dull red on dirt gray
clinging to the sleeping branch
a neglected feast
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Ledes & Limericks. Wednesday February 14 2018
It seems that a Jekyll and Hyde
In writers can often reside.
In public so sweet;
But then when they tweet
They’re courting career suicide.
Inside the Bribery Scandal Sweeping
Through the Oil Industry
To do any bizness today
The payola game you must play.
All government clerks
Are basically jerks,
With scruples as rigid as hay.
Come for the Herring,
Stay for the Chitchat:
An Unlikely Haven for the Aged
from the NYTimes
Eating a plate of raw herring
seems like the height of great daring.
But pickled or creamed,
It’s what I have dreamed
Of eating oft (and sometimes wearing.)
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Masse musculaire solide croissante avec HGH
Une tendance populaire parmi les bodybuilders cette année est l'utilisation de l'hormone de croissance humaine (abrégée habituellement en HGH) pour une augmentation sûre et lisse de la masse musculaire. Beaucoup d'athlètes sont déjà dans l'utilisation de ce nouveau médicament miracle, mais beaucoup d'autres sont encore incertains de son utilité réelle et peut-être un peu prudent sur les effets secondaires. Voici un aperçu de certains faits, par rapport aux contes de fées.
Qu'est-ce que HGH?
Les athlètes et les culturistes savent que l'exercice et le régime alimentaire, bien qu'efficaces, sont également limités quant à la mesure dans laquelle ils peuvent amener le corps masculin ou féminin vers la quête de la perfection. Pour atteindre un potentiel optimal, le corps humain peut toujours bénéficier de l'utilisation de HGH. Ces composés se trouvent naturellement dans la glande pituitaire humaine. Quand il y a un approvisionnement suffisant de HGH, les cellules dans le corps sont capables de grandir et de se régénérer à un rythme incroyable. Mais quand le corps humain est placé sous le stress d'un régime extrême et d'un régime d'exercice, la glande pituitaire peut ne pas être en mesure de suivre les exigences du corps. HGH aide également à retenir et augmenter à la fois la densité osseuse et la masse musculaire.
Maintenant, l'hypophyse ne peut sécréter autant de HGH dans la circulation sanguine à la fois, et il a une fenêtre d'efficacité très limitée après son entrée dans le foie, où la plus grande partie est transformée en IGF-1, une hormone de croissance qui contrôle la densité musculaire. HGH n'a pas été synthétisé avant le début des années 1980 - avant cette époque, les techniciens médicaux l'ont enlevé au cours des autopsies.
Le corps humain crée seulement autant de HGH au cours d'une vie, et seulement pendant certains âges. Les jeunes adultes produisent la plus grande partie de l'hormone de croissance qu'ils auront jusqu'à l'âge de 25 ans, puis elle diminue rapidement. Les femmes enceintes éprouvent également des niveaux élevés de HGH pour aider leur foetus à se développer correctement.
Pour ceux qui ont l'intention de commencer des entraînements intenses, ou qui sont déjà engagés dans de telles activités et veulent savoir s'ils ont une carence en HGH, il y a un simple test sanguin qui peut être fait pour indiquer combien d'injections de HGH aideraient à construire et à retenir masse musculaire et moelle osseuse. Il y a relativement peu d'effets secondaires à la thérapie de HGH - ils incluent une légère augmentation de la glycémie et une certaine rétention d'eau. Mais la plupart des gens trouvent que les injections ne produisent absolument aucun effet secondaire.
Et il y a un autre avantage à l'utilisation de HGH. Il a été démontré cliniquement que ces hormones de croissance vitales jouent un rôle important dans le retardement de l'apparition de nombreuses maladies dégénératives chez les adultes vieillissants. Les fonctions cognitives sont préservées, même améliorées, avec l'utilisation de HGH. Il améliore également la libido chez les personnes âgées, ce qui peut faire une relation très heureuse et intime, même si les années prennent leur péage.
D'autre part, une carence en HGH conduit souvent à une mauvaise image de soi en raison du gain de poids, de la rétention d'eau et de l'incapacité de se concentrer pendant de longues périodes de temps. Donc, ce ne sont pas seulement les culturistes et les athlètes qui devraient se pencher sur l'utilisation de suppléments de HGH, mais tous ceux qui sont préoccupés par leur santé globale.
Ledes & Limericks. Tuesday March 13 2018
A Malaysian newspaper published
a how-to-spot-gays checklist, sparking
fears of a witch hunt from the Washington Post
a how-to-spot-gays checklist, sparking
fears of a witch hunt from the Washington Post
A Butterworth man who is gay
Found in his paper one day
A jim dandy guide
To help him decide
The stereotypes he must play.
MEXICO’S SURPRISING MALL BOOM IS LURING U.S. DEVELOPERS
I think that I shall never see/ another mall in my country.
So to buy my next trousseau/I’ll have to go to Mexico!
Chicken Wings, Somehow, Have Become a
Valentine’s Day Staple
I bought my sweet a chicken wing to show my love was boss.
She nibbled on it tenderly, despite the dripping sauce.
With bleu cheese and some carrot sticks, she pledged her troth to me.
To cut the grease we drank a Dr. Pepper lovingly.
And now as down the aisle we tread amidst the organ notes,
I notice fry sauce stains upon so many of the coats.
Once outside the chapel we must bow our heads so low,
As friends and fam’ly throw at us hot wings from Buffalo!
Employers who don’t offer paid sick leave
are making flu season worse and
hurting their own bottom line from the Washington Post
There once was a boss who refused
To have his sick workers excused
When they got the flu --
And now just guess who
Went home with his sinuses fused?
A Letter from my Missionary Daughter in San Clemente, California.
Hello everyone!!
This week I've learned a lot about how much God values every single person on this earth. I had a few days where I felt pretty inadequate as a missionary, because you have so many people that you're responsible for and a wide area to cover and lots of things to remember to do. I was feeling stressed and I was trying to have a better attitude about life but I just couldn't seem to get out of the slump I was in. I was talking to another missionary who is about to go back home, and I asked her what would be her departing advice. She said that she would tell everyone that they are enough. Enough for the world, enough for their family, enough for ourselves, enough for the Lord. It humbled me so much to be reminded just how precious we are to our Heavenly Father. He knows us individually by name and what we want. He sees how hard we are working to be better, and He rewards us. But sometimes when our focus is only on the negative, we can't see the positive side of things or the blessings that He gives us every day. He has given each of us unique talents and abilities, and it's up to us to use them for good, to help and serve others. I know that when we do that, we are blessed with so much more than we think we give. I am so privileged to be a missionary, to be able to tell people about how Jesus Christ brings us peace and joy, knowing that He suffered all that we have suffered, and more. It helps us have someone to turn to who truly does know how we feel, and can help us get better. I've been supported so much this week by my companion, other missionaries, you guys, and especially Jesus Christ. I will forever be grateful for His sacrifice. If you ever feel like there's no one that knows what you're going through, know that Christ does and he's willing to get you through it. Just take the first step and ask :)
In the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 1:20 it says that "the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."
Faith works wonders!
Okay, my time has run out to write more, but I want each of you to know that I love you and that you are "enough" for me, for your families, for the world, and especially for God :)
I hope you all have the best week ever!
Until next time,
Sister Torkildson
Remembering a Kiss in Hawaii
As a teenage convert to the LDS Church, and as a professional circus clown, I was often troubled by a scriptural admonition found in Doctrine & Covenants, Section 88, verse 121: “Therefore, cease from all your light speeches, from all laughter, from all your lustful desires, from all your pride and light-mindedness, and from all your wicked doings.”
To this day I have to watch my tongue in Sunday School class, lest I hijack the discussion to go into a stand up routine about peculiar LDS doctrines like the history of polygamy, where to find ziff, or what exactly is a curelom?
When I decided to give up my circus career to serve two years as an LDS missionary, I figured my struggle with the dangers of merrymaking were over. But one of the first letters I received from Thailand, my proselytizing assignment, was from the Mission President, Paul Morris, requesting me to bring my Ringling clown equipment with me to Thailand.
Gulp. Out of the frying pan into the fire . . .
However, before I got to Thailand I would spend two months in Laie, Hawaii, at the BYU-Hawaii Campus, to learn the ins and outs of the Thai language. So that’s where I and my clown trunk landed in the winter of 1975. There were twelve of us Elders, called to serve at our own expense for 24 months in the Kingdom of Thailand. We bunked with all the other young Elders called to preach in Japan, Hong Kong, the Philippines, and other Pacific Rim destinations.
The media often portray LDS missionaries as dewy-eyed regimented zombies, programmed to spew out the party line and nothing else. But I found my colleagues to be a group of boisterous, almost rowdy, young men bent on playing touch football whenever possible, and longing painfully to strike up a conversation with one of the beautiful Polynesian girl students who seemed to loiter on campus under every palm tree. But such fraternizing was strictly verboten. Lusty young men we might be, with all the hormonal urges of the common male animal, but our time and our thoughts were consecrated solely to learning how to say “Can we come in to tell you about the Book of Mormon” in Thai or Japanese or Tagalog. Nothing else.
Having been around the Ringling showgirls for two seasons, I found myself proof against the wiles of sarong and languorous tropical smile. Besides, my mind was much taken up with a troubling request from the head of our Language Training Center. President Rose had brown curly hair, a permanent peeling sunburn, and the exact same beaky nose as Louis Calhern the movie actor; he asked me the first week I arrived to do a clown show for all the Elders. Just a little diversion from the constant struggles with learning a foreign language, as he put it. I put on a brave face and almost gave an open hand salute as I replied that I would be happy to do so after a few days of preparation and rehearsal.
So there it was -- I would have to face down my inborn desire to make a mock of everything both sacred and profane to find a middle path to entertain nearly 300 LDS missionaries.
I lost a lot of sleep over this conundrum, until, one night, tossing and turning in my sweaty bunk, I grew suddenly weary of struggling with such an eschatological can of worms. I’d do my old tried and true clown routines and let the chips and laughs fall where they may. Then I fell into a deep and blissful sleep, snoring like a buzzsaw (my bunkmates complained the next morning.)
Not only did all the missionaries come to my performance at the campus auditorium that Saturday night, but word had spread among the student body, and I found an additional crowd of graceful young men and women standing in the back, reeking of patchouli and coconut suntan lotion, eagerly awaiting my act.
Part of my clown routine, unabashedly stolen from the great Harpo Marx, was to single out one of the prettiest girls in the audience and repeatedly make ridiculous passes at her during my show. I’d offer her a feather bouquet, a box of half eaten chocolates, fashion a pink balloon poodle for her, and eventually work up the courage to pucker my lips in outrageous fashion in expectation of a tremendous smooch. This always reduced my victim to helpless giggles, at which point I would feign intense irritation, hit her with my rubber chicken, and trundle myself back on stage to continue my tomfoolery.
The lovely lady I chose that night was a voluptuous product of the Islands indeed. Even without my glasses (I never wear them when performing) I could tell she had broken many an LDS heart already. She played along as expected, giggling and blushing, until I approached her towards the end of the show for my impossible kiss. Instead of backing away screaming with laughter, she lept at me -- me, a chaste young Mormon missionary! -- and planted a passionate kiss that made my lips tingle as if I’d spread horseradish on them. And boy, did she smear my makeup!
The crowd of Elders roared in delight at my discomfiture, as did President Rose and his family. I was the one who had to back away and then run off stage. When I came back to acknowledge the standing ovation, that same bold beauty was delegated to come up to put some lei garlands around my neck. She stacked about a dozen of ‘em on me, until I couldn’t see anything but hibiscus petals. I stumbled off and the chuckling crowd dispersed back to missionary barracks or student housing.
As I removed the clown white that evening I had visions of that singularly gorgeous and cheeky young lady and I getting married in the Temple after I had served my two years in Thailand. But alas -- I never learned her name, never saw her again, and today, as I write this on a cold winter morning sitting in my recliner with a quilt over my lap, I begin to doubt that it ever really happened. It is just an old man’s dream. Like so much else that seems completely outrageous and pleasant from my past.
Monday, February 12, 2018
NASA should be self supporting -- like the USPS
I’d like to buy a satellite to speed around the globe
To find some nudie beaches that I then would gladly probe.
Or maybe get a condo on the Moon for holidays,
When gravity has got me down from too much mayonnaise.
If Uncle Sam is offering the heavens for a price,
I’ll be the first in line to get an elevated slice.
And if the Martians try to muscle in with rocket ships,
We’ll blast ‘em into atoms (or at least vermillion chips.)
Commercializing Space is just a common sense design;
Billboards on the Milky Way would really be divine.
Sign me up to tour the rings of Saturn any day;
As long as there’s a Motel Six where I can cheaply stay!
The Inside Home Gardener
It started with some seedlings on the kitchen counter, but
Then I thought twould be so nice to have fresh coconut --
And so I potted palms along the hallways here and there.
Then trellised all the bedrooms for a luscious Anjou pear.
The bathroom is just right for cauliflower and some leeks.
I’ve mulched the basement so that collard greens will grow for weeks.
The Brussels sprouts are lovely in the living room this year.
The hops inside the closets will make gallons of craft beer!
I hardly go out shopping now that I can cultivate
The freshest herbs and veggies right inside my own estate.
Of course the wife has left and venus flytraps ate the kids,
But what care I so long as I can spray those darn aphids!
Ledes & Limericks. Monday February 12 2018
So Far, the Stock Market Looks More Like
1998 Than 2007
Predicting the stock market is
Something that even a whiz
Cannot do too well,
And so I would smell
A rat when I’m promised a fizz.
Who’s at the Door? College Officials Delivering
Your Acceptance in Person
(Sometimes With a Dog)
A brilliant young student received
A letter from college all sleeved
In gold parchment, plus
Her own mini-bus
Because of the score she achieved.
But not just the New York Times, American journalism in general loves
to think of itself as an obstacle or balance to the power of the
ruling elite. The fact, alas, is that it is integral to that ruling elite.
to think of itself as an obstacle or balance to the power of the
ruling elite. The fact, alas, is that it is integral to that ruling elite.
From Al Jazeera
I KNEW reporters, in cahoots with ev’ry crooked pol,
Were whitewashing the news for us with such amazing gall!
‘Fake news,’ forsooth! I bet that stuff is actually true,
While suborned journos wrap themselves in red and white and blue!
I’m stopping my subscriptions -- it’s talk radio for me;
That’s the place to find out what’s gone wrong with our country!
Sunday, February 11, 2018
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