She has worked as a vagabond loafer in San Francisco, covering things like
park benches and mail boxes with canvas. She was the first one to discover
that Silicon Valley  made hot dogs, not software. 
Before being kidnapped by the Times she appeared on stage
as Thelma Todd in Gone With the Wind. Her expert reporting
on financial hanky panky in the banking industry led to the Wall
Street Crash of 1929. She lives with two cockatoos and a maiden
aunt who gets lost on the subway and has to be retrieved frequently
by Boy Scouts.



"WASHINGTON — Attorney General William P. Barr declared on Monday that a deadly shooting last month at a naval air station in Pensacola, Fla., was an act of terrorism, and he asked Apple in an unusually high-profile request to provide access to two phones used by the gunman.
Mr. Barr’s appeal was an escalation of an ongoing fight between the Justice Department and Apple pitting personal privacy against public safety."
By Katie Benner. NYT.  

There was an old lawyer named Barr
who wanted the power of Tsar.
But he had to grapple
with monarchs at Apple,
who wouldn't let him get too far.

Verses from stories by Nicholas Fandos, Lisa Rein, and Joseph Marks.



TRUMP: "IMPEACHMENT? WHAT IMPEACHMENT?"
@npfandos

Mr. Trump has got it right;
there is no need to fuss-n-fight.
To make your troubles go away
pretend they don't exist, I say.
Your foes are goons, your faults a fib;
and drooling Congress should wear a bib.
There's work to do, no time to spare
for Constitution doctrinaire!

*************************
WORK FROM HOME?
NOT IF YOU'RE A FEDERAL EMPLOYEE!
@Reinlwapo

Attention, all you slackers
who from home think you can fool
Uncle Sam that you are working
while beside your pool!
It's time to plant your fanny
in a cold, unyielding seat
in an office lacking all
amenities and heat.
Bob Cratchit never worked from home;
the same applies to you.
And don't expect to get time off
if you come down with flu!

**************************
IRAN ATTACKS! WITH HACKERS . . . 
@Joseph_Marks

Shootin' wars are so passe,
but cyber wars are here to stay.
Iran has got a shoulder chip
that now with venom pure will drip.
Ransomware and worms galore
they'll send to us forevermore.
They'll grab poor students in their jeans
and chain 'em to computer screens
until the internet deflates
right here in the United States.
Then back to analog we go,
thanks to Trump -- the big bozo!




A man of many words

Image result for book of mormon

And he was a man of many words, and did speak much flattery to the people; therefore he led many of the people to do after the manner of his iniquities.
Mosiah 27:8


Never trust a flatterer; they have a tarnished heart.
They lead you on to folly and they're never very smart.
Tis better to repent of sin and think about your faults
than seek out any sweet talker and swallow all their schmaltz!

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Verses from stories by Cecilia Kang, Christopher Ingraham, and Joseph Marks.


Portrait of Cecilia Kang
Cecilia Kang. NYT.

NEWSPAPERS CONTINUE TO DISAPPEAR
ACROSS THE UNITED STATES
@ceciliakang

My hometown rag has disappeared
since profit it no longer cleared.
It's not that writers I would nuzzle --
but I sure miss the crossword puzzle!

*********************

NEW SURVEY SHOWS RICH PEOPLE
HAPPIER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.
 @_cingraham

Money don't buy happiness,
or so I have been told.
But still I wouldn't mind a bit
if I had lots of gold.
Subjected to the trials of wealth,
I think I could contrive
to smile a bit at my Monets
while chewing on endive.

************************************
TRUMP AND HIS DEFENSE SECRETARY
CAN'T GET THEIR STORIES STRAIGHT.
@Joseph_Marks_

Iran is such an awful place;
a sinkhole of the human race.
So when the Prez says they attack,
then Esper better have his back --
instead he feigns like he don't know
about invasions set to go.
No wonder Trump has gotten sore,
when his own staff won't lie no more!



Saturday, January 11, 2020

Verses from Stories by Dennis Overbye, Sean Sullivan, and Jon Levine

Dennis Overbye. NYT.

CLOSEST STAR TO EARTH ABOUT
TO BLOW ITS TOP!
@overbye

Betelgeuse is one strange star,
full of molten cinnabar.
Galvic rays from center core
bombard planets by the score.
And some kind of weird persona
dances on the white corona.
Actually, it's all a fib --
science tempts me to ad lib.
What that distant orb may do
won't keep me from a barbecue!

***************************
ANTI-WAR CANDIDATE BERNIE SANDERS
SAYS AMERICA SHOULD PULL ITS 
HORNS IN!
@WaPoSean

Cannon fodder ain't the way
I would wish to spend my day;
I'm not happy in the least
messing with the Middle East.
Bernie, if you truly can
foster peace -- then I'm you're man.
But I fear if you're elected
all your goals will be neglected,
since the White House seems to brake
even those most wide awake.

*************************
BRIT ROYALTY REFUSES 
TO USE SEAT BELTS!
@LevineJonathan

Careless Queen Elizabeth,
we'd hate to see you crash
and turn yourself into a bowl
of bloody Windsor hash.
Be kind to all your subjects
and please buckle up right now
before you hit the road again
and into Big Ben plow!




We create our own destiny

Image result for book of mormon


Now I would that ye should see that they brought upon themselves the curse; and even so doth every man that is cursed bring upon himself his own condemnation.
Alma 3:19

Hard to hear as it might be,
each man creates his destiny.
If he (or she) refuses to
obey the laws they know are true,
they're cursed in many diff'rent ways --
in health, in mind, in wealth, in gaze.
But when a sinner (and that is me)
returns to God's felicity
by humble sorrow and real grief
they'll always find exact relief.


Friday, January 10, 2020

Verses from Stories by Nicole Perlroth, Reis Thebault, and Peter Holley.

Portrait of Nicole Perlroth
Nicole Perlroth. NYT.


RUSSIAN HACKERS GROW BOLDER
WHEN INTERFERING WITH AMERICAN
VOTERS
@nicoleperlroth

When you vote remember please
that Russians push most of the keys.
If they don't like the choice you make
they have a better one that's fake.
Persistent voters who complain
will soon be labeled as insane,
and taken to a quiet 'camp'
where through the swamp they gaily tramp.


TEXAS REFUSES TO PROCESS ANY
MORE REFUGEES.
@ReisThebault

  1. Down there in the Lone Star State
  2. immigrants have met their fate;
  3. "We don't want you here at all!"
  4. is what Texans like to call.
  5. "Furriners like you annoy --
so git back there to Illinois!"






OLDER TECH WORKERS IN SILICON VALLEY
STRIVE FOR YOUTHFUL APPEARANCE
WITH PLASTIC SURGERY
@peterjholley



In the Valley Silicon
youth is what they're all bent on.
Wrinkles give your age away;
and should your hair start to gray
they'll say that you have lost your bloom
and must go work in the mail room.
So get a facelift PDQ,
or else your job becomes doo-doo!