Tuesday, April 5, 2022

Novel. The Old Funeral Home. Chapter Five. Part One.

 


Novel. The Old Funeral Home. 

Chapter Five. Part One.

 

The Beloved with our KIA, somewhere in the wilds of

Idaho. Monday.  April 4. 2022.  Her 65th birthday.

 

 

Last Sunday, as we took a stroll through the park, taking advantage of a

break in the miserable weather, I turned to my beloved to ask what

she wanted to do for her birthday.

"I want" she said decidedly "to drive up to Sun Valley to see my tree."

The back story is soon told. While working in accounts receivable at

Sun Valley she would go out to a Japanese birch tree in the courtyard

to tell it all her secrets and sorrows. Now she wanted to know if the tree

was still there. If it had kept her secrets.(The place that I lived and

worked in was one building. It was the Sun Valley Resort hospital

building built in the 1940’s. There were 4 wings to the hospital.

It was used for the whole community, not just Sun Valley Resort.

In the late 60’s it was converted to an apartment facility and housed

the seasonal employees. There were also 3 – or more – out buildings

and many trees. 

During the day in spring and summer and early fall I would go outside

at lunch and put my hand on the Japanese Birch tree planted just outside

the front door of where I worked. I felt connected to that tree. I saw a

face in the bark. Talking outloud was not a thing because there were

plenty of people around. I did feel a great deal though. I thought many

things and in my heart felt that God and the tree were hearing my humble

reachings.

 When I was nearing the end of my stay in Sun Valley all the employees

were informed that there was a plan to tear it down and use the space

for something else. True to their word they broke ground for new

apartments. 

I watched the two new apartment buildings be built. They were

very nice. Spacious, secure, nice amenities i.e. laundry rooms,

cafeteria/ commons areas, workout room, vending machines of all

sorts on all floors – 4 or 5 – and the bunk beds were mega beds

with three tiers, two to a room.) 

Six hours (seven hours of actual time) up there in the car. Six

(seven) hours back. Twelve hours in the car. Together. With her

driving. Since I don't drive anymore. (fourteen of total time. It included

stopping for vehicle fuel, leg stretching and other relief.)

Be proud of me, reader. Pat me on the back. Include me in your will.

For the instant she made her request I shot right back: 

"Of course! We'll leave first thing tomorrow morning!" ( I was happy

that he even said that so quickly! I asked him if he really meant it

because I know that it is not easy for him to endure riding in a car.

Driving would be worse. We have not as yet spoken about Tim’s

reticence to drive. He did get a driver’s license when our first child

was 3 months old. We were in Bottineau ND. He got a job at a radio

station KBTO there. The manager told him that he would get a

$100 a month raise if he got a driver’s license. A few hours driving

in the fields and back roads of Bottineau, plus a couple drives to church

– we drove to Minot 65 miles one way – and he passed his drivers test

pretty easily. Parallel parking hangs up most folks so it was no surprise

that he didn’t do so hot with that but otherwise he was fine.  The only

other hang up was his tailbone. You might wonder how we got to the

hospital for the birth of the baby. You might wonder about the remote

place to live and driving when I was obviously in a condition that scares

most people for driving. I just did it. Tim was supportive. Always

asking if it was convenient for me. Those queries became fuel for fire.

Nothing about being a mom is convenient. Nor is it comfortable.

Not easy. Often frustrating. Yet there is always a choice to endure

it well and smile and be nice anyway. Still sometimes it’s a challenge

to do so.

Our first child was born in Tioga Hospital. The doctor in Bottineau

did not advise travel with the baby being due the first part of May.

I wanted to visit my parents since we had not been to see them

since we moved to Bottineau from Provo in November 1980.

It was a 4 hour drive to Tioga from there. The first week of May

came and went. I had quit working at the hospital as a nurse-aid.

The second week of May showed no signs of movement for

the birthing process. The third week was the same. I asked the

doctor if we might have miscalculated the due date. He said the baby

was small and so we might have. When I let him know that I wanted

to travel to Tioga he said that he didn’t advise it – which I said before –

and that if I went that I should know how to get to the hospital.

My parent’s lived just down the hill from the hospital. So the long

car ride and a nice family gathering with music and dancing did the trick

. Madel was born on Memorial day that year. Tim got a day or so off work

because he did not work that weekend. My little brother, a Junior in HS

drove Tim back to work and stayed in Bottineau, scoping out the pool

situation for lifeguard work a month from then. They came back to get me

2 weeks later. Carey stayed with us for a couple months.)

The next morning we were getting gas at the Maverik station in

Brigham City by 8:30 a.m.

Gray sleet washed across the windshield as we talked the miles away.

"If you could live anywhere you wanted, where would it be?" I asked her.

"Omaha" was the prompt answer.

I wanted to reply 'Can anything good come out of Omaha?'

But instead I mildly asked her to enumerate her reasons for wanting

to reside in the midst of the Corn Belt.

The following is not quite verbatim, but it gives an accurate idea

of her response:

"I felt closer to the earth there. My sister Julie and I would

sunbathe every day. There are good park trails to walk on.

An hour a day I walked. Each day. They have a wonderful zoo.

I made good friends at church. The Winter Quarters Visitor's

Center is there. I really connected with my sister Julie. There's a temple

and a Family History Center. The streets are laid out for easy driving.

And they have a lot of organic markets!" 

We lunched at the Perkins in Burley. Fish & chips. Shrimp.

Nothing but water to drink. But two pieces of pie. 

My coccyx ached. My feet began to swell. A headache

was creeping up my scalp like an ant up my ankle. But bravely

I smiled as I said to my Beloved:  "You know, if I'm not careful

I may wind up enjoying this trip."

Sidebar:

I mentioned earlier that one of the clowns in the baker's gag

where I injured my coccyx was Dougie Ashton. From Australia.

He liked to douse my face with soap suds at the gag's blow off.

This would wash off most of my makeup. By the time I got it back

on I would be late for the next production number -- and be fined.

So one day when he shoved the suds into my face I finished the gag,

went back to clown alley, and put his makeup on instead of my own.

It only took a minute. He did a Chaplin. He never put a bubble on me

after that.

 

To continue. In Sun Valley we stopped at Zions Bank so my Beloved

could say hello to an old friend. But the lady in question had been

gone for two weeks. 

The Japanese birch was also gone, as were the buildings around it. 

(I was expecting “the big eye roll” but he was very nice. I was sad

and amazed at the condition of the open city block of grass and trees.

It was tastefully done so you did not know that the buildings and many

old trees had been there at all. If it had not been raining I would have

wanted to get out and walk on the grass and around where the building

had been. I would have gauged where the tree used to stand. I would

have gauged where the office was in which I worked. And where I stayed

in a small 12X12 room. Mapping out on the lawn where the wings were

to the old hospital was in my mind but I didn’t. As we drove past I pointed

at things. But I don’t think he looked. He said uh-huh. And I drove to the

end of the parking lot. The street wound around to the inlet coves for the

tennis courts and lodges for guest stays. At the end of the street was

the Sun Valley City Hall. Turning was the only option. A left turn would

have taken us to the golf course and where Clint Eastwood's home

is but when I asked Tim if he wanted to see it he said, “if you want to see

it go ahead. I really don’t care one way or the other.” I turned right and

we left town. Still closing my grief over the loss of the place I lived and

worked and loved, driving in that valley was painful. No one can see any

remnant of my life there. It’s as if it didn’t exist.

 To see my friend Jill would have been the nicest thing but the other

teller was kind and said she would tell Jill I had stopped.) 

So we drove to Twin Falls to have lamb curry with Amy's sister Kathy

and her husband Steve. At the Little India Restaurant. Our treat.

Then we drove home in the deepening gloom. The Beloved had me

read jokes to her and then put videos on her portable DVD player to keep

her awake. We arrived back in Provo at 10:35 p.m. Weary. Aching.

And triumphant. 

My Beloved said she had gotten closure. And I . . .  I had conquered

my fear and dread of long painful boring car rides. I had remained,

if not chirpy, at least calm and reasonable.

Or my name isn't William Shakespoon.  

 



Narrative Poem: Add Declining Immigration to Problems Weighing on the Labor Market (WSJ)

 



So I was at Stinker

looking for a hot water bottle.

There was no one in the store.

Not a clerk in sight.

A hand-lettered card on

the cash register read:

"Can't find anyone to work for 

12 dollars an hour. So this place

is on the honor system. When you

find what you want please leave the 

exact amount on the register. I'll

come pick it up tonight. Thanks.

The manager."

So I left five dollars for 

my hot water bottle.

It was marked $22.99,

but I figured five bucks was enough

for a self service joint.

Then I went back to my sewer hole.

Where I live.

Now that no more houses are 

being built. 
It's an abandoned sewer line.

So it's dry. And the temperature

remains a steady 75 degrees.

But it's not about the lack of

immigrants. To do the grunt work.

That's false.

It's all that plant-based protein

being passed off as food.

It makes people weak and indecisive.

So nothing gets done.

Tyrants invade small nations and

nobody cares. No one wants a career.

Or to make a living. All we want

is to just get by. 

With plant-based protein. 

The immigrants are still

all around us --

They live in all the abandoned

office spaces.

And are planning something.

Something big.



Photo Essay: Haiku. 行方不明の子供たち The missing children.

 


The missing children --
a growing vacuum in hearts;
gravel wet with tears.



what happens when my
bar code expires -- death?
or inventory?



nature has such eyes
as see when even blinded --
and they do not blink

Sunday, April 3, 2022

Haiku: ひびの入った歩道に On the cracked sidewalk

 


On the cracked sidewalk

in the foolish April sun --

winter trash abounds.




faint hieroglyphics 

in the Flying J car lot --

Polish dogs are stale.




flowing down from trees

floating on the cold black dirt

like a tentacle



Photo Essay: Not Going To China Anymore.

 










Novel. The Old Funeral Home. Chapter Four. Part Three.

 

The Beloved with her sister up in Wendell, Idaho. Friday, April 1.
2022. They are discussing Musica Universalis.


The world will listen gladly to/great nonsense from some buckeroo/But when a prophet speaks for God/most people think it very odd/and say it isn't true because/it's not what his close neighbor does/And so in darkness most proceed/just starving on mere chicken feed!
******************************************

Tailbone pain — pain that occurs in or around the bony structure at the bottom of the spine (coccyx) — can be caused by trauma to the coccyx during a fall, prolonged sitting on a hard or narrow surface, degenerative joint changes, or vaginal childbirth.

Tailbone pain can feel dull and achy but typically becomes sharp during certain activities, such as sitting, rising from a seated to a standing position or prolonged standing. Defecation and sex also might become painful. For women, tailbone pain can make menstruation uncomfortable as well.

Tailbone pain, also called coccydynia or coccygodynia, usually goes away on its own within a few weeks or months. To lessen tailbone pain in the meantime, it might help to:

  • Lean forward while sitting down
  • Sit on a doughnut-shaped pillow or wedge (V-shaped) cushion
  • Apply heat or ice to the affected area
  • Take over-the-counter pain relievers, such as acetaminophen (Tylenol, others), ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin IB, others) or aspirin

If your tailbone pain doesn't improve (chronic coccydynia), consult your doctor. He or she might do a rectal exam to rule out any other conditions. Your doctor might recommend using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to find out if you have a fracture, degenerative changes or, in rare cases, a tumor.

Possible treatments for chronic tailbone pain might include:

  • Physical therapy. A physical therapist might show you how to do pelvic floor relaxation techniques, such as breathing deeply and completely relaxing your pelvic floor — as you would while urinating or defecating.
  • Manipulation. Massaging the muscles attached to the tailbone might help ease pain. Manipulation is typically done through the rectum.
  • Medication. An injection of a local anesthetic into the tailbone can relieve pain for a few weeks. Certain antidepressants or anti-epileptic medications might relieve tailbone pain as well.
  • Surgery. During a procedure known as a coccygectomy, the coccyx is surgically removed. This option is typically only recommended when all other treatments fail.
This information from the Mayo Clinic website will come in handy during the following narration.
*************************

Part 3

Wendell, is the lemon-growing  capital of Idaho. Since they can’t grow any lemons there anyway, there is no one to dispute that. In 2020 a man posted on Carl's Jr. Twitter account that he’d lost his dog at the Wendy’s in Wendell. It looks like a black lab. The post has never been updated. (and since there’s no Wendy’s in Wendell . . . there’s no one to dispute that!!)


The area around Wendell is known as Magic Valley. I don’t know why. (Most people talk of the dairy farms and the aroma surrounding that industry. I personally had only noticed the aroma at moments of driving past the large feedlots along I84 as we drove to my sister’s place. The last time we stayed there though, I was wakened in the middle of the night by a distinct odor emanating from the cows. I had never experienced that before in the 5 off and on years I spent in her house.) The reason we are writing about Wendell, Idaho instead of Tioga ND right now is because we just got back from a trip to Wendell, ID. A matter of 4 hours driving. I15 to I84. 


The reason for the trip was so my beloved could spend time with her sister on their farm in Wendell. It was my birthday present to her. Because, you see, I hate to travel more than a few miles from home anymore. One of the main reasons for this is a bruised tailbone. When I sit in a car, any car, After the first hour or so, my tailbone is on fire. And so, I need to get out of the car about every hour and walk around for a good 10 minutes, to let the pain diminish. 


I injured my coccyx in Denver Colorado, back in 1972 when I was a first-of-May with Ringling Brothers. We were doing the Bakers Gag. Dougie Ashton and Swede Johnson were the groom and bride respectively, who came into the center ring, transformed into a bakery, to purchase their wedding cake. After much byplay, Dougie, as the bride, swipes the wedding cake and begins to run out of the ring with it. He trips and falls face first into the foam rubber cake, which is hollow and filled with shaving cream. And goo goes flying everywhere. Black out.


I didn’t have much to do in the gag because Prince Paul, a dwarf clown, had the job to beat the snot out of me with various oversized baking utensils and rolling pins. In Denver, Prince gave me a standard blow to the face and I fell backwards. The rules of slapstick, mandate that when you fall on your back you break the fall with the palms of your hands. I neglected that rule for the first and only time during the matinee. And was temporarily paralyzed from the waist down. I had to be carried out of the ring.


I spent a week in bed and then went back to work. But as the years have sped by my bruised coccyx, like a trick knee, acts up from time to time. Mostly curing long car rides. And so today I prefer to stay home always.(the children have other reasons they don’t like car rides. I would travel with them buckled in the car seats on long car rides. Visiting my parents when we didn’t live with them. Traveling to new places to live when we were moving away from them. Visiting Tim when he would have jobs that took him away from Minneapolis, when we lived there. Each of the children down to Virginia have a story about riding in those long car rides. The one thing they rarely did was complain about how long of a ride it was. I kept them busy with their own travel bag that had coloring things and snacks – I have never let my cars get nasty with dropped food or left over drinks rotting, I hate that smell – They were good little travelers. None of them ever complained about picking up the trash as soon as we stopped anywhere. The ritual was always: pile out and go to the restroom, get a drink of water and pick up trash. Once in a while I would tell them there would be an extra snack if they found all the crayons or markers. I always made an extra sweep of the car when we stopped at our destination. Using the vacuum cleaner on the car was my job until Adam was old enough to actually like doing that job. Our cars were many. My parents gave us their 1973 blue ford station wagon when we were married. When that one was ruined one fateful trip back to Minneapolis they gave us their ‘69 gold colored dodge station wagon. It didn’t last long since it was older than the ford.I found a toyota station wagon and we limped along in that until my emotional brother felt generous and gave us his 1978 Toyota Corolla two door. The catch was that I needed to get to Utah and retrieve it! Yep. I went there to get it. I was expecting Irv. Tim was in Mpls. while the kids and I were with my parents. On the way back from Utah Mom drove one car with the boys. I drove the corolla with the girls. Sarah and I saw a moose. We told stories to each other because I didn’t have a car seat her size and I was holding her when my youngest sister had the driver’s seat of the girls’ car. The next time we went to Utah was two years later for a family reunion. I drove 6 children and me in the two-door corolla. Tim stayed in Mpls, he suffered with the coccyx issue. We were a sight! My other brother told me to find a vehicle to fit my family and he would buy it. I looked in the want-ads of the newspaper – it was before the days of online search popularity – I found a ‘90 chevy Astro van. He bought it for cash. That was a very quiet ride home to MN. That van stayed with us until after the birth of our 8th child.)


Now I’m going to try to explain what my Beloved and her sister Kathy talked about while they were together. I have my own theories and reasoning about the subjects, which may or maynot jibe with what the two sisters have put together as a sort of theory/ theology.


In my mind they were talking about what is known in philosophical circles as the music of the spheres. Philosophers have long posited that each planet in the solar system, along with the sun itself and all the moons, resonate with different and unique harmonic chords. For the most part the human ear does not hear these vibrations as an audible sound. But they can influence both our spiritual well-being. Sort of along the lines of playing Mozart for your plants. Although that is a gross oversimplification. (I think this is a paragraph to invite me to share here. I can only share that my sister and I often talk of things to do with bringing together mind and heart. If someone wants to know about it they will ask. Tim asked me to expound on what she and I were talking about, so I told him a little. If anyone wants to know the information is out there. I have spoken about asking questions. I encourage people to ask! Ask God and He will direct your path.)


Now I am going to brush my teeth. I just bought an Oral-B electric toothbrush and it’s giving me a lot of hygienic pleasure.





Friday, April 1, 2022

Ben Franklin

 

Ben Franklin ran the Post Office/He made it pay its way/Delivery was certain/and came neatly twice a day/The penny post they called it/knitting folks together by/encouraging the writing/of epistles fond or sly/Good Ben I'm sorry to report/the Post Office right now/has slowed to an eccentric crawl/mixed up like stale chow chow/Perhaps your portly spirit/with great humor to deploy/cajoling can get action/from this fellow named DeJoy/Otherwise dear Franklin/I'm afraid the mail is dead/with new trucks blowing greenhouse gas/while sitting in their shed!

Wednesday, March 30, 2022

Novel. The Old Funeral Home. Chapter Four. Part Two.

 

The Beloved at her computer. Wednesday. March 30.
2022. She often brags to me: "I can do boring."
She well knows I cannot. That's what keeps
me from doing much with Family Search.

The tap water in Tioga was delicious. That's because they put in a new well in 1991. I reported on it. Because, at the time, I was the News Director for radio station KTGO. Dave Guttormson, manager. 
Full Disclosure: I was actually just a deejay, but Dave let me do news on the side just so I could maybe somehow with god's blessing and if there were a blue moon get a regular broadcast news job again so we didn't have to live with the Beloved's parents in the Old Funeral Home. I didn't get paid any extra for it.
I don't remember how I got hired for the position. Most anyone could get a deejay job there. Even the Beloved's sister Ova. The station was a daytimer -- it could only operate from sun up to sun down. I manned the board from noon until sign off. In winter that was just four and a half hours. The station's format was country-western. I have always loathed country-western. Except for Homer & Jethro. 
We'll get back to that loathing in a moment, folks.
But first I want to go back to KSAL Radio in Salina, Kansas. After I got released from my contract to be Ronald McDonald in Wichita, I was able to latch on to a news job at KSAL. It lasted all of 2 days. The first day at work I wore a necktie, as was required in the employee handbook. The second day I showed up wearing a bow tie, and was summarily fired for insubordination. For wearing a bow tie. As Jonathan Brewster says in Arsenic and Old Lace: "I have led a strange life."
Anyway. Back to Tioga, with the new well. That water was great. I drank glass after glass. It was always ice cold, coming out of the North Dakota tundra as it did. Everyone drank tap water. There was no such thing as bottled water in town. Except for Perrier -- which only a Rockefeller could afford. Anybody else who drank it was considered a foreign spy or effete Hollywood snob. It was the stuff that Thurston Howell the Third would have on Gilligan's Isle if he could get it.
The best tasting water I ever had was as a kid in the summer. When we'd slake our thirst straight out of the vinyl garden hose in the backyard. After fermenting in the hot sun all day, that tube of water, bursting with toxic chemicals from the vinyl, had a toothsome tang I can still smack my lips over. It's probably why I grew a second liver.
As you can tell, I'm not big on chronology in this memoir/novel/taradiddle. I've given up telling you what year this or that happened. I'm depending on the Beloved to do it. If she wants. She likes detail. I like vagueness. 
In the summer at KTGO I was putting in long hours, working from noon until after 9 p.m. At least they seemed like long hours to me. The roustabouts in the Tioga oilfields, of course, were working 48 hours straight. But they were being paid a relative fortune for it. Whereas my salary, if I remember correctly, was a measly five bucks an hour.
I introduced one of Willie Nelsons songs by saying, on the air, "Here's Willie Nelson singing Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain. This is a favorite of mine, because it gives me enough time to hit the john."
I got reprimanded for that by Guttormson in a curious way. He demoted me from doing any news to just plain deejay and gave the news position to a friend of his, an itinerant plumber. 
This did not sit particularly well with me, although I didn't receive a pay cut or anything. Still, now my chances of getting another news position were beyond the point of nil.
At the same time I had a flourishing side gig going on. Writing Letters to the Editor for the Minot Daily News. They would print all that I sent them. They were humorous letters, along the lines of Petroleum V. Nasby, (Google it -- it's a real person.) So I had high hopes that if a real radio job never came along I might be the next Mark Twain. But I wrote a letter lambasting country western music, saying it all sounded like 'a drunk in a brick alley arguing with a prostitute." It got printed in the Minot Daily News. And for that, Guttormson fired me.
Where did we go after that? I don't remember. Maybe the Beloved does.
I remember we once went to her high school reunion in Stanley. Each alumnus was invited to stand and give a brief history of themselves since graduating. Part of the Beloved's verbal autobiography was: "We have moved 28 times since being married -- and we're not even in the military!" 
[The Beloved is too busy folding laundry to add anything to this particular part at the moment.]

(Where did we go after that? (Tim went to Minneapolis and did some job hopping and apartment hunting. He lived with his parents while I stayed with the children at my folks house. I moved the three oldest into the library where it was warmer than staying in the little house. I stayed on the couch in the living room with Sarah’s crib next to me. Sarah was a sweet baby who never cried. My dad formed a relationship with her because she was so quiet. She got pneumonia and had to be hospitalized for a week during that winter. The kids and I went to the hospital to be with her. I worked for the school from time to time as a gymnastics judge. It was money but not very much. Tension was high between my parents and me because I had so many kids there and they had their own family. My little brother was not yet 6 years old! I remember one phone call from Tim where I told him in tears that I was so tired of doing this!)  I don't remember. Maybe the (my)Beloved does. (I don’t blame Tim for not remembering the way things went. He was working constantly at forgetting it.)

**************************************

I've started taking melatonin again. My current sleep pattern is to go to bed at 11p.m. and then be awake at 4a.m. I'd give anything to sleep a few more hours. When I'm awake so early and the Beloved continues her deep rest I like to write short religious verse for Twitter. Today I wrote:
When God looks down from heaven/I wonder what he sees/to give his heart deep pleasure/and set his mind at ease/The sinner's restitution, and kindness to a foe/I think make him feel better/than any chanting show.
I consider these rhymes as a sort of social media missionary work.
Also this morning I sent some verses to Dorothy Rabinowitz of the Wall Street Journal, about the Post Office:

Ben Franklin ran the Post Office/He made it pay its way/Delivery was certain/and came neatly twice a day/The penny post they called it/knitting folks together by/encouraging the writing/of epistles fond or sly/Good Ben I'm sorry to report/the Post Office right now/has slowed to an eccentric crawl/mixed up like stale chow chow/Perhaps your portly spirit/with great humor to deploy/cajoling can get action/from this fellow named DeJoy/Otherwise dear Franklin/I'm afraid the mail is dead/with new trucks blowing greenhouse gas/while sitting in their shed!

The fleshpots of Egypt

 The fleshpots of Egypt are always at hand/making us slaves in our very own land/A famine of wisdom and plain common sense/leaves us with nothing but hollow pretense/Send us the manna of tolerance, Lord/Deliver us from dogma's dull rusty sword!