Today's Timericks. (With New and Improved Gun Control!)

 

It should come as no surprise/that Democrats have set their eyes/on people who have too much gelt/and want their bankbooks to get svelte/Joe Biden funds his spending spree/by shaking rich folks' money tree/If bankers weep, I do not care/since I am not a millionaire.

Ron Weiser of the GOP/made foolish comments recently/He said some ladies rode on brooms/then pronounced some deadly dooms/on his Democratic foes/Here's a guy whose brain's on doze/I bet he has prehensile toes.

I wonder if those activists/who want to worship guns/would feel the same if maniacs/gunned down their own young sons/What vaunted right is worth the risk/of sudden senseless death/What parent trades their children's life/for hollow shibboleth?

Rebellion upon the waters

 

I'm sailing in a leaky boat;

the Lord alone keeps me afloat.

And yet how oft I do defy

my Captain's orders and deny

His right to steer me safely to

my sacred blissful rendezvous!

Today's Timericks. (featuring deepfake!)

 

I wouldn't be a teacher/not for all the tea in Shanghai/The children are rambunctious/and you have to wear a necktie/Playing Minecraft on their phones/those little scholars dawdle/All they learn is from their folks/watching Fox News twaddle. 

When I was young a spicy dish did suit me to perfection/It was a macho moment when I downed a hot confection/But now my innards have become a quivering fiasco/from volcanic curries and a surfeit of Tabasco!  

I'm trapped inside a deepfake on my iPhone, mercy me!/I'm stuck as Martha Washington trimming my goatee/This app has got me flummoxed, and I don't know what to do/I'd like to find some expert help, but they're all deepfake too!

Amy, notre amour mort peut-il être ressuscité?

 

When I saw you yesterday, resurrection once again

took place in my heart and in my loins;

all that poignant pain reborn --

from your soul I'm too long shorn.

Have I spent those silver coins

Judas-like on fruitless yen?

Today's Timericks.

 

Chili con carne's the ticket for me/even the French, of it, all yell 'Mais oui!'/The meat and the beans and the fiery gravy/sail down my throat like a nectarous navy/Who cares about vapors that later are fanned/Just gimme some chili that has not been canned!

Ignorance and malice, sowing fields of rancid dreams/now concentrate their ire on the innocent vaccines/These oafs are only happy when their plots diminish hope/and make the people stumble as through sorrow they do grope.

The President's first forum with the press was unexciting/Unlike He Who Won't Be Named -- which seemed more like bullfighting/Normalcy's been gone so long, it's hard to recollect/how to deal with presidents with regular respect. 

 

New Love Poem For Joom

 

The stale coffee on your breath

and dark eyes to which I sank

as I kissed you half to death

and your greedy ardor drank.

Laughing, snapping teeth so white --

would you really truly bite me?

Holding on to what so tight,

since you never had to fight me?

I pushed down upon your hips,

tracing moles upon your back;

as you licked your ragged lips

and I called you 'Heart Attack."

Plucking eyebrows, brushing hair --

doing all that girly stuff;

I would watch you from a chair

and could never get enough.

I last saw you years ago

at the airport in Bangkok.

It was all so allegro;

it made love a laughingstock.

Now the mountains here are white

like the hair upon my head;

I still think of you at night

and could wish that I were dead.

Today's Timericks (with a helping of Van Gogh.)

 

Amazon and unions mix/just like smoothies and chop sticks/Amazon has sent out spies/so workers do not organize/Workers on a sit down strike/make old Bezos feel warlike/But with Democrats on top/unions are sure not to flop.

When a poet disappears/very few are shedding tears/Poets, gadflies, nuts; the same/All are playing just a game/So say ignoramus crowds/who have never ridden clouds. 

The world is an asylum/and we are trapped inside/Anyone escaping/is caught and swiftly tried/Van Gogh escaped so often/and painted what he saw/until he broke the windows/of ev'ry jail bourgeois. 

Photo Essay: The Postcards I Mailed to President Biden So Far This Week.

 

Prose Poem: A Plastic Bag Diet Will Save the World!

 

We all have to make life choices from time to time.

I made one a while ago that I must share with you.

After hearing about all the plastic bags

being found in the stomachs of whales

and camels and cows,

I went on a plastic bag diet.

They are best eaten raw, sprinkled with

 sea salt.

Make sure you get a variety of plastic

bags -- from the grocery, drug store, and dollar

store.

The different kinds of polyethylene they use

on the bags gives them a distinctive

taste and texture.

Don't be tempted to cheat by sneaking

in a few paper bags! They're full of corn

syrup.

And stay away from bubble wrap --

it'll make you flatulent.

Nowadays I snag my breakfast

from a trash can while out

walking in the park.

I meet friends for lunch downtown to

enjoy a plastic bag smoothie.

I usually skip dinner,

although sometimes I'll munch

on a quart-size baggie while watching 

the boob tube.

Why am I sharing this with you?

Because I believe we can end

world hunger, here and now,

if we all work together to provide

enough plastic bags for everyone.

So won't you please bring all yours

 to our Plastic Bags to

End Hunger Initiative

at the White House Rose Garden

this Easter Sunday?

Donations are tax deductible. 

Koszonom!

Today's Timericks.

 

Gun control, that bugaboo/still upsets both me and you/I say ban 'em; you demure/Can there be a useful cure?/Tax 'em like we do tobacco/maybe that will stop a whacko.  

Cereal boxes now contain/shrimp tails and perhaps bird brain/These are prizes I would ban/were I selling Raisin Bran/Rusty nails in frosted flakes/give consumers nasty shakes/I don't want such horrid dregs/and so I'll stick to ham and eggs. 

Sheltering in place did cause/weight gain like old Santa Claus/I was thin and in good shape/Now I'm rounder than a grape/Snacking in anxiety/since there's no society/sure is not a funny joke/next I'll probably start to smoke!