Why I Don't Travel Anymore

Why bother going round the globe in search of the quixotic,

When my apartment building offers so much that’s exotic?

For botanizing pleasure all I need’s the laundry room,

Where faulty drains are filled with mold and fungi’s vivid bloom.

Amidst this verdant splendor there are animals galore

That residents walk in the halls, where they can leave their spoor.

I’ve seen the nimble spider at his work near smoke detector,

And marveled at the dumpster divers sipping their sweet nectar.

And I could spend a lifetime on the study of the quirks

Belonging to the many tribes of janitors and clerks.

All the world’s within my view; I’ve little need to wander

To find all sorts of ambience on which to deeply ponder!  

I Miss Dave Moore

I miss Dave Moore. He did the news on WCCO TV in Minneapolis forever. I grew up knowing that anything Dave Moore said about Art Naftalin or Minnehaha Falls was the copper bottomed truth, and probably very important to my well being -- even though as a kid I had more pressing concerns to deal with, like where to play kickball when they were paving the streets or preserving my allowance to purchase the latest MAD magazine.

Dave Moore gave the local news with an earthy panache, as well as detail, that no longer seems to exist. I hope I’m wrong, but the local news that was a constant background chatter for me as a kid has disappeared -- or have I just gone hard of hearing?  

If you seek the local news, you’re seeking it in vain.

The local news is owned by corporations who will reign

Over your opinions and perceptions, but refuse

To give you anything that passes as your local news.

Newspaper or radio, or television station --

Local stories now have gone on permanent vacation.

City council meetings or a school board jamboree --

Thinking they’ll be covered by the news is fantasy.

Or if by chance they’re mentioned by the local fourth estate,

It’s only cuz there is a chance it will make good clickbait.

Our sense of neighborhood and of community is nil,

As algorithms manufacture nothing but warm swill.

The Silly Male Animal

“In many species, males tend to do somewhat stupid things that end up getting them killed in silly ways, and it appears that may have been true for mammoths also,” said Love Dalén, an evolutionary biologist from the Swedish Museum of Natural History.  From the NYTimes.

The mammoth was a mighty beast; his feet did shake the ground.

His trumpet roar was hideous and heard for miles around.

But when he tried to take a mate by stamping on the ice,

He sunk into the muddy ground and now sleeps with the gneiss.

The dinosaur had massive brawn, though cousin to the birds;

He could thrash and crash and mash opponents into curds.

But after making sure his mate had laid her eggs discrete,

He trampled on them tenderly -- and now is obsolete.

And so dumb beasts of male persuasion silly things will do.

That is why we like to watch them living in the zoo.

Human males are also prone to posturing unwise --

Will they too disappear for good beneath much better skies?

Christians feeding others to the lions nowadays

Christians feeding others to the lions nowadays

Should not be surprising but engender lots of praise.

Reactionary dogmatists protect our moral fiber

While they’re throwing liberals into the flowing Tiber.

It’s something of a hobby for the upright and sincere

To never flagellate themselves, but whip the cavalier.

For heaven will not tolerate diversity in thought;

Salvation must be merited (or maybe even bought.)

Let’s celebrate the Bible for its message crystal clear

That dissidents be crucified with hymns of godly cheer.

Sowing seeds of hatred is most surely not caprice

When you claim the backing of the gentle Prince of Peace.

In America, No Unions Need Apply

A week ago, reporters and editors in the combined newsroom of DNAinfo and Gothamist, two of New York City’s leading digital purveyors of local news, celebrated victory in their vote to join a union.

On Thursday, they lost their jobs, as Joe Ricketts, the billionaire founder of TD Ameritrade who owned the sites, shut them down.  From the NYTimes.

America the Pitiful is just a step away

From busting all the unions that get in the rich man’s way.

Like some feudal baron who thinks vassals are his right,

He punishes employees with his monetary might.

Guilds and labor unions are now under vicious siege

By the Lords of Wall Street who prefer noblesse oblige.

But trusting to the whims of plutocrats has never yet

Provided common workers with a decent safety net.

If you are considering a union membership

Just remember you are angling for that old pink slip.

The rich don’t have a union -- not as far as I can see.

But you can bet they all belong to this conspiracy!

Like the Red Queen in Alice, Trump Shouts "Off with their heads!"

The Red Queen in Alice roared “Off with their pates!”

In Washington Trump calls for similar fates

For ev’ry transgressor that he does assess

As causing Americans heavy distress.

To him judge and jury are useless at best.

He wants the bad guys to be guillotine’s guest.

He’s hoping and hopping for kangaroo courts,

Reviving old Rome’s bitter savage blood sports.

And when innocents get caught up in the mix,

He’ll send his regrets down the cold River Styx.

The right of due process, in his estimation,

No longer applies in our murderous nation.

Instant Noodle Review: Mama brand; shrimp flavored. From Thailand

So I bought a dozen different kinds of ramen-type noodles at the Asian Market here in Provo yesterday. Being a bachelor, I eat a lot of instant noodles -- so I wanted to compare them, see which, if any, are superior, and which, if any, are foul enough to avoid.

The package says to pour boiling water over the Mama noodles and let stand for three minutes. I'll add a raw egg to the dry noodles, along with some parsley and pickled carrots.

After it was done steeping, I put in a dash of lime juice and a squirt of fish sauce (which I put in just about everything except french toast.) I'm having a mug of chocolate soy milk with it.

The noodles kept their firmness, which made for a nice mouth feel. The broth was very good, but of course that may be because of the raw egg. The whole shebang only lacked for some scallions. This brand is extremely convenient, since I don't even have to dirty a pot to boil the noodles in -- just pour boiling water over 'em from my tea kettle. This is a brand I'll stock up on again. One package costs 49 cents.

John Kelly Puts His Foot in His Mouth Talking About the Civil War

If, by appearing on Laura Ingraham’s show on Monday night, John F. Kelly was trying to do damage control after the indictments of Trump associates earlier in the day, it did not work.

Instead, Mr. Kelly, the White House chief of staff, resurrected the debate over Confederate monuments — previously fueled by his boss, President Trump, over the summer — and the Confederacy itself. He called Robert E. Lee “an honorable man who gave up his country to fight for his state,” said that “men and women of good faith on both sides made their stand where their conscience had them make their stand,” and argued that “the lack of an ability to compromise led to the Civil War.”

The reaction was swift and unforgiving, with many commentators ridiculing Mr. Kelly for suggesting that slavery was an issue on which a compromise could or should have been reached.  from the NYTimes.

Don’t talk about the Civil War --

You’ll only make the pundits sore.

Although we won it fair and square,

It still is cause for tearing hair.

Consensus on its background lacks

The full support of pesky hacks.

Historians cannot agree

How to handle Robby Lee.

Was he villain, was he saint?

A unifier he sure ain’t.

IF I were the White House staff,

I’d stay as silent as giraffe . . .

Sundar Pichai and the Google Cheeseburger Emoji

From Time Magazine:  Google takes its emojis very seriously.

Responding to criticism about the placement of cheese on Google's version of the cheeseburger emoji, Google CEO Sundar Pichai said that he would take a look at the issue immediately.

"Will drop everything else we are doing and address on Monday :) if folks can agree on the correct way to do this!" Pichai tweeted.

The cheeseburger emoji that poor Google did create

Has caused a lot of heartburn and a bit of feral hate.

They put the cheese beneath the meat, which ev’rybody knows

Is not the way it’s done, except by Martians, geeks, and schmos.

Sundar Pichai, who is boss of Googleland, has vowed

This pasteurized protagonist will never be allowed

To sully screens or media where pictographs are used

Until a firm consensus on its whereabouts is fused.

The controversy rages -- should it go upon the lid,

Or should there be two patties with the cheese placed in the mid?

Oh Sundar, hurry up and think of something that won’t miss --

Before the world goes mad and ev’rybody uses this:    

The Noisy Ocean

Noise pollution has been a growing problem in the oceans and other large bodies of water for decades. Commercial shipping, oil exploration, recreation and even scientific research are all raising the decibel levels within marine habitats, adding to naturally occurring rackets like earthquakes, crashing waves and tidal changes. And because sound travels farther in water than air, each new source has an outsize effect.  From the NYTimes.

The ocean is a noisy place for oysters and seahorses;

The sardines never get to hear the coral’s fine discourses.

What with ships that churn the waves with deafening commotion,

The mermaids now need hearing aids deep down within the ocean.

The sharks and eels are so annoyed at such incessant drilling,

They plough the sandy bottoms with their heads -- like rototilling.

The song of whales is drowned by scuba divers’ bubbly chatter,

And scientific submarines cause jellyfish to shatter.

The starfish fall; the shrimp go limp; the blowfish is deflated --

Even bottom feeders are becoming nauseated.

To stop the din I recommend we fill the seven seas

With soundproofing material -- such as Velveeta cheese!

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Journalist's response:

Interesting story - and a great poem!

--

Saabira Chaudhuri

The Wall Street Journal

The News Building

1 London Bridge Street

London, SE1 9GF

Phone: +44(0)2078429252 Mobile: +44(0)7768464939