In Rio there's so many seats

from the Wall Street Journal:  Olympics spokesman Mario Andrada has blamed the low turnout at events in part on ticketholders getting discouraged by long lines and difficult transportation on the first days of the Games. On the sales front, Brazilians are only recently starting to embrace the Olympics, Andrada said.

In Rio there's so many seats 

as empty as Enron receipts.

The crime and long lines,

and lack of fine wines,

keeps people at home for the heats.

On Lake Mille Lacs

The Governor speaks with forked tongue;
Mille Lacs out to dry has been hung.
The ogaa need peace
so they can increase,
not tourists with fishing line strung! 

The Driverless Car

from the Wall Street Journal:

Ford Motor Co. plans to release a fully driverless car without a steering wheel or pedals in the next five years, the latest salvo in a technological arms race engulfing the global auto industry.

The way that most people now drive,

a 'driverless' car cannot thrive

or make a big mark

unless it can park

parallel with all alive. 

To Frack or Not to Frack?

In Texas they do so much fracking
it sets long horn steers teeth a-clacking.
But will it bring oil
or just blow up soil?
The answer to that is still lacking. 

An audiophile in Japan

An audiophile in Japan
had a most ingenious plan;
his speakers he powered
until neighbors cowered -- 
and blew himself straight to Bhutan. 

Democrats Brace for More Leaks From Hackers

from the Wall Street Journal:

WASHINGTON—Two websites created in recent months and whose operators are believed to have ties to the Russian government now serve as portals for leaking sensitive and at times embarrassing information about the Democratic Party and its supporters.

If you are a staunch Democrat

you soon will be hors de combat.

Your emails are hacked

and you will be sacked

for any improper chitchat.  

The Blockbuster

from the Wall Street Journal:

Searching for the next blockbuster hit that could stand out in a saturated, winner-take all media landscape, studios have packed this year’s release calendar with sequels, reboots and superhero adaptations. Most have fallen short of their backers’ big ambitions.

The more cash they put in a flick,

the more it will sink like a brick.

The public now dreads

these rancid retreads,

and pays for Hulu by the click. 

Festinord

There was a young Mormon, a Swede,
who hoped that he soon would succeed
in finding a bride
in Festinord's tide;
for otherwise he could not breed. 

Have you considered the versatile dandelion as part of your emergency preparedness?

Dandelions are the bane of many gardeners’ existence. But if you think this is going to be a column about how to get rid of them; think again. Because dandelions are quite useful. Even in an emergency.

Hikingware.com encourages you to think about having a supply of dandelions on hand in case of a disaster. They are edible . . . and, as dandelion wine, even drinkable! (But always drink in moderation, especially during an emergency!)

In the spring they provide one of the most abundant early sources of pollen for honeybees, ladybugs and many other beneficial insects beginning to lay their eggs. The pollen provides a much needed source of protein to feed new larvae. Honeybees are very happy with acres of early dandelions. And honey from hives or from the wild is an excellent all-around food for children and adults. 

The lowly dandelion has been used as a food and medicinal plant for millennia. The word itself comes from the Greek, then French “dent de lion” or lion’s tooth for its deeply lobed green leaves. Young dandelion leaves can be served in a salad mix while the flower bud can be fried in butter and end up tasting like mushrooms. The dried root makes a reasonable coffee substitute.

There are even culinary dandelion varieties available in a few seed catalogs that can be grown in a vegetable garden, producing larger leaves than those found in your lawn. If you pick the leaves, do it before the plant goes to flower, as they become bitter.

Dandelions can be made into wine and beer. For wine, you will need a quart of fresh, unsprayed, well-washed flowers. Pour a gallon of boiling water over them and let stand for four minutes. Remove the flowers and cool to 90 degrees before adding yeast, sugar and sliced lemons and limes. Place in a fermenter. The wine will be ready in about three weeks. It can be a valuable item of barter for you if regular sources of income are unavailable after a disaster or emergency. But please remember you have to either barter it for something or else give it away. DON'T try to sell it for cash -- that becomes a Federal offense.

Lastly, dandelions have many medicinal uses. According to the University of Maryland Medical Center, dandelion plants were boiled by Native Americans and then used to treat a variety of illnesses including kidney disease, swelling, skin problems, heartburn and upset stomach. The Chinese used it in traditional medicine to treat stomach issues, appendicitis and inflammation and lack of milk flow in breasts. Europeans used it to treat fever, boils, eye problems, diabetes, and diarrhea. 

So, if you have an unused patch of poor ground, why not try a dandelion patch? As anyone with a lawn knows, they're nearly impossible to kill and will reseed themselves at the drop of a hat. Or you can pick them in the wild, since they're everywhere. 

The Mattress

Inventing the mattress sure ranks
as blessing for which we give thanks.
A hammock's okay,
but it makes your back pay.
And who wants to sleep on bare planks?