Ledes & Limericks. Friday January 12 2018.

Trump uses term ‘shithole’ to describe countries

of some would-be immigrants, according to two

people briefed on meeting

It’s true that a potty-mouthed king

Can say just about anything.

But that only means

He’s doomed to latrines

After he’s had his short fling.

Newspaper Industry Vows To

Fight New Tariffs On Canadian

Newsprint, Citing Jobs Threat

From Forbes

A publisher cried ‘Woe is me!”

“I won’t pay for any more tree.”

“I’ll print all the news

On old leather shoes

And show those Canucks I’m carefree!”

Chinese Police Dynamite

Christian Megachurch

In China they like to explode

The Deity’s holy abode.

It’s not that they’re cruel,

It’s just that the rule

Includes a way strict zoning code.

Ledes & Limericks. Thursday January 11 2018

Landlords are expunging the m-word from shopping-center entrances,
Facebook pages and corporate materials. Of the 90 regional malls
that have undergone renovations since 2014,
17 have removed “mall” from their names, according to property
consultancy JLL.

From the Wall Street Journal

Now‘Mall’ is a word that is banned

From retail space across the land.

It conjures up scenes

Of food courts and teens,

And shopping that’s totally bland.

Pope Invites the Poor to the Circus,

and Animal Activists Protest

Someone had best call a cop --

The kids are inside the big top!

Where they just might see

Some hilarity

Or animals that like to hop!

Junk Food Tax is Legally Viable,
Finds New Analysis  from Drover’s Magazine  

They’re taxing all the goodies that I need to comfort me --

Ev’rything from Cheetos to the gummies from Trolli!

The only thing the nanny state will never tax, I guess,

is something green and leafy like the cursed watercress!

俳句：不思議な山の形

形は冷たい光です 寒い坂の上で 彼らが私が書くときに溶ける

the shapes are cold light on a cold slope of mountain they melt as I write

俳句：地球への降下

汚れに頼る ビーズの溶けた雪は青色です 私はもう涙がない

leaning over dirt beaded melted snow is blue

I have no more tears

Ledes & Limericks. Wednesday January 10 2018

“They become more and more reliant on these taxpayer subsidies,
legal notices,” Kitchens said of the bona fide circulation newspapers.
“These papers would have a tough time without these.
We’re basically subsidizing mediocrity. I think that’s the
problem.”

From the Door County Pulse

The legal notice is a boon

To give small papers gold doubloon.

Since even mediocrity

Can still bring out true potpourri.

Since Jan. 1, technology companies
face fines of up to €50 million
($60 million) if they fail to delete
illegal content on their platforms,
ranging from slander and libel to
neo-Nazi propaganda and calls
to violence. The law applies to most
social-media networks in Germany.

A hate monger living in Bonn

Found that his claws had been drawn

On internet post

Where he was the host,

Reducing him to dumb capon.

I.R.S. Paid $20 Million to Collect

$6.7 Million in Tax Debts

From the NYTimes

I wouldn’t give two cents to be

A darn IRS employee.

They do little more

Than spit on the floor

And memo each other with glee.

Ledes & Limericks Tuesday January 9 2018

Newspaper Editor Canned After Twitter
Kerfuffle

Denis Finley of 'Free Press' said Vt. driver's license change
on gender would bring on 'apocalypse'

from newser.com

@jenngidman

An editor down in Vermont

Sent his brain out on a jaunt,

Resulting in tweets

That gave his boss pleats;

A bench in the park he now haunts . . .

Today’s Catty Question: Who Thought

Cat Cafes Were a Good Idea?

A feline cafe in Missouri

With kittens so cuddly and furry

Was taken to court

Because a report

Found mousers in most of their curry.

Amway Made China a Billion-Dollar

Market. Now It Faces a Crackdown.

The Chinese are catching on fast;

They think that Amway should be cast

Back into the sea

To drown noisily,

And if they return to be gassed.

perdre mon travail et perdre ma foi

J'ai commencé à perdre mes repères spirituels lorsque ma femme Amy a fait une fausse couche la semaine après avoir perdu mon emploi de clown au parc d'attractions Circus World à Haines City, en Floride. Nous avions déjà un enfant et j'avais rendu un bon travail à Bottineau, dans le Dakota du Nord, en tant que présentateur de radio, pour venir en Floride redevenir un clown. Mais j'ai été viré pour avoir changé mon maquillage de clown sans demander la permission à la direction. Quelques jours après la fausse couche, j'ai pu mettre Amy et notre bébé Madelaine dans un avion pour aller rester avec ses parents pendant qu'elle récupérait et je cherchais du travail en Floride. Ce que j'ai trouvé était un travail en tant que vendeur dans une station de radio à Natchez, Mississippi. Mais trois jours après ma nouvelle carrière, j'étais tellement terrifiée à l'idée de vivre à part Amy et le bébé que j'ai quitté mon nouveau travail précipitamment et que je suis retournée au Dakota du Nord pendant un blizzard maussade. Quand je me suis présenté à la maison de ses parents, je n'avais pas de travail et pas d'argent - et la voiture dans laquelle je suis monté a laissé tomber un piston le jour suivant et est devenue une pièce sans valeur. J'ai dû faire comme si je croyais en un Dieu aimant au Ciel depuis longtemps, après tout ce qui est arrivé.

俳句：約束の芽

都市の通りに 新しい生命の脆弱なヒント 種に崩壊する


on a city street the brittle hint of new life crumbles into seed

俳句：死ぬ月

降伏と退色 寒い目に見えない夜明けが待っています 暗い枝の中で

yielding and fading a cold unseen dawn awaits in the dark branches

My Daughter Daisy's Missionary Email, from San Clemente, California.

Hey Everybody! Long time, no email haha. Sorry about not writing for a few weeks, it's been so crazy busy with the holidays and everything else that's been happening that I've hardly had time!!

The holidays were so awesome, just being with members and missionaries all the time has kept my spirits pretty high :) 

Lately we've been having tremendous success in finding people to teach and even setting some baptismal dates for some of our investigators!! Lisa is one investigator who came to church a few weeks ago with a friend, and has had Mormon friends her whole life. This was my first Sunday, so everything was kind of overwhelming with meeting new people and stuff, but she walks up to me and my companion and asks if we could teach her the lessons so that she could be baptized!! I was a little speechless, so I'm grateful that my companion had enough sense to answer back that yes, we would love to teach her haha. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, we taught her the first lesson about the restoration of the gospel and she just soaked up everything we had to say. I think God has been preparing her her whole life, and now she feels like she is ready to take that next step and be baptized. I love seeing how Jesus Christ personally impacts people's lives, because I know how much he's impacted mine. I don't hold any shame or guilt for the mistakes I've made, because I've changed my heart and turned my back on those mistakes. I've asked for forgiveness, and received it even when I didn't think I could.  When people know what being baptized actually means to them, it's awesome to see the change that comes over them and how much happier they are. We also have an investigator named Paula, who is a foreign exchange student from Spain, being baptized on the 3rd of February and she is the sweetest person ever. She loves going to church, even though it's three hours haha, and she loves reading the Book of Mormon and the Bible. It's taken her a few months of investigating the church to set a date for baptism, but just yesterday we asked her and she gave us one! We have so much work to do in this area with finding people to teach, and doing lessons, working with the ward members. It's crazy and it's awesome, and there's nowhere else that I'd rather be :) I love being a missionary and I love you, my friends! Don't forget that God knows you personally, knows your wants and needs and is ready to bless you, but you have to ask first. Don't ever be afraid to rely on Him for help and comfort. Have a great week, and happy new year!

Love,

Sister Torkildson ( or as people here like to call me, Sister T. ;)

*****************************************************************************************

My Dear Sister T;

Your email absolutely resonates with a happy and adventurous spirit. I’m so glad you are enjoying yourself and finding a sacred purpose in your life. You are gathering a wonderful treasure in heaven, and will reap fine blessings here as well!

Now . . . let us continue with your writing lessons . . .

Please, when you talk about your investigators, try for more descriptive detail. What do they wear? Shoes. Hats. blouses. Skirts. Hairstyle. Nail color. Etc.

You gave us some information on Paula, namely that she is an exchange student from Spain. Well and good -- now, we want to know, we need to know, we deserve to know does she have an accent; what does she think of American food; where in Spain is she from (the Spanish are extremely territorial about their cities and provinces); how does she think her family will react to her interest in the Church; where is she going to school and what is she studying; when does she go back to Spain.

Knowing all this, and repeating it in an email, will help fix the details in your mind for a long time to come. And that’s important. Sadly, I cannot remember much of anything about the investigators I taught in Thailand, because I did not bother to record their specific details anywhere. Always avoid generalities when writing, my dear -- they are literary kapok. (a fine, fibrous cotton like substance that grows around the seeds of the ceiba tree, used as stuffing for cushions, soft toys, etc.)

That is all for now, my little begonia. I have been feeling good about 40% of each day -- the rest of the time I often take to my bed to rest and read. I’ve got several conditions that continue to chip away at my strength and health, and hopefully when I finally get on Medicare this fall on my 65th birthday I will be able to have some medical procedures done to reverse my slow decline. Take care, and God bless.  The pater.