THIS KENTUCKY GOVERNOR PARDONED
HUNDREDS OF FELONS HIS LAST
WEEK IN OFFICE.
@jjouvenal
Matt Bevin was the Governor
of hilly Kentucky.
He suffered for the felon
locked in penitentiary.
So he released a hundred,
then a hundred more, or so,
until the hills and valleys
with tough criminals did flow.
They robbed the banks and stole the cars
of honest folk, and then
when cops began to track them down
they shouted out "Amen!"
These crooks all got religion
and were baptized in a lake
(and so the cops relented,
even though twas all a fake.)
So if you're in the pokey
and you yearn for some fresh air,
just look up Mathew Bevin
and say that you rely on prayer.
*****************************
WHAT CAN YOU WEAR THAT DOESN'T
IMPACT THE PLANET?
@RobinGivhan
Robin Givhan. WaPo.
I guess I'll wear some fig leaves
so the planet is preserved.
Although I'd need a lot of 'em,
the way that I am curved.
Plastic will not decompose
and linen needs child labor;
wool is way too scratchy
and hemp feels like a saber.
I could wear my birthday suit,
but somehow I do think
the cops would soon surround me
and then toss me in the clink!
********************************
WILD TURKEYS GIVE HUNTERS
THE BIRD
@smervosh
When hunting the wild turkey
one should always keep in mind
that when it comes to martyrdom
they're strongly disinclined.
Chances are when stalking one
you'll come home empty-handed;
and then a poor provider
you will certainly be branded.
So when you're hunting turkey
get a Butterball, Nimrod --
then spin a tail as tall as those
by sly Scheherazade.
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