Observations on Stake Conference

• The longer the meeting the longer my appetite.
• In the Celestial Kingdom, nobody will have to deal with folding chairs.
• The front pews are always reserved for latecomers for their complete embarrassment. 
• The louder the Stake Choir, the louder the Stake.
• No Stake President has ever worn a bow tie.
• Babies are encouraged by their parents to swallow an air horn prior to coming to Conference.
• A third of the congregation has brought their own water bottles; the other two-thirds chew gum.
• During a moment of silence, when the Spirit is trying to break through, a cell phone will ring insistently. 
• The Spanish interpreter is causing feedback from his microphone.
• An announcement will be made that there is a white Toyota in the parking lot with its lights on.
• Nobody ever dreams of having a gigantic potluck after Stake Conference -- except maybe me.