From the Wall Street Journal. Tuesday March 27 2018.

Guests on “Hot Ones” regularly freak out—and give candid interviews
to audiences in the millions. On the program, which posts a new episode
online every Thursday morning, host Sean Evans asks celebrities about
their careers while together they eat 10 progressively spicier chicken
wings. Episodes run around 22 minutes.

Cain slew Abel not because he hated godly things,

But because poor Abel wouldn’t share his chicken wings.

The Flood that Noah circumvented on his wooden ship

Was caused by all the tears shed eating chick wings with hot dip.

Caligula, that awful man, would torture victims by

Dousing them with hot sauce till for mercy they did cry.

And Ghengis Khan rode roughshod over half of Europe cuz

He couldn’t find a drink to counteract that hot wings buzz.

Minions of the Inquisition kept a pinion pot

Boiling by their victims side and fed them piping hot.

Gestapo agents also used the fear of Scoville levels

To rip confessions from gourmets in Vichy France -- the devils!

It’s clear to me hot chicken wings are not meant for mankind.

Their spiciness and greasiness will make you lose your mind.

Abusing tastebuds with such stuff is such a curse, not blessing --

So pass another wing this way, along with the ranch dressing!  

From USA Today. Tuesday March 27 2018.

It's all part of a "free-range kids" bill signed by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert last week. The law, which specifies it is not neglectful to let children wander independently, will take effect May 8. An age limit was purposely not defined, but the law says children left alone should display maturity and good judgment.

Children who are left to wander

Have a lot of time to ponder

Why adults don’t wander too --

Since work is such a bugaboo.

If not for this unholy grind

That makes me want to lose my mind

I too would amble like a child

And drive the neighborhood quite wild.

If drifting children only knew

How lucky they are to pass through

Times when they can just meander,

Unlike drudges or bystander!

Behold, the wrath of God is upon the mother of harlots . . .

Behold, the wrath of God is upon the mother of harlots . . .

First Nephi. Chapter Fourteen. Verse 16.

I would not like the wrath of God descending on my head.

My life is hard enough right now without such astral dread.

I try to keep a low profile, avoiding any ire

From Himself -- who has been known to chastise with real fire.

In my defense no harlots ever crossed my path before;

Like Joseph, if one grabbed me I’d head for the nearest door.

I mean no disrespect to Deity with this here jingle;

I’m only warning sinners that the Lord God ain’t Kris Kringle!

snow and grass combined

snow and grass combined;

only a stopgap pattern

waiting like a sigh

une lettre de ma fille missionnaire

Cette semaine a été une semaine de miracles et de bénédictions, partout. Mon compagnon et moi avons décidé de faire un objectif d'inviter 100 personnes au service de Pâques que nous avions dimanche (hier) et nous l'avons totalement fait! J'étais un peu sceptique que nous allions le faire au début parce que je m'habitue toujours à parler à chaque personne que nous voyons dans la rue, mais c'était une bonne pratique de simplement savoir comment parler aux gens sans être totalement maladroit haha. Et même si nous avons une voiture, nous avons beaucoup marché pour pouvoir parler à plus de gens. Mais sur les 100 personnes que nous avons invitées, 7 sont venues! Le programme de Pâques était principalement composé de numéros musicaux. Il nous a donc été facile d'inviter des gens à venir écouter de la musique s'ils n'étaient pas intéressés par ce qui était dit. Et le service était tellement génial! Ne sous-estimez jamais le pouvoir et l'influence de la musique sur les gens. Aussi ce jour-là, James - qui vient d'être baptisé en décembre avec sa femme - a béni la Sainte-Cène pour la première fois et a reçu un appel! Ils ont été baptisés deux jours avant mon arrivée à la mission, et nous sommes allés chez eux et avons eu de nouvelles leçons avec eux chaque semaine. Ils ont 3 enfants, dont deux sont des jumeaux de moins de 2 ans; ils sont la famille la plus douce. Ils me rappellent mes nièces et mes neveux, alors j'adore aller dans leur maison :) Je sais que ça a l'air cliché, mais cela m'a fait tellement plaisir de voir James utiliser le sacerdoce qu'il vient d'aider le service et sa famille. Il n'y a rien de mieux ou de plus beau que de regarder le cheminement de quelqu'un pour connaître le Christ et voir son désir de le servir.  

Nous avons également eu le privilège spécial d'être participants au défilé du Jour de l'hirondelle à San Juan Capistrano! Chaque année, les hirondelles reviennent nicher à Capistrano, alors elles célèbrent je suppose en organisant un grand défilé avec des jeux amusants et de la nourriture. Tous les missionnaires et tous ceux qui le souhaitaient pouvaient venir s'habiller comme le Bataillon Mormon - un groupe de saints du milieu des années 1800 qui marchaient pour les militaires à 2 000 milles et ne voyaient jamais la bataille, mais aidaient à construire des routes, des communautés, et garde la paix. Ils ont été parmi les premiers colons à San Diego et à Capistrano. Quoi qu'il en soit, c'était super amusant et il y avait des tonnes de gens là-bas. Les hommes marchaient tous avec leurs pelles et leurs chapeaux et les femmes étaient de chaque côté, saluant le peuple dans la foule, souriant et agitant. Cela m'a ramené à l'époque où je faisais partie des défilés de fanfare et du char de Sons of Norway. C'était très amusant et nous avons pu parler à tant de gens !!! Mes amis, c'est génial d'être missionnaire. J'aurais aimé avoir le temps de vous raconter toutes les merveilleuses choses qui arrivent, mais cela devra être fait pour l'instant. Sache que je t'aime tous et que notre Père céleste aussi; beaucoup plus que nous ne pouvons jamais comprendre. Je sais que notre Sauveur, Jésus-Christ, vit, aime et nous connaît parfaitement. Il a porté nos peines et nos douleurs, il sait ce que c'est que d'être là où tu es. Il est toujours là pour aider, alors laissez-le. Son évangile apportera de la joie au chagrin et de l'espoir au désespéré, la paix à l'âme troublée. N'oublie pas combien tu lui dis, et n'oublie pas de lui montrer combien il compte pour toi! :) Passez une merveilleuse semaine et une super Pâques! Il habite! Amour, soeur Torkildson

And I bear record that I saw the things which my father saw . . .

And I bear record that I saw the things which my father saw . . .

First Nephi. Chapter Fourteen. Verse 29.

My father never saw much, working in a bar all day,

Except a bunch of barflies who sometimes refused to pay.

No exalted visions that I know of came to him;

The last thing he would ever do is sing a solemn hymn.

But he brought home a paycheck ev’ry week for forty years,

Which is more than I could do with all my pious tears.

My father may have had his faults and never prophesied;

But by his lights he always did the right thing, or he tried.

***********************************************************************

A FB pm from my nephew Rob about this poem:

SiffyandTor Torkildson Tork was not the best family man, those of us in his family, can attest. But, as you mention, he managed to keep the money coming in for a base stability. What you may not know, as you were never a barfly, is the hundreds of people who came to the bar to share their hardships with Tork, borrow money when times were tough, and the saint-like status he had at Arones. I lived it and witnessed it. There were over a thousand people at his funeral to attest to this "Buddha Bar Bartender" who helped so many on the edge. They still talk about his generosity down on East Hennepin. I loved him and often hated him. Rob

From the Wall Street Journal. Monday March 26 2018. Special Thailand edition.

Expectations for a vote have grown since Gen. Prayuth

told U.S. President Donald Trump during a visit to the

White House last fall that Thailand would hold an election

in November. He later reversed that plan, saying the

government would make a decision in June, and that

February 2019 was a more likely date.

by James Hookway

The land has got ten thousand smiles for tourists and the press;

But those who crave democracy are under some duress.

The military junta that is pulling all the threads

Wants to see all protestors sleep on Procrustes beds.

Though beaches and the Thai cuisine are popular worldwide,

Nobody seems to care abroad that voting rights have died.

Each year the promise of elections soothes the stormy scene.

Each year elections are postponed with some excuse routine.

Thailand wants our money to beef up their uniforms

But doesn’t want to hear from us about needful reforms.

I, for one, will not vacation in or near Bangkok

Until the military will remove their sad gridlock.

Baseball teams used to get any old dirt for infields and pitchers
mounds, scooping soil from a nearby hillside or riverbed.
Now, egged on by specialist baseball-soil suppliers,
they apply nearly as much science to the dirt as they do to the
pitching rotation. They demand just the right mixture of sand,
clay and silt to provide a smooth, predictable surface—
even if that means dirt is no longer dirt cheap.

Baseball is a funny sport; despite the player’s toil,

The managers are paying more for extra special soil!

A southpaw may be worth his weight in gold, but precious dirt

For pitcher’s mound makes owners pay until they lose their shirt!

So if you want to make a pile in diamonds, go to Burma

And bring back several tons of earth to sell as terra firma!

From the Washington Post. Sunday March 25 2018

Mike Hughes, a California man who is

most known for his belief that the Earth

is shaped like a Frisbee, finally blasted

off into the sky in a steam-powered rocket

he had built himself.

On a weekend mild and sunny in the Golden State

Mike Hughes took off by steam rocket to meet his cosmic fate.

Some say he crashed his missile deep in dry Mojave sand --

But others say he left Earth’s orbit as he had always planned.

Once above the atmosphere he saw the Earth reclining;

Flatter than a discus, with the sun above it shining.

Jubilant to be proved right, he angled for the Moon

And saw that it was all green cheese -- which almost made him swoon.

Next he zoomed away for Mars, where ditches full of dust

Led to ancient cities that were crumbling into rust.

The ancient residents were gone and all they left behind

Were stacks of books by H.G. Wells -- and none of them were signed.

He hopped upon a comet to find out what made it tick;

But found Louise Hay Linton there upon her own broomstick.

So he took off just like a shot to check out Saturn’s rings

And found they were the dandruff from celestial angel’s wings.

Longing for his homeworld, he turned back towards Mother Earth,

Wondering if Fox Network would now pay him what he’s worth.

But a ghostly presence caused his rocket ship to fail --

The shade of Chris Columbus rose before him, dim and pale.

“You think you gonna spoil my reputation?” Chris did ask.

“And all my clever scheming you will suddenly unmask?”

He sent Mike’s rocket crashing into Putin’s patio;

And what became of Mr. Hughes is something we don’t know . . .

From the New York Times. Sunday March 25 2018.

American adults continue to put on the pounds. New data shows
that nearly 40 percent of them were obese in 2015 and 2016,
a sharp increase from a decade earlier, federal health officials
reported Friday.

The woes of weight are heavy, there’s no doubt about that now.

The experts say adults are eating too much processed chow.

Food trucks and the drive-through make it easy to exceed

The needs of mere nutrition as we impetuously feed.

Heart attacks are gaining on us at an awful rate;

Diabetes fells us as we continue to tailgate.

Our blood pressure is spiking at dread levels rarely seen

Outside of octogenarians down in Saint Augustine.

Our children also suffer from a heedless appetite;

Gorging on the candied Cap’n Crunch both day and night.

Sitting on their tuchas playing Final Fantasy,

They’re plumping up like turkeys for November’s jubilee.

But going on a diet of raw kale and herbal tea

Is not the sort of lifestyle that appeals too much to me.

Like Falstaff I will take my chances with debauchery,

Enjoying ev’ry sweetmeat till they hang me from a tree!

From the Wall Street Journal. Sunday March 25 2018

China is the second-biggest customer for U.S. agricultural products after
Canada, and its planned tariffs on pork, fruit, nuts and other goods are
expected to worsen the U.S. farm economy’s slump.

In China our chicken feet sold

For scads of nice silver and gold.

But now a trade war

Means Chinese abhor

Those cackling tootsies tenfold!

Bank examiners comb records and interrogate executives. If they see a
problem, they can order bankers to fix it and sanction banks that
don’t listen. When examiners succeed at preventing transgressions,
hardly anyone notices. When they fail, consumers suffer.

There once was a bank snooper mad

Who never thought banks could go bad.

He never thus fined

A bank, and stayed blind

To evil like Sir Galahad.

The skill of spotting false information—rubbish, nonsense and, yes,
fake news—is so important these days that scientists have begun
serious research on it. They’re attempting to quantify when and
why people spread it, who is susceptible to it, and how people can
confront it.

I never tell lies anymore.

The internet saves me the chore.

With all their fake news

And bumfuzzled views

The truth has become just folklore.