Today's Timerick.

 

“Fried-Chicken Sandwich Craze Is Causing U.S. to Run Low on Poultry.”  Bloomberg Report.

I went to see my butcher for a chicken wing or two/he told me there weren't any and I didn't know what to do/Even stewing chickens are evaporating fast/If this goes on much longer I don't think that I can last/Fish is too expensive and my doctor says no beef/Pork is getting stale for me; where can I find relief?/Will even eggs be rationed and hen gizzards go extinct?/I'll file a missing fowl report down at my own precinct!/I blame the fast food people -- they have gobbled up supply/leaving me with tofu here at home, which makes me cry/I do not wish to have to buy a chicken sandwich, mate/I do not have a budget that such costs will tolerate/I'm reduced to pork & beans, and maybe buttered toast/Gone the days of chicken soup or tender luscious roast!/I may be forced to join a cult and live off nuts and berries/pecking at the kind of stuff they feed to pet canaries!  

Today's Timericks.

 

Biden has proposed such change/it gives Republicans the mange/New taxes will provide the gelt/to keep the poor from growing svelte/To help the homeless destitute/the rich will wear a birthday suit. 

The pundits say commodities/like diapers and our dear Wheaties/are going up in price until/we're gonna holler 'overkill!'/Even tp now will cost/more than silk that's been embossed/With my savings vaporized/I'll give up being civilized.

There's face masks in the gutter/there's face masks in the trees/they're blowing down the highways/with the springtime breeze/like plastic bags they litter/the landscape near and far/they're even clogging sewers/in far off Zanzibar. 

Ole Anthony Edward.

 

Ole Anthony Edward was born again one day.

Embracing gospel teachings, he gave his things away.

Like whiskey, which he still drank, he liked religion straight,

and sought corrupted preachers to gleefully eviscerate. 

His mission, as he saw it, became a great crusade --

to bring to light the hypocrites who sought financial aid

by preaching on the airwaves and asking for donations --

which they used for prodigal big ol' mansions and vacations.

Investigating bank accounts and digging through the trash

of television preachers he found how they spent the cash

that widows sent in envelopes in hopes of intercession

for their sins and trials (with many a trite confession.)

He aimed the spotlight on the lives of many famous clerics,

showing their hypocrisy and causing them hysterics.

But now his earthly time is done, and he's gone back to God --

I wonder if in heaven he still searches for some fraud?

(From an obituary in the New York Times by Clay Risen.)

Today's Timericks.

 

In China nobody retires/they cannot find any new hires/so elderly staff/do not often laugh/as their pension plan now expires.

The Fed's in cahoots with Wall Street/so rich people get all the meat/The rest of us dine/on leftover brine/ and sorghum with cold Cream of Wheat.

Hamburgers are history/according to most GOP/Biden's conniving/to start us all shriving/confessing we'd rather have brie.

A letter from my President.

 

Today's Timericks.

 

Some people are willing to use toxic bleach/instead of a simple vaccine/People won't listen to reason at all/their sanity seems mighty lean/We're better off rounding the scammers all up/and putting them in quarantine.

Ticks that carry Lyme disease/are at the beach, on bush and trees/You can't escape the little critters/ubiquitous as apple fritters/As if the Covid weren't enough/the outdoors grows more rough and tough!

Climate change has come to France/their vineyards do not stand a chance/the grapes are frozen or dried out/which makes the vintners scream and shout/Wine is going to perdition/It's almost like old Prohibition!

Today's Timericks.

 

When they mess with you online/pouring on raw turpentine/pay a charge that's pretty big/to remove each deadly dig/it's a scam, of course; you see/the same who diss collect your fee.

 Thailand wants its tourists back/cuz the country cash does lack/but the covid virus rules/closing bars and beach and schools/Land of Smiles and durian/you won't catch this Missourian.  

Children shouldn't have to fret/they'll lose their home because of debt/When parents cannot make ends meet/the children now will get cold feet/What a sorry country we/have built upon democracy. 

Today's Timericks.

 

The mushroom is an ugly growth/to eat one raw I am quite loath/Even when organic grown/I let the champignons alone/In a can, and over steak/a bite or two I just might take/But plants that lack all chlorophyll/will never have my whole goodwill. 

Charity begins at home/so do not be a slouch/fill your pockets with spare change/and sit upon my couch.

Putin is a cagey guy/the patience of the world he'll try/but when he gets close to the brink/he has himself another think/and pulls back just enough to brag/he's put no one in body bag.

In Iowa lawmakers say/run down people any day/long as they are demonstrators/(cuz we don't need agitators)/It's getting so a picket sign/puts you on firing line.

Study laughter all you want/It will leave you tart and gaunt/Only madmen have the key/to the world's hilarity/Clowns and comics celebrate/only when they detonate/Academics, please refrain/from picking at the jester's brain!

Today's Timericks.

 

Biden is planning upheaval/of policies now medieval/Electric jalopies/and fields of wild poppies/granting the earth a reprieval.

What do you call some large bowls/of curious deadly black holes?/Such groupings, or worse/in our universe/could maybe be called 'fumaroles.'

Dead soldiers don't care if a stone/carries their name all alone/They've gone to a place/where creed or their race/have long since been all overthrown.

You have the right to record/police action single or horde/When done with your cell/like a bat out of hell/run, though it's all aboveboard.

If you are an outdoors-type Brit/you'll find bathrooms still closed a bit/If you need to go/just bring your own hoe/to compost that nice pile of  . . . 

Bring in the robots to feed/millions who fresh produce need/Old Farmer Brown/can just sit around/and push buttons to plant his seed.

Today's Timericks.

 

By 2050 backers say/insurance rates much hob will play/as global warming inundates/coastal towns and fries farm states/Underwriters all agree/their fees will pass infinity.

In middle age I rarely slept/as a career I madly kept/and now my hair is white and sparse/while sanity I cannot parse/Oh woe is I, senility/begins to creep right up on me/Is it because I banished sleep/that my brain now is cassareep?/How ironic; now I nap/all day long without a gap.

Are paper towels a poison pill/filling up each new landfill?/Or a handy cleanup tool/absorbing every greasy pool?/Either way, can we survive/if and when supplies take five?/Still . . . if you want to save some jack/you're better off with flour sack.