Headlines & Verse. Thursday. July 28. 2017

NEW SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH SHOWS THAT BEING HAPPY MEANS HAVING MONEY TO PAY PEOPLE TO DO THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU UNHAPPY. DUH. 

My happiness is paramount -- I’ll do whate’er it takes

To sidestep all unpleasantness and everyday headaches.

For happiness is all that counts, when once the day is o’er --

To go to bed full knowing that I’ve evened up the score

With those who say I must work hard and rise before the birds --

Those know-it-alls who think to scare me with their idle words.

I’ll hire maids and butlers and go out to eat and drink,

And when my wallet starts to wheeze and visibly to shrink

I’ll have to pen some IOU’s with my high-priced Montblanc

And then go out with mask and bag to rob the nearest bank.

ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI USES POTTY MOUTH TO SHOW WHO'S BOSS -- NANNY NANNY BOO BOO!

The White House is counting on Andy

To mince not a word, but be randy

With a reporter,

Giving no quarter --

He’s either deranged or on brandy.

SCIENTISTS ADVISE CAUTION WHEN LOOKING DIRECTLY AT THE SUN -- EXCEPT DURING THE UPCOMING ECLIPSE. ANOTHER DUH.

Don’t look at the sun, people say --

Or else it might just ruin your day.

Even eclipses

Make your eyes dripses --

And that ends your life in croquet.

The New York Times Mail Art Project. Part Nine. The Truth.

Art is never true. How can it be, when it is subject to the follies and obsessive passions of an artist? Reporters, on the other hand -- if they are not the paid toadies of a patron or enslaved servants of a tyrant -- are always looking for the truth behind the screen of public and private events. So who is more to be trusted to find the truth -- the artist or the journalist? Perhaps the question should rather be -- who is more to be pitied, the artist or the reporter? 
These mail art pieces answer none of those questions. They are like having radishes for breakfast -- the results are either questionable or indigestible. 

The New York Times Mail Art Project. Part Eight.

The National Magazine Subscription Service estimates there are at least 40 million old magazines lying around in offices and stored away for no good purpose in basements and attics here in the United States. They not only constitute a fire hazard, but also the potential to fuel a collage Renaissance that would keep America preoccupied until the Trump administration implodes.
And so the infamous New York Times Mail Art Project -- an enterprise that seemingly has no beginning and no foreseeable end -- turns to magazine scraps. It could prove to be the only way to avoid madness. 

Caitlin emailed a one word response to her piece:  "Cool!" 

Circus Mail Art. Continued

Submissions keep pouring in for the "What I Saw At The Circus" mail art project I started in June of this year. The history of the circus, of course, is largely made up of 'artistic' depictions of lithographic oddities and garish boasts. The entries, so far, have been interesting -- if strongly esoteric. Just what do modern artists think of when they think of the circus? As the following examples demonstrate, it's not always about clowns and elephants . . . 

I am accepting submissions for "What I Saw at the Circus" until the end of December. So if you'd like to contribute, please send your mail art piece to:
Tim Torkildson
c/o The Provo Museum of Mail Art
PCHA Bldg
650 W  100 N  #115
Provo  Utah  84601

Headlines & Verse. Thursday. July 27. 2017.

TRUMP ADMIN ANNOUNCES: NO CIVIL RIGHTS FOR GAYS

The current Admin wants to say

You’re screwed if you choose to be gay.

Protection of rights,

Like birds in their flights,

Changes most ev’ry which way.

FINNS LIKE TO PLAY SOCCER IN THE MUD AND POLITICS ON A CLEAN PLAYING FIELD -- HOW CRAZY IS THAT?

In Finland there’s nothing but swamp,

On which it is hard for to stomp.

A soccer game there

Brings such wear and tear

That sports loses much of its pomp.

BANKS PLAY FAST AND LOOSE WITH INTEREST RATES

When banks jury rig in’trest rates,

Investors are left to their fates.

The small biznessman

Is left in the can --

And pensions are in dire straits.

NEW STUDY FINDS THAT CURSING HELPS RELIVE STRESS, TO WHICH WE ADD -- WHAT THE HELL?

Bad words are a sign of a fault

That is not excused by gestalt.

Although I admit

I often say “shit”

Whenever I spill table salt.

Headlines & Verse. Wednesday. July 26. 2017

PENTAGON SAYS HAWAII NOW WITHIN RANGE OF NORTH KOREAN MISSILES

It’s nice to know missiles can strike

Anyone taking a hike

Across the blue shore

Of Maui -- what’s more,

They’ll make the place like the Klondike.

TRUMP TELLS ANNUAL BOY SCOUT JAMBOREE: IT'S ALL ABOUT ME

Even the Boy Scouts are prone

To self-serving talks from the Throne --

Tradition be hanged,

If drums can be banged,

Then Trump will be beating his own.

EXPERTS PREDICT THE DEMISE OF DIESEL FUELED VEHICLES

When diesel is no longer cool,

We go back to fuels more old school --

Like cheap kerosene

Or noxious benzene --

Man and his cars make a fool.

IN CALIFORNIA THE COWS CAN GIVE MILK, BUT NOT METHANE

In Fresno they think cap and trade

Will come to the atmosphere’s aid.

There’ll be no more sprint

Of carbon footprint --

while scofflaws go to the stockade!

PHILIPPINE PRESIDENT DUTERTE THREATENS TO BOMB SCHOOLS THAT DON'T TOE THE LINE

There was an old grouch named Duterte

Who thought it so pleasant to oft say

He’d shoot and he’d bomb

Any school without qualm

That didn’t belong to his par-tay.

SWEDISH GOVERNMENT ROCKED BY MAJOR PRIVATE DATA LEAK THAT COULD HAVE BEEN EASILY PREVENTED

In Stockholm they’re all saying “oops”

We gave away huge info groups --

But don’t vote us out;

We’ll starve without clout --

Cuz no one else wants nincompoops.

The Wisdom of the World

Behold the world and the wisdom thereof;

The world is full of wisdom, of a kind that bringeth death.

The world and all its minions cannot stand before God’s breath.

The clerics and the soldiers and the kings upon their thrones

Do nothing to protect the world when painfully she groans.

The clashing of the ignorant, like waves upon the shore,

Goes on without effect or relevance forevermore.

Those who take but little heed of what the world may say

Are those who truly are the wise when comes the Judgement Day.

The New York Times Mail Art Project. Part Six.

I am working in poster paints today, which may have been a gaffe. The Wasatch Front is covered in clouds and mist today, so the humidity left my mail art pieces flaccid and soggy for most of the day. Then again, I was using the really cheap RoseArt Brand -- the kind you find stocked in the School Supplies aisle at Fresh Market Foods.

Be that as it may, I didn't even bother getting a brush to use with my poster paint. I figured I'd go for the old finger painting look -- something both childish and amateurish. And since I was doing the American flag, it kinda felt just right -- a deliberate reflection of the current Administration.

When notified by email of his participation in this project, he shot back this query: um okay, what do I do with it?

Mr. Palazollo responded via email:  "I'm honored! I will look out for my parcel. And once it arrives, I will gaze upon your art and reflect on the messiness of this era."