Police: Man runs from officer then strips, bites tree (with apologies to Joyce Kilmer)

I think that I shall never see
another man go bite a tree.

A tree that did no harm at all,
but waited patiently for fall.

In an alleyway serene
such trees provide a restful scene.

And yet this man, as evil lark,
did grab the tree and chew the bark!

On PCP, and naked, too,
the heavens wept for him -- boo hoo.

Poems are made by fools like me,
but I will never bite a tree.

Hacked emails show extent of foreign government donations to Clinton Foundation

If you are an ambitious nation,

give to the Clinton Foundation.

A Hillary smile

you then will beguile;

advisers you'll get without ration. 

Restaurant Rant

An eatery that's a franchise

always serves soggy french fries;

the wait staff is slow;

yet tips seem to grow;

a package of ramen seems wise.

Take More Pills!

Big Pharma's now getting its thrills
by selling us more and more pills.
An ache or a pain
just means for them gain;
we're on their abusive treadmills.

Century-old grain silos to be razed by University of Minnesota, despite protests

It seems that the old U of M
doesn't have very much phlegm
when razing the sites
of historic highlights;
they don't know the dregs from the gem. 

Blessings on you zany clowns

Blessings on you zany clowns/loving life and hating frowns/corny as this poem may be/my heart is yours, in verity/May your madcap schemes reverse/the folly of our universe!

NFL ratings plunge could spell doom for traditional TV

Football, America’s biggest prime-time powerhouse, has been thrust into a crisis this fall, with dwindling ratings sparking questions over whether it can remain a gold mine for television in an age when more Americans are abandoning traditional TV.

from the Washington Post

King TV has had a long reign

 with always a full gravy train.

But NFL squads

no longer are gods;

the Boob Tube is now on the wane.

I never clean up after meals

 An earlier study by Mintel found millennials are increasingly avoiding cereal because it requires too much effort. Roughly 40 percent of those surveyed said “cereal was an inconvenient breakfast choice because they had to clean up after eating it." As a result, cereal sales have slipped by nearly 30 percent since 2000.

from the Washington Post  

I never clean up after meals
I leave all the cups and the peels
to rot in the sink
while kefir I drink,
then go save a few baby seals. 

The shocking pain of unemployed men

I'm unemployed, without paycheck,
and not very happy, by heck!
I had no syringe
to lessen the twinge:
My boss was a pain in the neck! 

A young girl who lived in Mumbai

Fathers and husbands say phones could lead to sexual promiscuity, or at the very least give women a reputation for moral laxity. They also argue that money is better spent on boys, and that technology, like education, is wasted on women who will eventually be married off to another family.

from the Wall Street Journal

A young girl who lived in Mumbai
wanted a smartphone to try.
Her elders refused;
it would be abused
to order some fresh Spanish fly!