During the 1973 season Steve Smith and I were teamed as the Advance Clowns for the Blue Unit of Ringling Brothers Circus; we were billed as Dusty & TJ Tatters. The circus provided us with our own motorhome, with which we traveled the length and breadth of the country, having a blast.
I carried a secret with me on that wonderful tour; a secret which I shared only with Smith. I had decided to send in my papers to Salt Lake to volunteer for a two-year mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, as a proselytizing missionary. No one else knew of my decision.
As that season came to a riotous end, with audiences giving us standing ovations more often than not, Smith asked me to reconsider my decision. We were working so well together, being compared to Laurel & Hardy and the Marx Brothers in the press; it would be foolish to throw away the momentum we were building. But I was adamant. I felt a higher, spiritual, call, which I was bound and determined to answer. I had put it off long enough.
So when old man Feld invited us into his office in Washington, DC, to offer us a new contract as Advance Clowns for the ‘74 season, he met with a surprise. Which he didn’t care for. He, too, urged me to consider how popular we had become as a team, and mentioned a possible Broadway show for us in a few years. I was polite, but firm. I had promised myself, and the Lord, I would do this thing, now and not later. (I don’t want to appear too holier-than-thou in this narrative, so I’ll just add that Irvin Feld did not try to bribe me to stay with a larger salary; if he had, I may have caved in and stayed – I like money just as much as the next sinner!)
With a short bark of laughter, Irvin Feld shook my hand, admired my commitment to my faith, and cynically said I was probably cutting my own throat, career-wise. I could only answer that he was probably right, but I was leaving his employ for two years no matter what. We didn’t part the best of friends, but he did say to give him a call when I got back from my mission.
Smith took on the role of Advance Clown all by himself for the ’74 season, as I went back to Minneapolis, Minnesota, to prepare for my calling.
The long grey envelope from Salt Lake City arrived that winter, signed by Spencer W. Kimball, the President of the LDS Church. I was called by inspiration to serve my two years in the Kingdom of Thailand. I would begin in March. I was to pay my own way with the money I had saved up during the past few years.
Most, if not all of you, are familiar with the pair of white-shirted young men who ride bicycles or walk down the street together, knocking on doors, and holding street meetings. They wear neckties and are always polite and obliging – and get the door slammed in their face most of the time. That is what I was about to become.
Serving a foreign mission involved mountains of paperwork, which I diligently filled out. One of the forms asked me what my former occupation had been. I wrote down “circus clown.” A week later another long grey envelope came from Salt Lake, this time requesting that I please bring my clown equipment with me to Thailand.
Which I did.
The President of the Bangkok, Thailand, Mission, President Morris, wasted no time when I arrived at the Mission Home in sweltering Bangkok. Mormons had a bad reputation in Thailand at the time. Members could not work for the government and were being forced out of the Thai Armed Services. Many large Thai companies refused to hire anyone with an LDS affiliation. The Thai government was on the verge of expelling all non-native LDS missionaries from the country, and we were constantly harassed with long, inconvenient trips to Malaysia in order to renew our temporary visas. President Morris wanted me to start an immediate Good Will Tour of Thailand, as a clown, visiting hospitals, schools, prisons, libraries, ANYWHERE that I could get into, to put on a free show in an effort to lift some of the prejudice against the LDS Church.
So began a long journey through the Kingdom of Thailand, unique in the annals of LDS proselyting. I dressed in the regular garb of a missionary when arranging shows, and then would return as Dusty the Clown – stark white face with just a touch of red and black, baggy, checkered pants, and large, shuffling clown shoes. My stage was anything from an elaborate theater in Bangkok to the back of a flatbed truck out in the rice fields of Khon Kaen. And in between shows I was expected to go out proselyting with my companion, knocking on doors and spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ, just like any regular Mormon missionary
I cobbled together a show featuring most of the schtick I had learned from great clowns like Prince Paul, Otto Griebling, Mark Anthony, Dougie Ashton, and my pantomime mentor Sigfrido Aguilar.
To start my one-clown show I brought out my musical saw in a trombone case, indicating to the expectant audience that a trombone solo was imminent, only to become bemused by pulling out a saw and a violin bow instead – which eventually led to me playing some Thai folk songs on it. I fooled around with pencil balloons. I did Bigger and Bigger with a volunteer from the audience. If I happened to spot a pretty girl in the audience I immediately jumped down and started to flirt with her, making her a balloon poodle and producing a bouquet of magician’s feather flowers, then puckering my lips in expectation of a kiss. The Thais always roared at that one. The show was pretty much improvised from start to finish; sometimes I’d go thirty minutes, sometimes, if the crowd was with me, I’d do a whole hour in the blistering heat. By the time I was done my makeup had literally begun to melt off my face. It was exhausting, but I never felt the pull of zany inspiration more!
President Morris also created a singing group to tour Thailand, called The Latter Day Saints. I became part of that group, providing the comedy relief at intermission.
I don’t know if my efforts ever had any effect on moderating the prejudice against Mormons in Thailand. President Morris never congratulated me for lessening it, so I am left to wonder if I did any good as an itinerant buffoon/missionary. I went back to Thailand to teach English for several years, and it seems as if the Thais, while still the friendliest of people to me individually, are not yet enamored with the LDS Church.
What I do know is that I had a heckuva good time, and I’d do it all over again at the drop of a rubber chicken!
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