Owls and Satyrs

But wild beasts of the desert shall lie there; and their houses shall be full of doleful creatures; and owls shall dwell there, and satyrs shall dance there.
Second Nephi. Chapter Twenty-Three. Verse 21.

The Latter Days, with many howls,
produces satyrs and bleak owls.
They toil all night to bring down prey;
they dance their hollow lives away.
No one is safe from their caprice;
they bring but strife, and never peace.
Wild beasts they are, though dressed up fine;
inflamed with lust and greed and wine.
So shun their doleful desert haunts
and come to Christ despite the taunts.
To frisk with satyrs may seem merry;
it grows not faith, but something hairy. 


Have you read my profile in the New York Times yet?  Please click here:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/25/reader-center/newsroom-poet-laureate-limericks.html

Scott Pruitt

Scott Pruitt, President Trump’s administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, resigned after facing months of allegations over legal and ethical violations.
NYT

the head of the EPA, Scott,
did travel in luxury bought
by taxpayer dough
so he had to go
way back to his Panhandle rot.


the boss of the EPA quit
today in a terrible snit.
he cried "It's no crime
to spend all my time
with lobbyists and profit split!" 



another one bites the dust -- he
used EPA dough for his spree.
Scott Pruitt, by name,
has now got great fame
for all of his duplicity.

Endless Red Tape The American Cheese Surplus Looks Like Anyone Can Run for President These Days

Others have been stymied by the Military Entrance Processing Command, which has rejected some of the applicants and kept others in limbo for months by requesting ever more detailed medical documentation. Other advocates said the Sparta members’ experiences probably reflected the overall picture for transgender enlistment.
NYT

the government loves to so drape
all outsiders with long red tape
until they despair
of treatment that's fair
and dress themselves in deep black crape.

Cheese makers that rely on foreign sales are suffering as China and Mexico raise tariffs on U.S. mozzarella and provolone.

WSJ

when selling a sweet provolone

our farmers are left all alone --

in China and south

of the border it's drouth

for curds and whey we have home-grown.

Michael Avenatti, the lawyer who emerged as national figure by representing adult-film star Stormy Daniels, is weighing a challenge to President Trump in 2020.

Washington Post

I think that I'll run for exec

of this here fine country, by heck!

it seems that the job

attracts ev'ry slob -- 

with money and a turkey neck.

 

Faith in Democracy India's Planting Mantras Sunscreen Lotion Lobsters

when faith in democracy ebbs,
destroyed by our internet webs,
don't say the elite
provided defeat;
twas ruined by we comatose plebs. 


In Goa, farmers were given a curriculum at a government workshop and told to chant the words of a healing mantra used by devotees of the Hindu god Shiva for 20 minutes every day during the planting phase.
Washington Post

the farmers who live out in Goa
are growing increasingly poa --
a mantra won't grow
their crops in a row,
no matter how much they may hoa.


Part of the problem is that dermatologists have a hard time explaining how thickly sunscreen should be applied.

Wall Street Journal


I put on my lotion so thick
that I become awfully slick.
If I am not leery
I'll fall on my deery
and crack it with quite a loud 'snick.'


Scientists say a variety of factors have contributed to the boom, including overfishing of predators like cod and the lobstermen’s own conservation efforts. But without climate change, Maine’s lobster fishery would not be anywhere near as successful as it is today . . . 
NYT


Whatever the reason or cause
I'm glad that there's more lobster claws.
The flesh is so sweet
that I rarely eat
less than a dozen red paws. 

Giraffe Kill Refurbishing Restaurants Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

The dead giraffe is curled up on the ground in souvenir photographs. The American woman who killed it during a guided hunt in South Africa is nestled in the curve of the animal’s long neck, clutching her long gun and pointing at the sky in gratitude.

That was last year. But in June, the photographs found new life online when they were published by Africlandpost, an online news organization that covers social and political issues in Africa. It posted a critical message on Twitter saying the animal was a rare black giraffe exploited by a “white American savage.”

NYT

in Africa nobody cares

if you kill grizzily bears.

or vampire bats

or termites with slats.

until it's revived via shares.

But after changing hands, changing management or restructuring, many casual-dining chains are reinventing themselves to be more contemporary. They are swapping out giant portions of food for small plates, and upgrading ingredients and décor.

WSJ

why can't they leave restaurants alone?

they have to cut things to the bone.

when I want a malt

I don't need gestalt -- 

I'm there for the fries, not the tone.

 It would have cost a fortune to air the ad on TV in the New York market, but through Facebook, YouTube and Twitter she inexpensively explained her working-class Puerto Rican roots and her demands for “Medicare for all” and free public college tuition.

Washington Post

the end of the big TV ad

is making me feel pretty glad.

deep pockets are not

how Congress is bought -- 

go viral on YouTube, comrade! 

Read my profile in the New York Times:  https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/25/reader-center/newsroom-poet-laureate-limericks.html  

XRP Robocalls All-Time Heat Records

Digital tokens like Bitcoin and its many imitators (like XRP) were designed to make electronic transactions of all sorts easier. But today almost no transactions are happening, other than on virtual currency exchanges where people bet on their price.
NYT

a digital token is meant
like greenbacks to be quickly spent;
to pay off some bills
or purchase some thrills -- 
most cover it up with cement.

Some robocalls are legitimate—your pharmacy, your bank—but not the ones that change numbers constantly to appear local and avoid detection. Robocallers even spoof numbers held by ordinary phone customers like you and me (so don’t call them back to yell at them.)

WSJ

the robocall's smarter than you;

it always knows just what to do

so caller ID

seems awful friendly --  

but you're just a sum in their queue.

From the normally mild summer climes of Ireland, Scotland and Canada to the scorching Middle East, numerous locations in the Northern Hemisphere have witnessed their hottest weather ever recorded over the past week.

Washington Post

It does not take genius to tell

that globally we've gone to hell.

The heatwaves arise

with fricassee skies;

and glaciers turn into soft gel.

Great Knowledge

And now I, Nephi, cannot say more; the Spirit stoppeth mine utterance, and I am left to mourn because of the unbelief, and the wickedness, and the ignorance, and the stiffneckedness of men; for they will not search knowledge, nor understand great knowledge, when it is given unto them in plainness, even as plain as word can be.
Second Nephi. Chapter Thirty-Two. Verse 7.

Knowledge is too hard to search; I'd rather laze away
watching Netflix movies while I snack on Frito-Lay.
My neck is kinda stiff and so I'd better hit the gym,
and then go into debt to get a stylish new hair trim.
I don't think I'm so wicked, though believing scripture verse
sometimes makes me feel that I am heading for a curse. 

How Henri Matisse Changed the Art World Forever

What the Butler Saw. by Henri Matisse.  c. 1919

Matisse's family had been in the business of painting barber poles throughout Europe for the past five generations, so Henri came to his appetite for color and spirals honestly.

The day after his birth someone somewhere probably choked on a fish bone during a hasty meal -- and this unavoidable tragedy weighed heavily on Henri Matisse all of his brief life. He died tragically young at the age of 95. Don't snicker -- some people die tragically old at the age of 19. 

During a trip to the south of France to recuperate from asafoetida poisoning, Matisse was enchanted with the hallucinatory sunlight and swirling color schemes that seemed to leap out at him like an amorous goat. He immediately began painting everything he saw, including his landlord's kitchen sink, which caused such an uproar in the village where he was staying that he was hung in Effigy (a tiny hamlet down the road from where Van Gogh did that silly thing with his ear.)

When Matisse returned to Paris he determined to leave behind him his prosperous work as a marine underwriter (his pens got too soggy anyways) and devote his life to painting. This did not sit well with his wife, Jeeves, who immediately took Matisse to court to have him declared insane and unfit for decent company. After the judge viewed several of the artist's latest canvases he threw out the case on the grounds of Aribus Teneo Lupum, otherwise known as Love Laughs at Andy Hardy. 

Free at last to paint, Matisse immediately took up horse racing and won the Kentucky Derby. 

Abandoning linear drawing, Matisse began sculpting huge amorphous shapes that he called "Huge Amorphous Shapes." 

His work now fetches such amazing prices that none of it has been sold for the past forty years. 

Referring to himself and Pablo Picasso, Matisse told reporters: "The artist is never tethered to reality, and must treat all outward sensory stimulation as so much burgoo."  

Splitsville

A change in the new Republican tax law will eliminate a tax break for alimony payments that are finalized after Dec. 31, prompting financial planners and lawyers to warn wealthy clients that if they have been contemplating filing for divorce, they better act fast.

NYT

The rich are not like you and I.

To them taxes do not apply.

Although when they split

they still like to git

their alimony on the sly

Read Tim's profile in the New York Times by clicking here 

One Fell Sip

In one fell sip, Seattle on Sunday became the first major U.S. city to ban drinking straws, an environmentally friendly move that leaders hope will spark a nationwide conversation about small, everyday changes that people can make to protect the planet.

Washington Post

Seattle says sipping with straws

is now against all of their laws.

And so they usurp

our right to a slurp --

and milkshakes will drip down our jaws!

Read my profile in the New York Times at:  https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/25/reader-center/newsroom-poet-laureate-limericks.html