Those Wacky California Pension Laws -- Facebook -- That Damn Wall Again -- Are We Deporting Our Own Soldiers?

The case argued Wednesday involved a challenge to a 2012 law that took away an opportunity for state employees to pay a fee to tack an extra five years onto their work history.

California legislators created the opportunity for “air time” — so called because the employee does not actually work — for pension calculations in 2003. Workers had to have at least five years of state service to take advantage of it.  LATimes 

I'd like an air time pension, cuz I want to loaf about --

why should I slave away at work until I am worn out?

If legislators wanna give me gravy for my train

I'll take it very gladly with no scruple and no strain.

In fact I say they should increase this airy benefit

so after one week on the job I can just up and quit.

*********************************

LONDON — Facebook used the mountains of data it collected on users to favor certain partners and punish rivals, giving companies such as Airbnb and Netflix special access to its platform while cutting off others that it perceived as threats.   NYT

Facebook hasn't got a clue

when it comes to counting coup.

They think scalps around their belt

will increase their hankered gelt.

And they hand out bribes like sweets

(I'd like to see their balance sheets.)

Money and position are

their one and only guiding star.

************************

WASHINGTON—Negotiations over President Trump’s demand for $5 billion in border wall funding have injected tension between some House and Senate Democrats and added a new wrinkle to House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s quest to become speaker in January.  WSJ

That Wall is getting in my hair.

That Wall seems to be everywhere.

It's on TV; it's in the Times;

it's creeping into all my rhymes!

Although unbuilt, that Wall is real;

it's in my head like some brain eel.

It causes shut-downs and despair;

how did it get so doctrinaire?

I wouldn't mind a ditch or trench --

but that damn Wall's a monkey wrench!

*************************************

The U.S. soldier was ready to deploy across the world at a moment’s notice, but when the orders came down weeks ago to mobilize on the southern border, it sparked a flash of concern.

He knew the mission was in support of border agents combing harsh borderland terrain to arrest anyone unlawfully in the country.

People like him.

“I’m an illegal immigrant,” the Chinese-born soldier told The Washington Post by phone.

The enemy is bureaucrats

who have the brains of simple gnats

and move so slow on keen requests

to be a citizen, not guests.

The Army now is full of troops

who'd gladly jump through fiery hoops

to be a citizen and serve

their new country without reserve.

Our promises to them we skirt

and hide behind the Trump stuffed shirt.

Old Uncle Sam must shed a tear

to see such soldiers disappear.

Retirement Makes Millionaires of LA Cops -- Trump Tweets Terrorize Traders -- Don't Mess With Dixie Delusions

The controversial retirement program that pays Los Angeles police and firefighters their salaries and pensions simultaneously at the end of their careers has not been “cost-neutral” — as was promised to voters when they approved it in 2001.

That’s the conclusion of a study called for by Mayor Eric Garcetti and City Council members earlier this year after a Times investigation found that more than 1,200 participants who entered the Deferred Retirement Option Plan had then taken injury leaves at essentially twice their usual pay.

LATimes

The city of Los Angeles is bankrupt -- here's the reason:

their pension plan for officers is monetary treason.

With paydays that you cannot get outside of Vegas, chum,

it's certain a retired cop cannot become a bum.

In fact, they've gamed the system so when they're put out to graze

they can afford to sleep on beds of truffles Lyonnaise.

 *********************************

Stocks around the world tumbled on Wednesday, a day after Mr. Trump posted a series of messages on Twitter warning that a fragile cease-fire in the trade war between the United States and China could be derailed. The declines in Asia and Europe came after stocks on Wall Street fell more than 3 percent on Tuesday.    NYT

A trader on Wall Street bemoaned

the fact that he was getting boned

by tweets from the Chief

without much relief --

his yacht purchase must be postponed.

*************************************

According to the gospel of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, President Abraham Lincoln ordered an invasion of the breakaway states not as a crusade for natural rights but to keep the union intact and perpetuate the federal government’s economic bullying of the South. As for human bondage, the practice had been dying organically worldwide, and, in due course, it would have ended in Dixie without bloodshed — incrementally, in a reasonable manner . . . . .                    Washington Post

Dixie is a state of mind

that to history is blind.

Slavery a mere footnote;

state's rights was the true scapegoat.

When you hear a rebel yell,

duck your head and run like hell --

for the Dixie-crats are out,

marching proud (though most have gout.)

*****************************

If the world hopes to make meaningful progress on climate change, it won’t be enough for cars and factories to get cleaner. Our cows and wheat fields will have to become radically more efficient, too.

Brad Plumer in the NYT

to grow food on less and less land
there's one thing we must understand:
to tinker with genes
until our green beans
are grown and picked already canned.

*************************************

The Straw that Broke LA's Back -- Back to the Old Arms Race -- First Romaine, Now Ground Beef

The city of Los Angeles took a step Tuesday toward limiting the availability of single-use plastic straws in restaurants, joining the state and a slew of smaller cities that have approved similar restrictions.

The measure, which was approved by the City Council 12-0, asks for an ordinance to be drafted that requires all dining establishments to give out plastic straws only by request, and studies a complete ban in the future.

LATimes

The plastic straw now enters ranks

of things for which we don't give thanks.

Pariah, indeed;

much worse than a weed --

with lips we'll now sip like real cranks.

**************************************

Mr. Pompeo said the U.S. would be free to develop and test a range of weapons if Russia failed to meet the deadline. He said Russia was in “flagrant violation” of the accord, citing cruise-missile tests as an example. Moscow has denied breaching the accord.   WSJ

The Big Boys like to play with bombs; it's no fun to be hobbled.

And so they take their marbles home, and amity has wobbled.

It's not enough that global warmth is threatening the planet;

these juggernauts prepare for war -- their heads are made of granite.

Perhaps some race from Planet X will to our rescue come,

and shrink these darn warmongers to a pack of chewing gum.

*********************************

Authorities expanded a nationwide recall of raw beef products on Tuesday after hundreds of people fell ill from salmonella infection.

Washington Post

A hamburger rare is no sin.

But tainted, it might do you in.

They're recalling beef

-- the same old motif --

and notifying all next of kin.

***********************

The Firetraps of Los Angeles -- French Government Backs Down on New Taxes -- Don't Be Late, Unless You're the Boss -- QAnon Strikes Again! -- World Central Kitchen

A long-debated development in a remote, uninhabited part of Los Angeles County could be vulnerable to dangerous wildfires of the type California has seen in recent months, prompting concerns about the safety of building there.

The Centennial development at Tejon Ranch would sit squarely within “high” and “very high” fire hazard severity zones as defined by the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection.  LATimes. 

A new house that's built in LA

will not have a permanent stay.

Another dry year

makes it disappear

as wildfires hold their soiree.

***************************

PARIS — In a major concession by President Emmanuel Macron, France will suspend for six months a tax increase on gasoline and diesel fuel that had been slated for January, in an attempt to quell weeks of protests and rioting by the so-called Yellow Vests movement.

NYT

More taxes on gas there in France?

So sorry Macron -- not a chance!

Your countrymen feel

that when at the wheel

there's no room for further finance.

***************************************

“The real world does not run on Michigan Time,” said Ms. Morales, who is studying mountain meteorology and atmospheric rivers.  WSJ

The real world is never on time,

though tardiness is called a crime.

Your boss can be late,

but you'll get the gate

if tardy you are on his dime.

*************************

The Florida SWAT team leader who wore a QAnon patch on his uniform while meeting Vice President Pence last week has been disciplined by the sheriff’s office that he works for and will lose his tactical assignment, officials announced Monday.    Washington Post. 

It seems that meeting Michael Pence

is fraught with danger and suspense;

for if you wear offending gear

they throw you out upon your ear.

The only way to meet this dude

is if you are completely nude!
************************************
A Tribute to World Central Kitchen

Though folk don’t live by bread alone

The Good Book cannot bake a scone.

And those who toil to bring a meal

To refugees show godly zeal.

Lip service is what mostly comes

When people lack a few spare crumbs.

What good the empty-handed priest

To folk who think an egg’s a feast?

State Legislatures are Going Power-Mad -- The Populists are Flying Up Their own Butts for the Winter -- Yellow Vests Still on the Rampage in France

In recent years, single parties have come to dominate state legislatures, allowing lawmakers to make significant policy changes in states even as Washington wrestled with gridlock. But in states like Wisconsin and Michigan, where Democrats regained governor’s offices in capitals that Republicans fully controlled for years, Republicans are making last-minute efforts to weaken their powers.    NYT

Don't ask me to be Governor;

the job ain't worth the pay --

with legislators scheming

 to defeat me ev'ry day.

They neutralize my powers

and make me a laughingstock

so that all my proclamations

are just ineffective schlock.

You can play at Governor;

a lobbyist for me!

Those guys wield all the power

and collect the largest fee!

*****************************

If this year’s midterm elections are any clue, the populist surge on which Mr. Trump capitalized two years ago isn’t spreading widely. In fact, when measured by two key indicators of populist and nationalist sentiment—immigration and free trade—it hasn’t spread much at all.

WSJ

The populist's a funny bird;

he's either mad or too absurd.

Thank goodness that mere common sense

is fighting their unsound pretense.

When populists go back to sleep

the country can stop counting sheep.

******************************

PARIS — France was surveying the damage Monday after another weekend of violent “yellow vest” protests rocked the country.

In the capital, the protests left charred car frames, shattered shop windows and vandalized monuments — as well as a presidency in crisis.

Washington Post

I wish I were a Yellow Vest;

I'd never have to be repressed.

I'd smash up statues like a hood

because I was misunderstood.

A pyromaniac I'd be

and cause the innocent to flee.

And when the Prez said "That's enough!"

I'd laugh and take a pinch of snuff.

Cuz Yellow Vests have no remorse;

they're Vikings like those good old Norse.

And when I'd leveled Paris, France,

I'd do a courtly little dance

and look around for mischief more --

till I am drilled by army corps. 

Should Poor People be Allowed to Have Children? -- Unplugging Children for the Holidays -- Victoria's Secret is Kaput

We have an economy that has been carefully crafted to serve those at the top, and yet for many of those who struggle, even if they’re working, we have so much contempt. By the way, people of all income levels make decisions that might appear ill-advised or even crazy. And not all poor people remain poor, or make bad choices, or have a lot of kids, but we’re quick to wag a finger at those who do.   By Steve Lopez in the LATimes. 

If ev'ryone waited till they

had excellent jobs with good pay

to start having kids

we'd all hit the skids

(would YOU be here now, anyway?)

*****************************************

Although there are gizmos, gadgets and apps that purport to do all of these things, you can get the same — if not better — results with toys that don’t plug in or require batteries. Think of a board game, finger paints, a pile of Lego bricks, or a tea set for a make-believe tea party.

“High-quality toys need not be expensive,”  pediatricians emphasize.

Karen Kaplin in the LATimes.

Kids are now hooked on a screen.

They never are heard, nor are seen.

So come this Yuletide

sit them at ringside --

for Uno and checkers, I mean.

*********************************

Instead of people focusing on high-profile models such as Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid or Adriana Lima’s retirement, there were lots of thinkpieces. Specifically, about why the annual lingerie runway show is problematic; whether it has a place in “an era of corporate wokeness”; how some viewers are boycotting the show; whether the brand is “over”; and more. The New York Times reported that while Victoria’s Secret is still the top lingerie brand in the country, sales are down and the stock recently dropped 41 percent.   Washington Post. 

The market is down, I must say,

for peddling sheer lingerie.

The issue of gender

ties each pantie vendor

in knots like complex macrame.

*****************************

The Short Lifespan of Journalists -- Down with Tuna Fish! -- There Ain't No Such Thing as Global Warming!

The last two years have been deadly for journalists, with 31 murderedaround the world this year alone, according to the Committee to Protect Journalists. But a report released this past week by Reporters Without Borders documented more than two dozen who had been killed by members of organized crime since the start of 2017, including fatal attacks in Mexico and Europe that underscored the entrenched power of criminal syndicates around the world.  NYT

Journalism students, do not ever hesitate

to buy good life insurance long before you graduate.

 For once you start reporting you're a target for the mob --

and you won't get a tumble from Prudential or Charles Schwab.

And if you have procrastinated, why then I think it best

you take some of your savings and go buy a Kevlar vest. 

******************************

Century-old tuna companies like StarKist Co., Bumble Bee Foods LLC and Chicken of the Sea International are trying to reboot demand for tuna fish—selling it in cans, pouches and kits with trendy flavors or as a healthy snack—as they seek to hold on to their dominance in a shrinking market.    WSJ

I do not like canned tuna, and don't put it in a pouch.

The stuff smells like old cat food that's been sitting on the couch.

Your clever herbs and spices cannot cover up the stink;

whenever I am served some it goes down the kitchen sink.

Albacore or yellowfin, it's all the same to me --

I told my mother long ago it ain't my cup of tea!  

*********************

As President Trump’s rejection of climate science isolates the United States on the world stage, illustrated by the small U.S. delegation dispatched to this week’s United Nations climate summit in Poland, he has also presided over a transformation in the Republican Party — placing climate change skepticism squarely in the GOP’s ideological mainstream.  Washington Post

Republicans treat climate change

as if it came down with the mange.

They call it fake news

or Democrat's ruse --

then head for the nearest golf range.