Tim Torkildson's Clown Alley

Thursday, March 29, 2018

From the New York Times. Thursday. March 29. 2018.

A study by American and Swiss researchers

found that toy ducks appeared to be a

breeding ground for microbes. The

murky water released from four out of

every five ducks tested included Legionella

along with Pseudomonas aeruginosa bacteria,

often associated with infections acquired in hospitals,

the authors of the study said.

Taking baths ain’t fun no more

As the microbe count does soar.

Even rubber ducks now count

As a germ-infested mount.

Guess I must begin to stink

So I can stay in the pink.

From Ohio

Asked who they trust more to tell the truth about important issues,

24.5 percent of registered Ohio voters said Trump and 34 percent

said the news media.

from the Toledo Blade.

There was a young man from Maumee

Who thought most reporters were free

From telling the truth;

Then too this stout youth

Thought Trump was a fib devotee.

The Devil is a Dirty Bird

. . . wherefore there must needs be a place of filthiness prepared

for that which is filthy.

First Nephi. Chapter Fifteen. Verse 34.

The devil is a dirty bird, who wants to kill hygiene

In the soul and body so that nothing’s ever clean.

Don’t fool yourself in thinking that if it is just organic

It must be good and wholesome, not a bit at all satanic.

Just like cleaning up the house and yard are righteous duties,

So the heart and soul need constant grooming to stop cooties.

Prayer and scripture study wash away the daily grime

That keeps us from performing at our everlasting prime.

I’ll have to start spring cleaning to remove the winter’s crust

Of sloth and negativity that’s gummed up faith and trust.

My dust bunnies of sin and doubt need sweeping right away,

So my house is in order for the coming Judgement Day!

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

the mirror opens

to a puddle settling

in the pale stillness

From the Wall Street Journal. Wednesday March 28. 2018.

In a recent study, Adobe found that about 28% of website traffic
showed strong “non-human signals,” leading the company to
believe that the traffic came from bots or click farms.
The company studied traffic across websites belonging to
thousands of clients.

My click farm is such a fine place;

Tucked away in cyberspace.

I do not raise wheat,

squeeze sugar from beet --

Just make up a customer base!

Human-resource departments are becoming a bit less human
as companies turn to artificial intelligence for help with hiring
and firing—and to learn how employees really feel about
their bosses.

If my boss knew just how I felt

About the way his feet have smelt,

Or how his stale breath

Brings thoughts of quick death,

His ego would certainly melt.

Long shunned as a pariah by the international community,
Mr. Kim and his regime have sought legitimacy and recognition as a
nuclear-weapons state as the country’s dilapidated economy has
faced ever-tougher sanctions.

That Kim is a popular guy.

He’s stunning in his windsor tie.

A gadabout, sure,

But with his allure

He’s leaving behind the small fry.

. . . that he may lead us away into some strange wilderness . . .

First Nephi. Chapter Sixteen. Verse 38.

In this world of flimflam there are many who will lead

The unwary and gullible to trouble with great speed.

They write a book; they give a talk; they put ads on TV;

They may have started honestly, but soon turn slippery.

Strange places they will take you, if you listen to their spiel.

And what they have to offer always borders on surreal.

We want a New Jerusalem; we crave a sudden fix,

And so these scoundrels multiply with all their crafty tricks.

I, too, have fallen for their guff from time to time, alas;

So learn from my experience and give these knaves a pass.

Take your feelings straight to God when schemers come your way;

Wisdom comes to even fools once they have learned to pray.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

cold rapture

too late for winter

cold branches writhe in anguish

or perhaps rapture

From the Wall Street Journal. Tuesday March 27 2018.

Guests on “Hot Ones” regularly freak out—and give candid interviews
to audiences in the millions. On the program, which posts a new episode
online every Thursday morning, host Sean Evans asks celebrities about
their careers while together they eat 10 progressively spicier chicken
wings. Episodes run around 22 minutes.

Cain slew Abel not because he hated godly things,

But because poor Abel wouldn’t share his chicken wings.

The Flood that Noah circumvented on his wooden ship

Was caused by all the tears shed eating chick wings with hot dip.

Caligula, that awful man, would torture victims by

Dousing them with hot sauce till for mercy they did cry.

And Ghengis Khan rode roughshod over half of Europe cuz

He couldn’t find a drink to counteract that hot wings buzz.

Minions of the Inquisition kept a pinion pot

Boiling by their victims side and fed them piping hot.

Gestapo agents also used the fear of Scoville levels

To rip confessions from gourmets in Vichy France -- the devils!

It’s clear to me hot chicken wings are not meant for mankind.

Their spiciness and greasiness will make you lose your mind.

Abusing tastebuds with such stuff is such a curse, not blessing --

So pass another wing this way, along with the ranch dressing!

From USA Today. Tuesday March 27 2018.

It's all part of a "free-range kids" bill signed by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert last week. The law, which specifies it is not neglectful to let children wander independently, will take effect May 8. An age limit was purposely not defined, but the law says children left alone should display maturity and good judgment.

Children who are left to wander

Have a lot of time to ponder

Why adults don’t wander too --

Since work is such a bugaboo.

If not for this unholy grind

That makes me want to lose my mind

I too would amble like a child

And drive the neighborhood quite wild.

If drifting children only knew

How lucky they are to pass through

Times when they can just meander,

Unlike drudges or bystander!