Today's Timerick: An Exposé Has Congress Rethinking How to Tax the Superrich. (NYT)

 A report showing that the richest Americans, including Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Warren Buffett, pay almost no taxes has refocused attention on the tax code.

When the worker for her wages finds the taxes burdensome,

and cannot get the ends to meet she may feel mighty glum.

She ought to learn a thing or two from Bezos, Musk, and more --

For the wealthy of our species are more scheming than the poor.

Lazarus the Bible beggar never had a decent meal;

while down the street the cakes and ale for Mr. Dives were very real.

When wealthy Dives at last was took he never lacked for rum and coke --

for the loaded of our species are more blessed than the broke.

At the homeless shelter they are puzzled and made troubled

with how the rich accumulate and have their income doubled

without a bit of toil or moil, just sitting 'round all greedy --

for the upscale of our species are more lazy than the needy.

Stocks and bonds and cyber-coin are juggled with the greatest ease

by the plutocrats and minions, while the beggar's on his knees.

"Someone's got to herd the money" says the robber baron fat --

for the moneyed of our species are more nimble than the flat.

There is no use in complaining that the rich get all the breaks;

that they stay so full of laughter while the poor have but headaches.

For the world is cantilevered to support those with the dough --

Yes, the well-off of our species are more quickened than the slow.

Today's Timerick: T.B. Joshua, Nigerian Celebrity Megachurch Pastor, Dies at 57. (NYT)

 

Mr. Joshua had millions of followers, including top politicians and sports stars. But he was dogged by controversy over his products, his prophecies and events in which church members died.

Where to put a man of God

when he dies a suspect fraud?

Such a problem heaven faced

with a soul that was disgraced.

While on earth this shady cleric

had an aura so mesmeric

that he gathered fans with ease --

 picking ripe fruit off of trees.

They in turn gave him their trust

(and considerable gold dust);

claimed he healed them of their fits,

then dazzled them with all his glitz.

 In the end his sounding brass

worked no miracles, alas;

When his time had come, he went --

no godly intervention sent.

Now he stood before the Throne --

 wretched figure, all alone.

No fawning congregation now

to treat him like a sacred cow.

The angels waited breathlessly

to hear his ordained destiny.

Justice on her stern behalf

denied him any fatted calf.

But also was the Mercy Seat

set to shred his balance sheet.

The scales remained upon the level,

when suddenly -- up popped the devil!

Smooth as butter he began:

"You cannot want this wretched man."

"Unctuous and scruple free --"

"Surely he belongs to me!"

Next the Hindu gods spoke up --

"He can come back as a pup!"

"Have the mange with lots of pus."

"Surely he belongs to us!"

Zeus, retired long ago:

 "In my day we sure did know"

"what to regally decree --"

"make him into hollow tree!"

So the priest, now full defrocked,

seemed into sure torment locked.

Still the Throne did not vouchsafe

what to do with this poor waif.

Time was frozen in its tracks;

blue moons waned and then did wax.

Then the Voice of Voices spoke,

solving all with one grand stroke:

"You may punish this my child"

"if you've never been defiled."

"If some guile you've ne'er employed,"

"You may cast first asteroid."

Quickly all the frowning stares

vanished into cosmic airs.

And the man -- what's his dispose?

Only can I say:

"God knows."

Today's Timericks: Capitol Police had intelligence indicating an armed invasion weeks before Jan. 6 riot, Senate probe finds. (WaPo)

 

A crystal ball told cops one time/that Washington would see a crime/a riot plotted out with care/But constables did not prepare/and so the looters held full sway/and chased the coppers far away/Such Keystone antics seem to be/our nation's brand new history.  

GOP governors are cutting unemployment aid. Some have ties to businesses that may benefit.  (WaPo)

The GOP gets quite annoyed/with the many unemployed/so their benefits they cut/to avoid a spending glut/Once again it seems to me/Canada's the place to be. 

Airlines have lost or damaged more than 15,000 wheelchairs since late 2018  (WaPo)

Put your wheelchair on a plane/they'll treat it like a daisy chain/scrunch it up or toss away/then they go and let you pay/for a new one with a shrug/those airlines sure are pretty smug!

Today's Timericks: Senate Poised to Pass Huge Industrial Policy Bill to Counter China. (NYT)

 

Uncle Sam is way behind in factory production/So China stays way in the lead, creating quite a ruction/Congress is determined to make factories athletic/Let us hope they pony up, and not go all cosmetic!

WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court on Monday declined to hear a challenge to a federal law that requires only men to register for the military draft.  (NYT)

Who but men would want to register to go to war?/Women have more sense than to desire such a chore/Of course today the sexes are not cut and dried at all/and so the local draft board must create new protocol.

Rome Gets Its First Pizza Vending Machine. Will Romans Bite?  (NYT)

Coffee in a paper cup; a can of pop -- okay/but automatic pizza should not see the light of day/Some things must have loving hands to season and to bake/a pizza pie without such care is just a lifeless fake!

The fourth estate has fallen on hard times, and so PR/has stepped in to reenergize reporters failing star/When you read a story about orange juice supply/you can bet that Tree Ripe has a finger in the pie/So take each story that you read with just a grain of salt/and remember facts are swayed with money by default.

Today's Timericks: Trump and his allies try to rewrite, distort history of pandemic while casting Fauci as public enemy No. 1

 

Historians take note/that those who crave a vote/distort and make up lies/for their historic prize/no politician dares/to narrate his affairs/but as the Holy Grail/or maybe fairy tale.

On Father's Day don't get me/a necktie, por favor/I've got a hundred of 'em/hung from my bedroom door/they're pink and green and yellow/with patterns large and small/they all have one thing common/I really hate 'em all!

Good old Joseph Biden/makes journalists feel free/he's told his people bluntly/to use no sub-pee-nee/to find the finks who tattle/on government mistakes/He'd rather deal upfront with/the consequent headaches. 

I am a cliche poet/transparently mundane/most people see right through it/like unrolled cellophane.

Our butterflies are dying/and the bees have took a dive/the flowers wave alone now/and there's silence at the hive/yet men insist their poisoning/is just a tabloid scheme/and few there are who ever hear/our planet's silent scream.

Today's Timericks: Federal Judge Overturns California’s 32-Year Assault Weapons Ban

 

When you're hunting rabbits you will need an AK-12/and lots and lots of bullets so your trophy you can shelve/Assault weapons are harmless, in the hands of sober folk/Too bad California all it's prudence did revoke!  

The sound of buzzing weed whackers is loud upon the land/the dandelions march apace and take a brazen stand/I gaze upon their yellow haze and contemplate a raid/retiring to hammock, I instead sip lemonade.  

I like to paint the ocean shore/the rippled light and lonely oar/the bathers in their scanty suits/who often look like prostitutes/but as I daub away with zip/I know the whole thing is a gyp/my talents must lie otherwhere/perhaps in pickup truck repair.

Today's Nifties: Being freshly laid jokes by a big piece of ham.

 

Connecting up with old friends is like connecting up with old electronics -- you never know what might blow up.

I wouldn't say my brains are scrambled --they're just postmodern.

Want to make a vegan cry? Just fry some bacon in butter.

My fridge is clean, but my conscience is full of leftovers.

One less tree is one less breath.

Why do the British have such bad teeth? Because their stiff upper lip keeps them from flossing.

What do you get when you cross feathers with beets? Tickled beets.

Her lips were like cherries -- they were pitted.

In my day we didn't have Cancel Culture -- we had Mothers-in-Law.

I knew a lady English teacher who didn't believe in contractions -- until she went into labor.

What sings underwater? Choral.

What's the safest kind of bread? Bagel with lox.

My new exercise program is made up of diddly-squats.

Talk is cheap -- unless your talking to a lawyer.

Prose Poem: The Camera Moved.

 

The camera shifted,

so everyone moved to the left.

"C'mon, Uncle Joe" I said,

"get in closer."

I smelled sandalwood

and then the wind picked up,

stirring up a haze around us.

"Wait a minute, folks" I told everyone.

A baby started crying.

There was a marching band

somewhere down the street.

I put my right hand on 

Jennie's shoulder.

She didn't shrug it off.

And the wind died down.

"Don't look directly at the camera"

I entreated everyone.

"Look slightly to the left."

"We should have hired

a professional photographer"

said Grandma Rose.

But I had forgiven her

for this, and for many other things,

a long time ago.

The wind picked up again

and just before it started to 

rain

the chartered bus arrived.

Family members scattered

down the steps

like so many slinkies --

but I took the picture anyways.

Then got on the bus to face 

 egg salad and Jennie sitting

next to a stranger named Mike.

Today's Nifties.

 

My landlord is so mean and petty he puts muzzles on humming birds.

On my budget I eat so many beans that I'm being investigated by the EPA for methane emissions.

I kinda liked face masks on store clerks -- at least when they said "Have a nice day" you couldn't see their snarl.

when an atheist dies, he'll walk toward the light and turn it off.

We already have the bread -== now where are the circuses?

Today's Timericks: Your ability to focus may be limited to 4 or 5 hours a day. Here’s how to make the most of them. (WaPo)

 

I'm always out of focus/and my view is never clear/my brain has turned to latex/and my nerves to mold, I fear/I think a moth or beetle/has more acumen than me/and it's always been that way -- since I was twenty three! 

Dress codes for a graduation/seem to favor degradation/if your duds aren't up to snuff/you will face a sure rebuff/thankfully, what students lack/teachers will give off their back!  

At your barber get a shot/as a prudent afterthought/MD's stationed at your bar/are not fetched that very far/seized by wellness agitprop/we want medics in each shop/is this really so outrageous/while the world remains contagious?