I dream about steak. A lot. About the big slabs we grilled in the backyard when I was a kid. I like to recall eating at chop houses across the country when I traveled with the circus. About Surf and Turf meals that punished my stomach -- but in a good way. So today I decided I would treat myself to a steak for a late lunch. I’ve been writing my circus memoirs all morning, and just got to a painful breakup I had with a beautiful brunette. So now’s a good time for a pleasant, nourishing meal -- Blast all women to blazes!
I’m going to bake the steak. I tire of fried foods, and I don’t own a grill. So I’ll try baking my T-bone and see how bad it turns out. Beef is hard to spoil, I’m thinking. Along with that I’ve got some parsnips I’ll peel and fry in butter -- a dish I made often for my mother during the last two years of her life when she was bedridden. And then I’ve got some cherry tomatoes, which I don’t particularly like anymore (I used to be crazy about them) but I got them for free when I bought a pound of butter yesterday (go figure.) And dessert, more than likely, will be Alka Seltzer. I’ll be drinking a fine Pepsi Crystal Light. One of the more recent vintages.
I’m not exactly sure how long to cook my little T-bone. All the recipes I’ve seen are for three pound monster beef steaks, to cook several hours. No way am I doing that to my delicate little piece of meat. So I’ve put the stove on 375 and will bake it for 45 minutes. I sloshed it all over with Worcestershire Sauce and sliced the rest of the shallots over it before sealing it in tin foil. You can't ever go wrong with Worcestershire Sauce. Not with beef. Now I gotta figure out how long to cook the tomatoes in balsamic vinegar without reducing them to mush, and peel the parsnips. I’d forgotten about that unpleasant chore -- bleck.
So I peeled the parsnips without a hassle (I think it was turnips I was thinking of that are so hard to peel -- or is it beets?) Oh, and I forgot I had cooked bacon in the frypan yesterday, so I’ll use that AND some butter to fry up the parsnips. As always, a little improvisation is what spices things up pleasantly: I dumped the cherry tomatoes in the wok, then saw an old cannister of dried apricots I’ve been getting ready to throw away -- they’re as hard as marble and the grand kids won’t eat ‘em, not even the little ones that are still teething. So I tossed a few of them in with the tomatoes. What can it hurt? Might make an interesting flavor blend. Mmmmmm . . . I start smelling the baking steak, and the Worcestershire Sauce. Splendid! Oh, and just to be on the safe side, I wrapped the steak in my last two pieces of bacon. This is my main meal of the day, folks, so it's gotta be good and nourishing!
The final result
Final results were decent. The parsnips were very fine, making me wish I had cooked many more of them. The tomatoes and apricots were surprisingly in sync, so I’ll save the leftovers (for what exactly is a mystery best left to the morrow.) And the steak . . . well, the steak was okay. Not tough; not stringy; salted just right; and yet, and yet it wasn’t quite the thing. I don’t believe a T-bone was ever meant to endure the indignities of moist surrounding heat. A T-bone needs the sear and spit of the hot grill. So I apologize to the spirit of this particular T-bone; I disrespected you, O great piece of beef, and the next time I have truck with you it will be on a grill and nowhere else.
And now I think I’ll get back to my circus story and make up some more lies about that brunette.
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