Infants Abandoned in Dirty Courtrooms -- New Tariffs Threaten Jobs in the Car Industry -- No Hijabs Need Apply

The Trump administration has reportedly ordered at least 70 children under the age of 1 to appear before immigration judges since last October, with some appearing without any legal representation. 

Newsweek

A judge had a baby appear

so its legal status was clear.

The infant, upset,

did its diaper wet --

the bailiff put it in jail drear. 

On Thursday, the Commerce Department is holding a hearing in Washington on whether imported cars and car parts harm national security, the premise of an administration plan to impose hefty duties. If imposed, the tariffs would most likely have deeper and wider-reaching repercussions for the economy than levies on fish or steel. Cars don’t come together in one plant, with one work force — they’re the final result of hundreds of companies working together, in a supply chain that can snake through small American towns and cross oceans.

NYT

If we must tax something that's hot,

then why not tax stupor of thought?

It's such a big trend

that it may not end,

but stay in the White House and squat.

Pool officials spoke of the dangerous weight of wet cotton and said the girls’ religiously required clothing [including hijabs] could put a strain on the pool’s filtration system. They cited a vaguely worded, unposted policy.

Washington Post

The pool is a wonderful place,

if you're of the right creed and race.

But if you are not,

no matter how hot,

the lifeguards will make you lose face.

A spokeswoman said Zack Snyder wouldn’t discuss a director’s cut. Mr. Snyder never watched the version of “Justice League” released in theaters, she said.  WSJ

Aren't the movies long enough, without Director's Cut?
They add another hour and it seems to be all glut.
It takes a lot of popcorn to sit through three hours straight,
even if you're with the world's most fascinating date.
I think that movie editors should chop 'em down to size;
forty minutes is enough for any old franchise.
Show the villain; show the girl; then blow up something huge;
the hero then can run a race and shoot the villain's stooge.
It all ends with Godzilla or a spaceship on the moon.
Unless it's Mama Mia -- then the actors simply swoon. 
Don't hand me longer movies; the director can go hang --
I want a movie that won't turn into a dull harangue! 

The Pit

. . .  yea, that great pit which hath been digged for the destruction of men shall be filled by those who digged it . . . 
First Nephi. Chapter Fourteen. Verse 3.

I fell into a pit one time
and struggled midst the mud and slime;
but I got out with help from God,
so on the firm path I could trod.
But those who dug that pit of shame
were caught up in their own foul game.
Inside their chasm they remain,
and struggle to get out in vain.
It is their tomb, unless enticed
to take the helping hand of Christ. 

Amazon's Prime Day Bigger than Black Friday -- Trump Speak With Forked Tongue, Ugh! -- Why Doesn't Everyone Speak English?

Amazon’s Prime Day set another sales record for the company, topping sales on Black Friday, Cyber Monday and last year’s Prime Day with Instant Pot pressure cookers, 23 and Me DNA tests and personal water filters proving to be the hot-ticket items in the United States.
Newsweek

Don't call us the U S of A --
we've now become Amazon Prey.
Even Trump's hairline
is ordered from online -- 
and Bezos will now hear us pray. 



President Trump continued to struggle on Wednesday with the fallout from his meeting with President Vladimir V. Putin, denying that Russia was still interfering in American elections, only to have the White House later claim that he had yet again been misunderstood.
NYT

When Trump now says 'Yes' he means 'No.'
When he says 'Heatwave' it means 'Snow.'
His tongue is so forked
it ought to be corked -- 
he spreads his manure with backhoe.




The triumph of English has been remarkable. Most major European multinational companies adopted English as their boardroom language more than a decade ago. English has long since overtaken French as the de facto language of the EU. Increasingly, Europe’s leading national politicians speak English when they meet each other bilaterally. In the past 14 months, Spain, France and Poland have all acquired new fluently English-speaking leaders, replacing monoglot predecessors.
WSJ


Sweet English is the only tongue
that keeps the mind and breath quite young.
It conquers ev'ry type of guff
that comes from speaking other stuff.
Too bad that in the USA
we're speaking Spanish more each day.
Not that Hispanic is a curse,
but I can't put it into verse! 

America the Illiterate -- The World Wide Web Ain't -- The Friendly Russian Bear

Do students at poorly performing schools have a constitutional right to a better education? On Friday, a Federal District Court judge in Michigan decided that they did not when he dismissed a class-action lawsuit filed by students at troubled schools in Detroit.

A student who don't learn to read

is liable to pick up a creed

about the flat earth

or Obama's birth

that makes him a citizen weed. 

Authoritarian governments in the Middle East are increasingly adopting a version of China’s approach to online censorship, walling their citizens off from swaths of the internet and denying access to popular websites, often with the aid of Western technology.
WSJ

The freedom of internet sites
in some places gets the last rites
as countries connive
to quickly deprive
their citizens of civil rights.


President Trump, who has been under fire for not aggressively confronting Russian President Vladimir Putin over election interference, said Russia is no longer targeting the United States.
Washington Post


The friendly Russian bear
is welcomed ev'rywhere.
He does not spy or kill;
and Trump is not his shill.
Oh, do not turn your back
on such a loving pack
as Russian folk can be
(when they're not KGB.)

Upon the Isles of the Sea

. . .  and they are scattered to and fro upon the isles of the sea . . . 
First Nephi. Chapter Twenty-two. Verse 4.

I wish I could be scattered to a pleasant tropic isle,
where coconuts are plentiful and all the natives smile.
But when I sin and make mistakes the Lord does punish me
by keeping me at home in bed, not out upon the sea.
I used to know those torrid beaches in my days of strength;
now I never travel, reading scripture at some length.
The only thing that's scattered are my wits upon occasion;
and so those pleasant smiling isles are safe from my invasion.

Advice from my Parents

My daughter Madelaine recently emailed me, asking what advice my parents gave me as a child that I might like to pass along.

That is a doozy of a question. As I have ricocheted around this gibbering globe for the past 65 years I can't remember a single time when something my mother or father said was of any help. Not a thing. 

It's not that they raised me strictly by pantomime; they both had a lot to say to me and about me. In fact, I would say they often became emotional and vociferous over my youthful iniquities and taradiddles.

My mother often reminded me that nose pickers risked leaky brains.

My dad advised me not to make ashtrays out of cardboard.

They both told me that Jerry Lewis was not a comedian, but a carcinogenic -- the longer I watched him, the more likely I was to sprout tentacles and slither off to a toxic waste to live out my days as a friendless mutant.

They both lied through their teeth when they told me that Red China would be invading soon, and that I would then have to eat tuna casserole or be stood against a wall for the next firing squad that happened along. 

My dad told me that alcohol would kill me if I drank it before the age of twenty-one; but after that it was the best thing there was for adults to have while watching TV or playing cards.

So you see, their so-called advice was nothing more than a bunch of claptrap and superstition. Among the things I wish they had told me was:

Pay your taxes on time.

Don't leave your wife and kids behind if you ever have to travel a lot. No matter what it costs, take 'em along.

Don't buy flowers for a woman who works in a florist shop.

Never seek revenge -- eventually, life will even up the score for you.

Learn to like crow -- you're going to eat a lot of it before you die.

When life hands you a lemon, smell it first to see if it's rotten.

There's always a free lunch, if you don't mind sticking your snout in any old trough. 

If you can't afford to be honest, be quiet.

Never flush the toilet until you've checked to make sure you've still got your wallet.

Never eat out alone.

The only thing worth watching on TV is baseball.

Get comfortable with poverty; it's always at the back door.

Friendly dogs bite the hardest.

Never turn down dessert.

Love someone better than you.

You can make most people happy by leaving them alone.

Had these things been the guideposts handed down to me from my parents I might have become an affluent and powerful CEO or world-renowned scientist, or even a railroad engineer. But all I ever heard was "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" or "Money don't grow on trees." No wonder I ran out the door to join the circus -- living with cliches is about as bad as living with bedbugs. 

But this whole story of parental advice leads inevitably to an uncomfortable question -- What advice did I myself give to my own kids that they have remembered and cherished?

At a guess, I'd say that probably the only thing I ever told them that has stuck with them through thick and thin is:  When you pee the bed, turn your mattress over. 

I'll have to ask 'em about it the next time we all get together -- probably Thanksgiving. 

Yust Go Tew Nord Dakota, Den!

Yust go tew Nort Dakota, den;
if yew vant vhoop-dee-do.
Dere is no udder place like it,
vhen you like skies of blew.
Da peeple dere are so polite,
dey never honk dere horn --
da vind is purty husky, so 
da milk cows is airborne!
Yust go tew Nort Dakota, den;
vhere vheat an' barley grow.
But hurry up and wisit,
cuz next week ve vill haf snow!

The Kingdom of the Devil Must Shake

For the kingdom of the devil must shake, and they which belong to it must needs be stirred up unto repentance . . . 
Second Nephi. Chapter Twenty-Eight. Verse 19.

Although he's grabbed the lofty thrones of state and widespread creed,
his kingdoms will be shaken and his victims will be freed -- 
With power and authority, true ministers are sent
to help those shackled to their sins to rise up and repent.
No slander on the internet, no army of despair
can long prevent the devil's fall from offices threadbare.
Take heart and do not tremble at his false and vain replies --
Christ shall rattle down the fortress of the king of lies! 

Milk Fat is Good for You -- The Rise of the Bots -- Your Hamburger May Come from a Lab, not a Cow

Marcia Otto, lead author of the study and assistant professor of epidemiology, human genetics and environmental sciences at UTHealth School of Public Health, said in a statement: "Our findings not only support, but also significantly strengthen, the growing body of evidence which suggests that dairy fat, contrary to popular belief, does not increase risk of heart disease or overall mortality in older adults."

One fatty acid present in dairy was actually found to potentially lower the risk of death from cardiovascular disease, particularly stroke, she said.

Newsweek

Ice cream is good for the heart.

Swiss cheese gives life a new start.

If I want to take

a swig of milk shake

my doctor will think I am smart!

Since then, bots have become, for many people, a digital boogeyman, a viral weapon that can be wielded to influence political opinions, fool advertisers, prank unknowing social media users and get bad hashtags to trend. (They’re also the lifeblood of many users we call influencers.)

NYT

You cannot tell what is a bot

and what is a personal thought.

The way people write

is never too bright --

so which is the real tommyrot? 

Some people are awfully glib

whenever they use a large fib.

They don't think it base

to lie with such grace;

to them tis a mere quaint ad-lib.

Cell-culture meat makers begin by isolating livestock or poultry cells that have the capacity to renew themselves, and place them into room-size bioreactor tanks, similar to fermenters. The cells are fed oxygen and nutrients like sugar and minerals, and can grow into skeletal muscle that can be harvested within a few weeks. That tissue can then be formed into meatballs or chicken strips.

WSJ

They've made my french fries GMO.

My milkshake is soy, even so.

But when my meat slab

must come from a lab --

at Wendy's I'll be a no-show.