Tuesday, March 30, 2021

Where are the cranks of yesteryear?

 



Where are the cranks of yesteryear;

the ones we jeered but did not fear?

Without a cyber platform stand

they rattled folk throughout the land.

On street corners, in public parks,

they gave us such delightful larks.

There was Carry Nation, then;

the terror of all drinking men.

She axed saloons with pious glee;

bartenders thought her quite screwy.

Emperor Norton, of old Frisco,

whose mental state was that of Crisco,

lorded over all the nobs --

and ruled the merry, laughing mobs.

He dined for free on lobster bisque

and granted titles without risk.

And nobody is quite surpassin'

the nuttiness of Harold Stassen.

For president he ran nine times

(he had a glitch with his enzymes.)

Taken first so seriously,

later on 'twas deliriously.

He was a laughing stock, but stay;

nobody said "Put him away!"

Compare those cranks of former days

with how we treat our mental strays

in this cruel, suspicious age --

when ev'ry quirk doth have its cage.

Police respond with rubber hose

to those who thumb a public nose.

The internet is laid with traps

for those who make the slightest lapse.

All innocent eccentricity 

is treated with severity.

Mike Romanoff, we need your kind -- 

to give us laughing peace of mind!






Today's Timericks.

 



Nobody fights the Taliban/They have become a bogeyman/They come and go just as they please/They are fanatics who have fleas/Some groups are just bad news, that's all/The Taliban outshines them all.


Critters in Montana, flee!/The Governor is on a spree/and wants the wolves and bears to know/they're gonna fall like Jericho/with traps and poison tossed about/and that includes complacent trout!


 Happy days are here again/for the lucky businessmen/But blue collar jobs are not/getting such a booster shot/Jobless, homeless, hungry, too/for many it's still Waterloo.

The Lord remembereth all them that have been broken off.

 



The Lord remembers each of us --

to Him, none are superfluous.

He made us, gives us life and breath,

and cares for us long after death.

We may think we're beyond the pale,

but God's watchcare can never fail.

Monday, March 29, 2021

Today's Timericks.

 




My neighbor came down sick one day/and to myself I thus did say/I ought to bake a casserole/to take to him so he gets whole/This was a very noble thought/I thunk about it quite a lot/But by the time I reached his bed/the ingrate up and turned quite dead!


Wear a mask and get a shot/Yet another school of thought/says it's all a put-up-job/by the Biden-Pinko mob/If you don't know which way to go/just stay at home and count fish roe.  


When children come back home to roost/they bring more baggage than M. Proust/This Covid virus has given Boomers/too many exhausting roomers/So mom and dad take long vacations/in some cheap third-world type nations.  

The more sure word of prophecy.

 



The more sure word of prophecy,

available to you and me,

comes not from cults or gurus' chant,

but in the heart grows like a plant

when hearing a true prophet's voice --

you'll know it's true when you rejoice!



Sunday, March 28, 2021

Today's Timericks. (With New and Improved Gun Control!)

 



It should come as no surprise/that Democrats have set their eyes/on people who have too much gelt/and want their bankbooks to get svelte/Joe Biden funds his spending spree/by shaking rich folks' money tree/If bankers weep, I do not care/since I am not a millionaire.


Ron Weiser of the GOP/made foolish comments recently/He said some ladies rode on brooms/then pronounced some deadly dooms/on his Democratic foes/Here's a guy whose brain's on doze/I bet he has prehensile toes.


I wonder if those activists/who want to worship guns/would feel the same if maniacs/gunned down their own young sons/What vaunted right is worth the risk/of sudden senseless death/What parent trades their children's life/for hollow shibboleth?


Rebellion upon the waters

 



I'm sailing in a leaky boat;

the Lord alone keeps me afloat.

And yet how oft I do defy

my Captain's orders and deny

His right to steer me safely to

my sacred blissful rendezvous!



Saturday, March 27, 2021

Today's Timericks. (featuring deepfake!)

 



I wouldn't be a teacher/not for all the tea in Shanghai/The children are rambunctious/and you have to wear a necktie/Playing Minecraft on their phones/those little scholars dawdle/All they learn is from their folks/watching Fox News twaddle. 


When I was young a spicy dish did suit me to perfection/It was a macho moment when I downed a hot confection/But now my innards have become a quivering fiasco/from volcanic curries and a surfeit of Tabasco!  


I'm trapped inside a deepfake on my iPhone, mercy me!/I'm stuck as Martha Washington trimming my goatee/This app has got me flummoxed, and I don't know what to do/I'd like to find some expert help, but they're all deepfake too!

Friday, March 26, 2021

Amy, notre amour mort peut-il être ressuscité?

 




When I saw you yesterday, resurrection once again

took place in my heart and in my loins;

all that poignant pain reborn --

from your soul I'm too long shorn.

Have I spent those silver coins

Judas-like on fruitless yen?




Today's Timericks.

 



Chili con carne's the ticket for me/even the French, of it, all yell 'Mais oui!'/The meat and the beans and the fiery gravy/sail down my throat like a nectarous navy/Who cares about vapors that later are fanned/Just gimme some chili that has not been canned!


Ignorance and malice, sowing fields of rancid dreams/now concentrate their ire on the innocent vaccines/These oafs are only happy when their plots diminish hope/and make the people stumble as through sorrow they do grope.


The President's first forum with the press was unexciting/Unlike He Who Won't Be Named -- which seemed more like bullfighting/Normalcy's been gone so long, it's hard to recollect/how to deal with presidents with regular respect.