Today's Timerick: China Invented Many Things. It Says Skiing Is One of Them. (WSJ)

 

The Chinese are an ancient race.

They have a giant data base.

It dates from Ming and further back;

there's is no wisdom that they lack.

And so it's no surprise to me

that they are first, creatively,

to invent the use of skis;

fermented drink; and honey bees.

They also were the prime designers

of comedy and all one-liners.

Chopsticks, paper, black gunpowder;

they even made the first clam chowder.

Silk and ivory they made

into forks and window shade.

While the rest of mankind grunted

and on all fours went and hunted

for a snail or sour root,

the Chinese dined on bamboo shoot.

No wonder that today they hanker

to rule the world and be its banker!

Valentine's Day -- Bah, humbug!

 

(Dedicated to Elizabeth Bernstein, of the Wall Street Journal.)

I wish all cherubs straight to Hell.

Their arrows for scrap I would sell.

Fondants, nugats, marzipan;

take it to the garbage man.

Cardboard hearts with tinsel bright

should burn to light up this whole night.

Plow the flower beds beneath

the frosty smarmy winter heath.

Close the cafes and thee-aye-ters;

throw Hallmark to allee-gay-ters.

Martyr Valentine anew!

With my heart he'll never screw!

Haiku for Amy. 私の最愛の妻に捧げる

Her ear lobes carry

drops of water in the pool

like diamond earrings.

She lays in the sun

as I wish away cold winds;

her closed eyes aglow.

She wears yellow gloves

to wash dishes at night;

I dry by her side.

Today's Timerick: Why Russian Invasion Peril Is Driving Oil Prices Near $100 (WSJ)

 

I went to top the tank off

when my eyes beheld a sign

that said a gallon of the stuff

was ninety-bucks-and-nine.

"Woe is me!" I hollered

as my wallet shriveled up:

"I can't afford a gallon now

or even half a cup!"

I parked my car, then shot it;

so it would not suffer pain  --

My motor oil and brake fluid

I poured right down the drain.

Luckily I worked at home,

and never did commute --

but any walking was a strain

and wore out boot on boot.

I tried the train; I tried the bus --

but all I did was wait and cuss.

Was I a hermit soon to be,

confined at home with my TV?

And then I met the girl next door,

and soon discovered sweet l'amour.

But she would never take a step

without a car in which to schlep.

And so she broke my heart, alas --

and all because of costly gas!

This talk of war in the Ukraine

made my love life something vain.

But then the Russians came around,

and the price came tumbling down.

Now there's gasoline galore

(but with Russia WE'RE at war . . . )

Winter Haiku: 冷たい石のベンチ The cold stone park bench

Winter's cold bright meme --

a branch of withered apples

in a sharp blue sky.

A clump of rose hips --

a red cardinal pecking

suddenly flies off.

The gray stone park bench --

collecting cold melt water;

old men stare at it.

灰色の石の公園のベンチ-
冷たい融雪水を集める;
老人はそれを見つめます。

Haiku: 黒い階段の下 Under the black stairs.

 

Under the black stairs --

green stains and yellowing mops;

a plastic bucket.

Under the black stairs --

shiny concrete floor and walls;

forgotten stale air.

Under the black stairs --

more black stairs and more black stairs;

there is no ending.

Haiku: 山の月 Moon on the mountain

 

Moon on the mountain --

orange from the sun's last rays;

the sanguine day done.

Moon on the mountain --

the frozen snow burning red

from the failing sun.

Moon on the mountain --

waiting for the sun's last ebb;

a pale assassin.

Today's Timerick: The Country Where Betting on Sports Is Patriotic (WSJ)

 

Sven and Axel made a bet

on an athlete Soviet.

When she fizzled out, they sighed:

"Helvete! Ve took a ride!"

Next they tried a slalom team

cuz they liked their color scheme.

When their team ran last the pain

nearly tore apart their brain.

So they tried the lottery

and lost their Kroner handily.

They are betting fools extreme,

which is ev'ry Norseman's dream.

Even when the country bans

Sven and Axel's greedy hands

from disposing of their dough,

they still manage cash to blow

on the races or the wheel;

so they're mostly down-at-heel.

Whether soccer, track, or darts,

Norsemen always lose their hearts

to the sure thing coming soon --

causing all their wives to swoon.

If a bet you'd like to win

pick out any rolling pin;

then put down your ready bread

that it will hit a spiller's head!

Haiku: ぼやけた白い月 The blurry white moon

 

The blurry white moon --

my insomnia;

yawning in tandem.

The blurry white moon --

a blue light on the stark cold;

tree branches blackened.

The blurry white moon --

a pill and drink of water;

back to her pink warmth.

ぼやけた白い月-

錠剤と水の飲み物;

彼女のピンクの暖かさに戻ります。

 

Haiku: 杉の木の山 The cedar woodpile

 

Piles of cut cedar --

holes where the grubs are digging;

piles of brown sawdust.

Piles of cut cedar --

silver in the cold sunlight;

all the bark fell off.

Piles of cut cedar --

stumpy branches reaching out;

catching plastic bags.

カット杉の山-

ずんぐりした枝が手を伸ばす。

ビニール袋をキャッチします。

***************************

by Amy

the smell of fried eggs --

is yellow, white, and charcoal;

the color of youth.