Walk uprightly before God

 

An upright walk before the Lord

will bring to me a joy restored.

But if I slouch, go on all fours,

I'll be extinct like dinosaurs. 

Today's Timericks.

 

I never pay my taxes;

why should I dole out cash

to Uncle Sammy's minions

as they make things a hash.

My tax return is bogus;

so what if I am caught.

I'll hire a big lawyer

who wears a silk ascot.

He'll get me off for certain,

and if he don't -- oh well,

at least when I'm in prison

I won't need my hair gel.

The Right is having kittens,

as social platforms halt

stories they want posted --

tho lies they do exalt.

They're gonna shut down Facebook,

then Twitter will be next;

unless, of course they happen

to write big campaign checks.

If Trump thinks he's a naturalist,

then I am Rin Tin Tin.

Mother Nature gets from him

naught but Mickey Finn.

The last time that he hugged a tree

was when he thought it grew

money from each branchlet

and shed gold like morning dew!

To sing the song of redeeming love

 

To sing of His redeeming love

is done without constraint;

no voice is incompatible,

too loud, too cracked, too faint.

Join in singing this grand hymn,

O people of the Earth.

To celebrate the Christ's great love

and our divine rebirth!

All voices to redeeming love

will sing combined one day,

since Christ has come off conqueror

and in our hearts will stay.

More Timericks for Wednesday Evening.

 

Goodbye, Sunny Florida. Hello, Frigid Winter. Covid Strands Canadian Snowbirds.

In Toronto hear them screech/We have lost Miami Beach!/

And in Moose Jaw, eyes all glassy/they all yearn for Tallahassee/

Canada's no place to be/when the snow falls constantly/

But the frozen residents/are the victims of events/

never nearer the Equator/or the kindly alligator. 

Why Scientists Made Venus Flytraps That Glow.

Idle hands in science labs/crossing tulips with blue crabs/

making Venus flytraps glow/straightening the curved rainbow/

Put their noses to grindstone/so they'll leave the Earth alone.

Otherwise we're on the brink/of crossing sponge with kitchen sink!

As election nears, Pentagon leaders’ goal of staying out of elections is tested.

No one at the Pentagon/will admit they need to fawn/

over politicians who/squeeze their purse strings till they're blue/

Chiefs of Staff think it is droll/that they'd spurn a big bank roll/

Whoever wins next month will find/that brass hat begging is refined!

 

Firmness and steadiness in the faith.

 

Firm and steady as a rock;

 taking action,

not just standing still with idle talk

Faith can move your mountains --

but, when given without guile,

sometimes miracles occur 

from just a little smile.

Today's Timericks. Wednesday, Oct 14, 2020.

 

Bank of America Profit Falls 16%

When your banker smiles at you/this is what you have to do/

take your money out right quick/cuz his bank is getting sick/

When a money man does weep/then you know it's safe to keep/

all your dough inside his vault/where it's proof against assault/

Bankers only moan and groan/when they're rich enough to loan/

money by the carloads, chum/but not to you -- cuz you're a bum!

It’s Not Easy Being an Optimist in Maine.

In Maine or any other state/cheerfulness is not a trait/

that will buy you groceries/pay your rent or other fees/

Landlords do not want your beam/cash they want in steady stream/

Laugh when bills are way past due/and you'll join the homeless crew/

It's better to curse life and sob/as long as you've a steady job.

Proposal to hasten herd immunity to the coronavirus grabs White House attention but appalls top scientists.

Rushing about like a chicken/whose head has been chopped at the block/the White House is looking for manna/Joe Biden's election to block/They need an assured panacea/to make virus news go away/No matter how daffy or bogus/they'll grab it and start to make hay/They're open to any suggestion/so sell 'em the Brooklyn Bridge quick/by telling 'em it is effective/in keeping us from getting sick!

When I look upon a sunrise

 

When I look upon a sunrise/it is God that I espy.

When the embers of the day go out/His watchcare I descry.

When the fallow deep upwells/or when the frothy cloud rebels --

when Earth itself has gone awry/to God alone I'll turn my eye.

Prose Poem: The Art of the Fidget.

 

@andsachs_sachs

I have a black belt in fidgeting.

It's not a brag; it's just a statement of fact.

The art of the fidget is learned

slowly and silently.

You sit in a cedar paneled room,

observing closely your fidget sensei.

It took me two years to master

foot tapping.

Two more to understand 

the graceful intricacies of

the stifled yawn.

Now I can fidget at will.

But I use my power carefully.

A conspicuous fidget is 

considered bad form.

It is best to do your fidgeting

in a darkened room, 

with the curtains drawn,

in the early dawn.

The existence of the fidget

was first discovered

and then refined by 

Duns Scotus during

the High Middle Ages.

He became aware of

drumming his fingers

on the lectern during a lecture,

and from there posited 

the existence of a state of

being that was neither calm

nor rational, neither angry

or focused.

He named it after the Scottish

word 'fike' -- which means

a state of grace emanating from

an earthquake.

It caught on quickly among sailors,

who spread it to the Orient.

The Three Rules of Fidget are:

1.  Never fidget on a full stomach.

2.  A child cannot fidget; it can only squirm.

3.  Never fidget for personal gain.

We Fidgeteers are rather secretive,

shunning the limelight.

Group fidgeting is discouraged,

except during Disco revivals.

If you would like to learn more

you will probably learn less.

Today's Timericks. Monday, Oct 12, 2020

 

U.S.-China Trade War Gets Wrapped Up in Twist-Ties. Minnesota company’s plastic-and-wire closures—a fixture on bread bags—are at the leading edge of Washington’s tariff tiff with Beijing.  (WSJ)

@JoshZumbrun

My bread is bagged in plastic/to keep it fresh and moist/

but if it is not tied off/I fear the very woist/

TWIST ties are the answer/from good old Uncle Sam/

no furrin imports, buddy/no Chinese knock-offs, ma'am/

And if they undercut us/a tariff war they'll get/

until they holler 'Uncle!'/and eat crow with baguette. 

A surge in worldwide demand by educators

 for low-cost laptops has created shipment delays 

and pitted desperate schools against one another.

 Districts with deep pockets often win out.

(NYT)

@Kellen_Browning

Online classes are no good/in a flat broke neighborhood/

School districts will not bestow/laptops on the poor and low/

So a generation sinks/lacking any hashtag links/

to the future, bright and clean/which now belongs to those

with green.

North Korea’s ‘monster’ missile sends menacing

 message to next U.S. president.  (WaPo)

@simondenyer

Kim Jong Un is awful proud/that among the atom crowd/

his ballistic missiles loom/as the ultimate in doom/

They are aimed across the sea/at an unnamed enemy/

Canada or Mexico?/Mushroom clouds will let us know/

What a thankless task awaits/the next Prez of these United 

States!

Prose Poem: Cancel Me This.

 

@a_coletta

There has been no conflict in my life

since I canceled mornings.

No breakfast dishes to do.

No commuting worries.

My guilt about missing sunrises

has completely disappeared.

And I save money by not 

taking a shower or shaving.

I didn't realize how much my

razor blades were costing me

until I gave them up.

Now I soak my beard in 

linseed oil once a week,

and that's that. It

keeps out the voles.

I wouldn't tell this to just anybody,

but you have the power to cancel

your mornings, too.

Or afternoons. Or evenings.

And I'll tell you how to do it

during my next podcast.

You can subscribe for just ten

dollars a week.

Special rates apply for the missish.