Collage postcards sent to Pres. Donald Trump. Sen. Mitt Romney, and journalist Anthony Harrup, respectively.
Saturday, September 5, 2020
Wie man ein Hutmacher ist
" . . . I would that ye should remember that these sayings are true, and also that these records are true . . . "
Mosiah 1:6
Today I'll get my news somewhere
that likes to give me quite a scare.
I love conspiracy reports
on left wing nuts and secret forts.
Who cares if it is really true?
To me it's just like sniffing glue!
The scriptures cannot duplicate
the thrill that comes from scanning hate!
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Joy
In the joy of true belief
I will seek profound relief
from regret and haunting care
as the Gospel plan I share.
Friday, September 4, 2020
Keeping a closed mind.
"We're going to reopen your mind again"
said the little man.
"It's too early" I told him.
"I'm not ready to accept new
and unknown ideas -- they might be
infectious."
"That's a chance we're willing to take"
said the little man, adjusting his glasses
and straightening his necktie.
Like this was some sort of news
conference or something.
"I'm against it" I told him.
"I'm going on record as against it."
"In fact" I continued,
"I'll get an injunction!"
So I did.
The judge was very accommodating.
He said opening my mind to the world
would be tantamount to premeditated
murder.
So for now my mind remains shut.
Nothing and nobody gets in.
And nobody and nothing gets out.
Once a month a box of sterile
cliches arrives --
and that's quite enough for me
to get along on, thank you very
much.
I just wish the stores
would hurry and restock
brain sanitizer.
Timericks from stories in today's New York Times.
The economic strain of the coronavirus pandemic has more Americans turning to food banks and charity for help feeding their families.
Charity and kindness are old Hunger's grand design;
he wants us to be famished for the sake of our waistline.
Rich or poor, he labors to see that we all lose some weight
by killing the economy and stealing from out plate.
We ought to thank him deeply that our food's in short supply;
for skeletons are graceful and are known to be quite spry.
What to do if a bat gets in your house.
Should a bat get in my hut,
I would go insane somewhat;
for such creatures of the night
give me nothing much but fright.
Chittering and gnashing sharp
teeth mean I'll go under tarp
and not ever reappear
till my wife tells me 'All Clear.'
As He Questions His Opponent’s Health, Trump Finds His Own Under Scrutiny.
Fibbing gives you lungs of steel;
ignorance, a happy feel.
Tweeting all the livelong day
chases ev'ry germ away.
Do you wonder that our Boss
is as healthy as a hoss?
Most Businesses Were Unprepared for Covid-19. Domino’s Delivered.
Imperishable pizza, you're a godsend to my days;
you never cease to fill me with anchovies and amaze.
I love your little dimples where the sauce pools red and bright;
who else is there to comfort me when sleepless late at night?
They cannot take away your crust, or banish pepperoni;
otherwise I think my heart shall turn to chalcedony!
Timericks from stories in today's Wall Street Journal.
Brazil’s Vice President Admits Mistakes in Fighting Amazon Deforestation.
In Brazil the Amazon is fading fast away;
the government's impatient for a quick and clean payday.
Once the forest's gone for good the present politicians
will remove to Switzerland to check on ski conditions.
U.S. Pulls Back on Quickly Returning Migrant Children to Home Countries.
Welcome, little children, to the great big USA --
unfortunately we cannot permit you long to stay.
So pack up all your teddy bears and wipe away those tears;
we'd rather have you grow up with your gangster-ridden peers.
China Launches Experimental Spaceplane.
China's gone to outer space
and will build a great moon base.
Then to Mars, and Venus, too,
where she'll start a barbecue.
Uncle Sam had better wake
to his stingy dumb mistake!
The Unswept World
As the mountains, dry and mighty,
rear above my thirsty head,
may the Gospel oft refresh me,
as this unswept world I tread.
Thursday, September 3, 2020
Timericks from stories in today's Washington Post.
President Trump on Thursday sought to clarify remarks in which he suggested voting twice, saying in tweets that he was instead urging those who vote by mail to follow up at their polling place to make sure their mail-in ballots have been counted.
There once was a President who
wanted with voting to screw.
He said to vote twice;
illegal advice
that honest campaigning would skew.
After Trump moved to slash federal funding from several cities his administration labeled as “anarchist jurisdictions” late Wednesday, specifically singling out New York, Cuomo shot back. The commander in chief, he said, was “persona non grata” in their shared hometown.
New York is a city on trial;
Trump thinks it's a big crocodile
that ought to be shot
like some Huguenot
that thought the French king rather vile.
The coronavirus pandemic stranded this traveling family circus.
The clowns ain't smiling anymore.
The camel's looking mighty poor.
The Ringmaster has lost his voice.
The circus faces Hobson's Choice.
Perhaps they all will run away
to join a home and no more stray.
The pandemic is ruining our sleep. Experts say ‘coronasomnia’ could imperil public health.
If I should ever sleep again,
I don't know how; I don't know when.
Pandemic stress keeps me awake
like a ceaseless sharp toothache.
I toss and turn like restless wave
and haven't got the strength to shave.
If I don't get some sleep real fast
you'll find me an iconoclast!
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