If you're old and homeless

If you're old and homeless there is something you can do
to improve your station and obtain a better view.
Just think a happy thought throughout the day, my hobo friend,
and you will find your homelessness will come right to an end.
For thoughts control our actions, and our actions make things right,
and soon you will not sleep inside a cardboard box each night!
Don't ask for help from others, for they're far too busy now
buying condos and good meals and doing things highbrow.
Pull upon your bootstraps and repent of all your sloth
and you will soon have caviar instead of chicken broth.
Once you face the fact that being homeless is a crime,
you can leave those other bums behind in quick-step time!

The Poor

(Mathew 26:11)

When Jesus proclaimed that the poor

Would be with us forevermore,

Does that justify

The hungry child’s cry

Or having a cardboard décor? 

A journalist's life is so hard

A journalist's life is so hard;
they constantly must be on guard
for lies and deceit,
or better news beat --
no wonder they drink like a bard.

The price of a blowout wedding in 1947? A staggering $2,500

A wedding is not inexpensive;
making the man rather pensive.
He pays to be wed,
then just might be bled
for a divorce that's extensive. 

Baylor Demotes President Kenneth Starr Over Handling of Sex Assault Cases

In college the students aren't stones;
Besides paying off student loans,
they dream about sex
and all its effects.
Even a saint has hormones!    

None of us want tomorrow

"The fact of the matter is none of us want tomorrow . . . "  Jeffrey R. Holland.  

Tomorrow is a looming dread so often, that tis said
the only happy man on earth is one who stays in bed.
But life demands our labor and our sweat, and sometimes pain;
all to pay the mortgages we've struggled so to gain.
And at the end of day we may well say "O what's the use?"
"No matter what I'm doing I am met with but abuse!"
But we don't own tomorrow, and it comes as no surprise
that the Owner of tomorrow is quite loving, kind, and wise.
So leave tomorrow in the hands of One who only strives
to help us find the meaning and the joy of our brief lives.  

Don Rickles

Comics mature awful slowly;
but this one was like the E. coli.
One night was enough
for him to rebuff
your self esteem like a coarse goalie. 

Covenants

Alma 56:8 --   But I would not suffer them that they should break this covenant which they had made, supposing that God would strengthen us, insomuch that we should not suffer more because of the fulfilling the oath which they had taken.

Fulfill your oaths and you will find the strength to carry on,

despite the rumors of great wars or lack of breaking dawn.

A covenant with God creates a bond that angels guard,

especially when life gets dark and dirty and quite hard.

Trust in the Almighty and your faith will not be vain;

His promises are surety for all our grief and pain.

No other master guarantees what God alone can do;

obey Him not for fear, but for the love He bears for you! 

Forbidden wine is very sweet

Alma 55:10 - But Laman said unto them: Let us keep of our wine till we go against the 
Nephites to battle. But this saying only made them more desirous to drink of the wine

Forbidden wine is very sweet, until it's all drunk up.

Then the bitterness of it corrodes the very cup.

Heed the Lamanite's mistake, and never abdicate

your reason for a passion that can hornswoggle your fate.

Balm of Gilead is there, to put you at your ease --

you do not need a spurious cure to bring you to your knees.

No nostrum ever brewed can take the place of simple truth;

the Gospel in and of itself is like the Fount of Youth!  

I'd like to see you, now and then

I'd like to see you, now and then, whenever you're in town;
I'd like to know you think of me as more than just a clown.
A handshake and a hug are not so hard to justify,
when the long years rob me of your presence by and by.
A visit to my humble room, a call upon the phone;
it's hell to have you close at hand and still be all alone.
You're very busy, I am sure, and I'm dull company -- 
But, oh, the joy I'd really feel if you would visit me . . .
I won't be here forever, cuz someday I'll have to leave;
but seeing you in person would be just like a reprieve.
My door is always ready, and my heart stays open, too.
 Must I wait for heaven just to get a glimpse of you?