Saturday, July 1, 2017

Headlines & Verse. Saturday. July 1. 2017.

NEW JERSEY BUDGET BATTLE CLOSES STATE PARKS AND BEACHES FOR THE HOLIDAY.

Don’t travel to New Jersey for your weekend holiday.

The state is without budget, so you’ll find no place to play.

The parks are closed just like a clam; the beaches, too, are shuttered.

The Governor won’t pay their bills, no matter how he’s buttered.

Of course all the casinos will be open for your trade --

So you can lose your shirt and have your mortgages parlayed.

LOS ANGELES PROPERTY VALUES ARE EXTERMINATING SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS

A bizness that’s run in LA

Hasn’t much chance now to stay.

Those mom and pop shops

Are hit in the chops --

While highrises chase them away.

FRENCH PRESIDENT REFUSES TO TALK TO MEDIA -- CLAIMS THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND HIM

Reporters in France have no clue

What Monsieur Macron will do --

His thoughts are so deep

That he has to keep

Them locked up like snakes in a zoo.

IOWA STARTS SHIPPING THEIR FAMOUS SWEET CORN TO THE REST OF THE COUNTRY FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY STARTING THIS MONDAY

It ain’t a decent picnic on our Independence Day

Without a cob of corn or two from down in Ioway.

With butter melted over it and salted down as well,

It’s nothing but ambrosia to palate and to smell.

I can eat a dozen without blinking, yes sirree,

While shooting off a cherry bomb in thanks for Liberty.

You folks down there in Ioway, please keep up the good work --

Without your ears of sweet corn I do think I’d go beserk!

CHINESE PRESIDENT XI JINPING TELLS HONG KONG RESIDENTS -- 'YOU BELONG TO BEIJING NOW; SO SAY GOOD-BYE TO FREE SPEECH!'

Obtaining Hong Kong with some cant,

The Chinese are now on a rant.

They’ve told all the world

That tongues should be furled --

It’s jail for so much as a chant.

Friday, June 30, 2017

A Homophone Rerun from the Summer of 2014: Nomen Global.

Sitting on a park bench on Center Street in Provo by the City Center yesterday, I watched as Clarke Woodger made his way across the street to go into City Hall. I hadn't seen him since he fired me back in July of 2014 over a misunderstanding about the word 'homophone.' I nodded at him; he nodded at me, and said "Hot out today, isn't it?" To which I replied: "Sure is." Then he was gone into the bowels of City Hall.

For those of you who never heard the tale of the consequences of my firing, let me rerun the Salt Lake Tribune article that Paul Rolly did on my predicament. Just for nostalgic laughs, you understand:

Paul Rolly: Blogger fired from language school over 'homophonia'

Homophones, as any English grammarian can tell you, are words that sound the same but have different meanings and often different spellings — such as be and bee, through and threw, which and witch, their and there.

This concept is taught early on to foreign students learning English because it can be confusing to someone whose native language does not have that feature.

But when the social-media specialist for a private Provo-based English language learning center wrote a blog explaining homophones, he was let go for creating the perception that the school promoted a gay agenda.

Tim Torkildson says after he wrote the blog on the website of his employer, Nomen Global Language Center, his boss and Nomen owner Clarke Woodger, called him into his office and told him he was fired.

As Torkildson tells it, Woodger said he could not trust him and that the blog about homophones was the last straw.

"Now our school is going to be associated with homosexuality," Woodger complained, according to Torkildson, who posted the exchange on his Facebook page.

Torkildson says he was careful to write a straightforward explanation of homophones. He knew the "homo" part of the word could be politically charged, but he thought the explanation of that quirky part of the English language would be educational.

Nomen has removed that blog from its website, but a similar explanation of homophones was posted there in 2011 with apparently no controversy.

Woodger says his reaction to Torkildson's blog has nothing to do with homosexuality but that Torkildson had caused him concern because he would "go off on tangents" in his blogs that would be confusing and sometimes could be considered offensive.

Nomen is Utah's largest private English as a Second Language school and caters mostly to foreign students seeking admission to U.S. colleges and universities. Woodger says his school has taught 6,500 students from 58 countries during the past 15 years. Most of them, he says, are at basic levels of English and are not ready for the more complicated concepts such as homophones.

"People at this level of English," Woodger says, " … may see the 'homo' side and think it has something to do with gay sex."

He says Torkildson had worked at the center for less than three months before he was terminated in mid-July.

Interestingly, he was hired on April Fools' Day.

—

Headlines & Verse. Friday. June 30. 2017

ATHENS AWASH IN GARBAGE AS INFRASTRUCTURE CRUMBLES

In Athens the tourists wear masks

As garbage leaks out of large casks --

The Parthenon reeks

While many fine Greeks

In history pompously basks.

FEDERAL RESERVE TELLS AMERICANS 'YOU CAN TRUST YOUR BANKER'. (AND THERE'S A BRIDGE IN BROOKLYN THEY'D LIKE TO SELL YOU, TOO.)

The Fed says our banks have good health,

Are safe for the storing of weath.

What they overlook

Is that the poor schnook

Who trusts them grows poorer by stealth.

COLORADO TOWN SOLVES PROBLEM OF ATTRACTING TOURISTS: THEY PUT OUTHOUSES ON WHEELS AND RACE THEM.

A town in the Rockies agreed

They needed more tourists to breed.

They thought that appeals

with toilets on wheels

Would bring ‘em in with greater speed.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Focus

“We need to put aside our cell phones and ponder about Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God.”

M. Russell Ballard

A baby has a rattle that distracts it constantly.

A child will watch the TV set until it cannot see.

A teenager rides in a car until the wheels wear out.

Adults are on their cell phones like its water in a drought.

Distractions vary in their size and shape, and what they do --

But all of them are hurtful if they blur our Christian view.

Our Living God has sent His Son to save us from the pit --

This only should consume us as we stand, or run, or sit.

Headlines & Verse. Thursday. June 29. 2017

HAS THE 'ROBOCALYPSE' ARRIVED? INTERNATIONAL BANKERS PONDER THE SPECTRE OF MILLIONS LEFT UNEMPLOYED BY AI AND AUTOMATION

Computers are able to learn,

Which makes my blue collar to burn.

My skills as a clerk

Are not worth a jerk --

I can’t even sympathy earn . . .

RARE MINNESOTA BUTTERFLY IS MAKING A COMEBACK -- WHICH IS MORE THAN WE CAN SAY FOR SOME PRESIDENTS WE COULD NAME

When butterflies start to get rare,

You know something’s wrong with the air.

Or else all the weeds --

Like those ancient Medes --

Have vanished from history’s glare

WILL DENVER BANKS CAPITULATE TO MARIJUANA MONEY? DO BUZZARDS HAVE HALITOSIS?

Do money and cannabis mix?

Seems like there might be some tricks

To faithfully cope

When you’re full of dope

And want nothing but bowls of Trix.

GUN ADDLED MINNESOTA COUPLE COMMIT DEADLY YOUTUBE STUNT. NO CUTE KITTENS HERE . . .

A book as a bullet proof vest

Is not an idea at its best.

No matter the theme

A bullet will ream

A sizable hole in your chest

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

To Praise the Lord

And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

From the Book of Ether

Bringing light to darkness, quenching all our thirst,

Offering salvation -- we ought to praise God first.

Hold off on all the questions, delay our anguished pleas --

Accept His loving kindness on humble bended knees.

The heart was made for praising, the tongue should wag with joy --

Our curdled thoughts are enemas with care we should employ.

The mountains sing for gladness, though we choose not to hear;

The birds a festive chorus are ever bringing near.

The next time I start kneeling, with any kind of doubt,

O Lord make me a mute until with joy I learn to shout!

Headlines & Verse. Wednesday. June 28. 2017

EPA TO ROLL BACK CLEAN WATER REGULATIONS. AMERICANS SHOULD DRINK MORE BEER ANYWAYS.

The EPA has turned its back

On keeping clean water on track.

Bureaucrat Pruitt

Says he won’t do it --

Replying “Let them drink cognac!”

TEN COMMANDMENTS MONUMENT GOES UP ON CAPITOL GROUNDS IN LITTLE ROCK: ATHEISTS SWEAR TO GOD THEY'LL HAVE IT REMOVED

In Little Rock God has his say,

Chiseled in granite to stay.

Lip service is fine,

But who can align

With all Ten Commandments each day?

RETIRING HOUSE MEMBER CHAFFETZ SAYS WASHINGTON HOUSING TOO EXPENSIVE FOR FRUGAL MEMBERS OF CONGRESS (HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT TRAILER PARKS, JASON?)

Some Lawmakers don’t have a clue

That when their high rent has come due,

That they ought to yearn

Back home to return --

And STAY there until the moon’s blue.

MONTANA CONGRESSMAN DISCOVERS SECRET TO COLLECTING MASSIVE DONATIONS -- BEAT UP A REPORTER

If you want donations to peak,

Just smack some reporters each week.

Your voters will think

Reporters must stink --

And you’ll be as rich as a sheikh!

ALL THAT DENTAL WORK PAID OFF -- PRESIDENT IS WOWED BY IRISH REPORTER'S SMILE

There was a young writer named Perry

Whose twinkling smile was quite merry.

She charmed that old grump

We call Donald Trump --

Such influence just might be scary . . .

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Photo Essay: A Short Visit with Grand Children and some Durian

They arrived at 5:30 -- they were supposed to come visit me at 3. We were going to rearrange my pantry, work on a jigsaw puzzle, have hot dogs and beans for dinner, and then sample some Durian fruit I bought at the corner Asian Market. Three pieces of it cost me $11.50. But, like I say, they came at 5:30, and had to leave for a softball game at 6. Sarah's only explanation was: "Things got a little crazy, sorry." And you know what -- that's completely okay. Because I remember when she was my little girl,with a bunch of other little hellions, and being on time for anything was a distant ideal -- sort of like Camelot. So I fed 'em hot dogs and beans and I tasted the Durian in front of them out on the patio -- I bought the darn thing for grand son Ohen, cuz he heard me talking about it and begged me to get some for him to try. But one whiff and he refused to even look at it. The twerp. Then it was time for them to go. Here's a few of the photos I managed to snap, in-between serving them their supper and keeping them out of the jigsaw puzzle. This is family on the run. And it's still better than anything else in my world except maybe sex, and anchovy pizza . . .

Ah yes, gather round the goodie jar my little chickadees. I stock it with balloons, candy bars, packets of raisins, and bubble gum

My daughter is a texting addict, like all her generation. The only reason I forgive her for it is because she likes my stove top beans and puts lots of sauerkraut on her hot dog -- what a woman!

Grand daughter Brooke is all -- "What? Didn't we just get here? Why am I back in my #%**@* car seat again?"

After I told grand son Ohen the possibly apocryphal story of how pink lemonade was invented at the circus, he decided not to have anymore.

Grand son Lance gets this Jack Nicholson "The Shining" look sometimes -- I think he bears watching very closely . . .

Ohen is already practicing his "Whatever!" face for when he becomes a teenager

I kinda thought I would take all night to create this photo essay, but it's only 6:35. I was hoping the kids would stay longer. I bought three boxes of TNT Pop Its for them to play with in the alley. I really don't know what to do with myself tonight. I don't want to work on the stupid jigsaw by myself. I tell myself I'm not sad about their so very short visit. I'll see them again soon -- I hope. But it's hard to know when, when I no longer have a car. But it's okay -- there's no resentment on my part. I gave Sarah the rest of the Durian to feed to her gonzo gourmet husband Jonny -- I swathed it in plastic wrap and then sealed it in a Glad freezer bag, assuring her it will not stink up her van.

It's going to stink up her van . . .