Tim Carman. Washington Post.
Tim Carman has been a noted food reporter for the Washington Post for the past five years. Prior to that he was a free lance apple polisher for organizations such as The Twinkie Foundation and Anchovies Anonymous.
He received a BA, PDQ, and a BVD from the University of Nebraska, at Kearney (that's pronounced 'Karny,' friend!)
His awards include Boy Scout citations for bottle cap tossing and a signet ring from the Green Lantern that glows yellow whenever he is in the presence of margarine.
His hobbies include beagles, bagels, and baubles.
"More than a month after McDonald’s introduced its latest fried chicken sandwich — you know, the one that would officially arm Ronald McDonald for a late-entry into the fast-food poultry wars — the product is nowhere to be found outside the test markets of Houston and Knoxville, Tenn.
McDonald’s franchisees are apparently fed up with the delay, according to a recent Business Insider story."
@timcarman
A crew of franchisees one day
set off to find the cause
of why no chicken sandwiches
were in their grubby paws.
They watched as other fast food joints
served patties made of fowl,
while their own Golden Arches
didn't even have an owl.
They sailed the Seven Seas, they did,
and found but little sooth;
plant based meat was plentiful,
but who cared for that truth?
(and that is when the cook began
to drink up the vermouth.)
They blazed a trail through jungles
and they forded rivers wild;
they even entered delis
where the corn beef was high piled.
They checked each nook and cranny,
and they looked beneath the rocks;
they found that kings and colonels
now did watch them like a fox.
(And then some squint-eyed sailor man
did steal all of their socks.)
Ragged and bedraggled much,
the franchisees were sick
of hearing from their customers:
"Hey buddy, where's the chick?"
And so they raided poultry farms
and snatched the birds away.
They ground 'em up in secrecy
and labeled 'em 'gourmet.'
(And though they're mostly feathers
you should see how people pay!)
B