the yellow flowers

the yellow flowers

feel the sunlight shine for them --

the slow simple warmth

My Sister Sue Ellen

This is the story of an inheritance gone awry. Of an injustice, or perhaps of my just desserts -- I guess it depends on who's telling the story. I still can't think of it without becoming confused and sad. But at least I'm not angry any more. I've had to wait nearly ten years for the anger and bitterness to drain away, so that I could tell this tale. Here goes:

My last real circus job was with Culpepper & Merriweather Circus, out of Hugo, Oklahoma. I was their Publicity Director. I had the job for two seasons, and enjoyed spreading the inflated ballyhoo I was expected to deliver in each podunk town we played. Towards the end of my second season with them Trey Key, the owner, stopped sending me my salary. I visited the show down in Texas just before it closed to confront him about it. Business was slow, but would undoubtedly pick up in the last two weeks -- so he'd make it up to me then. Not really having much of a choice, I swallowed his baloney with as much grace as possible, finished up my work, and drove up to Minneapolis to visit my mother before looking for some winter work. 

I never got my six weeks back salary. Trey Key never answered any of my phone calls, emails, or letters again. And mom told me she had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure -- the doctors gave her six months to live. She didn't want to move into a nursing home at the end of her life, so she asked me to take care of her until it was over as her live-in attendant. She'd pay me enough so I could make my child support payments each month. And they were staggering payments -- when Amy and I parted we had eight children. Even after our son Irvin died at age nine the Child Support authorities continued to charge me for him as well as for the seven remaining kids. 

I took care of mom -- but not for six months. She lasted nearly two more years. I cooked and cleaned and washed for her, and towards the end I gave her showers and enemas, too. She wore a diaper, which I changed several times each day. As she grew weaker my brother Billy and my sister Sue Ellen systematically stripped her of  her jewelry, copper cookware, furniture, and anything else they took a fancy to. 

"She won't be needing it anymore" they told me on several occasions. "Don't worry; you'll be taken care of in the will."

 The only thing they didn't get was mom's silverware; she had me hide it under her bed to give to my sister, Linda, when she came to visit from Oregon. This really enraged Sue Ellen -- and maybe that's why she did what she did.

 The day of my mother's death the office informed me that I had 48 hours to clear out of her apartment, so they could get the place rented quickly. And instead of attending the reading of mom's will, I found myself in Hennepin County District Court, being told by a judge that the executor of mom's will, my sister Sue Ellen, had filed suit to have my portion of the inheritance -- forty thousand dollars -- delivered directly to my former wife Amy. I would not receive a penny of it. After Amy received the payment I wrote her to ask for a few thousand dollars of it back to get a place to live while I looked for work. She refused. Her reply was unpleasant and vindictive. I still don't like to think about it. 

My home teacher, Dick Johnson, let me stay in his basement rent free until I could get back on my feet. That's when I panhandled on Nicollet Mall for my living -- and got a phone call from Thailand from Bruce Veldhuisen offering me a job at his English School in Ban Phe if I could pay my own way there. With help from a lot of good friends and members of my Ward I got enough money together to fly to Thailand and begin a new career as a TEFL teacher. 

So . . . did Sue Ellen do me harm or do me a favor when she had the court take away my inheritance? With that money I could have started a new life in the United States -- and without it I felt forced to flee to Thailand to escape further depredations by the Child Support and Court authorities. In the long run, things turned out better for me than I could ever have imagined. I'm now at peace, living in Provo, near many of my children and grandchildren. I spend my days writing poetry. I'm about as happy as I believe I can ever be. 

As for Sue Ellen, I asked her several years ago why she felt impelled to do such a bitchy thing to her own brother. Her reply was incoherent and filled with curses and blasphemy. But the gist of it was the same as Iago's at the end of Shakespeare's Othello:

"Demand me nothing. What you know, you know. From this time forth I never will speak word." 

summer won't let go

the smoky red haze

of a morning brush fire --

summer won't let go

The Barn Wedding

Weddings on picturesque farms are hot. But rustic beauty comes with a price. Couples and guests must brave the elements and the animals: curious cattle, farm vermin, barnyard smells, and the occasional spitting llama.  WSJ

Those who insist they be wed

in agricultural shed

are only previewing

a life full of mooing

and chaff in their nuptial bed

Wholeness

A falling off of wholeness seems

to push me to complete extremes;

at times I'm merry and content,

at other points I'm crabbed and bent.

My days are embers, cooling fast;

God only knows how long they'll last.

To suck the sweetness from each one

I did what ev'ry fool has done --

Climbed on the tinsel carousel

and stormed romantic citadel;

pursued the wind to catch a breeze

and found that life is just a tease.

But though I felt I ought to cease

to count upon the Man of Peace,

when all my labors came to naught,

His love has my new wholeness wrought.

Berlin’s mayor tries to wean Germans off the H20 bottle

Public drinking fountains are surprisingly rare in Germany, a country that prides itself on environmentalism, innovation and universal access to basic necessities. But Müller and his colleagues hope to change that, setting an eco-friendly example for other German cities by adding 100 new fountains to the roughly 50 already in the Berlin capital.   WaPo

There was a young woman from Kiel

who shunned bottled water's appeal.

She drank from the curb,

which soon did disturb

her liver and lights at each meal.

 

A Tweet from Trump -- John Kerry is a Traitor!

John Kerry had illegal meetings with the very hostile Iranian Regime, which can only serve to undercut our great work to the detriment of the American people. He told them to wait out the Trump Administration! Was he registered under the Foreign Agents Registration Act? BAD! @realDonaldTrump

John Kerry is a traitor and should be hung up by his thumbs.

His sneaky dealings with Iran are making me take Tums!

When will our gallant people see that this bad Democrat

is treating their poor President worse than an old door mat?

A Tweet from Trump -- His great economic policy

The problem with banker Jamie Dimon running for President is that he doesn’t have the aptitude or “smarts” & is a poor public speaker & nervous mess - otherwise he is wonderful. I’ve made a lot of bankers, and others, look much smarter than they are with my great economic policy! @realDonaldTrump

My financial plans are so sound

that happiness soon will abound.

The poor will delight

when they see the sight

of rich folk majestically gowned.

discarded apples

discarded apples

on a pile of green pine boughs --

not yet mushy brown

Insignificance, or Confessions of a Crumb

Why should I feel convivial

that I am deeply trivial?

The only largeness to me traced

is likely my expanding waist.

Otherwise, my life is shrinking;

consequence is wishful thinking.

My days are marked by details small;

I'm in a microscopic thrall.

Should ramen noodles be my lunch?

(God doesn't care, I have a hunch.)

Small things may lead to great in some;

but me, I guess I'll stay a crumb.