Prose Poem: The Little Trees Killer.

 

I'm known as the "The Little Trees Killer."

Or, rather,

I will be known as "The Little Trees Killer"

once my heinous murder spree is uncovered.

You see, I murdered my first husband

by grinding up a bunch of Little Tree

car fresheners and putting them in the

zucchini bread I constantly served him.

He was a very abusive husband.

He shot rubber bands at me.

He used the dog food to feed the

fish in the koi pond --

so my poor little Fluffy had

to go hungry sometimes.

He chewed celery with his mouth open.

He was just a rotten guy.

I put up with his swinish ways

for two years --

then decided to poison him.

It took fifteen more years to do it,

and the doctors said it was the bus

that ran over him while crossing the

street that killed him -- 

but I know my special zucchini

bread contributed heavily to his demise.

Just wait till the police find out!

I'm remarried now, but wouldn't you know 

it --

my second husband is worse than the first

one --

He wears a face mask to bed;

says it's the only way to slow down

the pandemic.

His mother is always coming over

and making him do handstands

in the living room when I want

to play Uno.

His left ear winks at me.

And he insists on keeping a cheap

pocket watch, that ticks so loud

it gives Fluffy a migraine.

So he's getting my special

zucchini bread, too.

And this time, to speed things

up a bit,

I'm including lard in the

recipe.