Finland has no Income Privacy -- Customer Service -- Ryan Zinke on his way out?

Pamplona can boast of the running of the bulls, Rio de Janeiro has Carnival, but Helsinki is alone in observing “National Jealousy Day,” when every Finnish citizen’s taxable income is made public at 8 a.m. sharp.   NYT

I don't care what my neighbor makes, or what the millionaires

do to dodge their taxes and conduct their high affairs.

Income don't mean anything to me; I'm on a pension.

As long as I get one more day, the rest is just pretension.

******************************

Two people call customer service at the same time to complain about the same thing. One waits a few seconds before a representative gets on the line. The other stays on hold. Why the difference?

There’s a good chance it has something to do with a rating known as a customer lifetime value, or CLV. That secret number is used by all manner of companies to measure the potential financial value of their customers.    WSJ

Whenever I call to complain

I'm waiting forever in vain

for some human sound,

sincere or profound,

that don't sound like it's from Bahrain. 

**********************************

The White House is growing increasingly concerned about allegations of misconduct against Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, according to two senior administration officials, and President Trump has asked aides for more information about a Montana land deal under scrutiny by the Justice Department.    Washington Post.

The President's gang is a study

in ethics that get pretty muddy.

There's Zinke, of course,

upon his high horse;

a conscience as plastic as putty.

***************************************

"There's always one bad apple."

Haiku: in the wintertime

in the wintertime
people try to live alone
the colder it gets

The Washington Post's John Hudson is the new Superintendent of Abkhazia

What does it take to become the Superintendent of Abkhazia? It takes guts, determination, honesty, unflinching pulchritude, and a keen eye for zinc oxide formations in the Dolomites. All of these attributes John Hudson has in abundance. And that is why this past year, amidst the traditional pomp and noise of Abkhazian nose flutes and whiffle ball doubleheaders, Mr. Hudson became the 201st Superintendent of Abhakzia.

It was not an easy path that John had to trod to reach this personal triumph. As a child he was afflicted with chestnut blight, and barely survived the anarchy that followed the dissolution of the Elmo Lincoln Society. He had to work his way through Michigan State University as a face painter with the circus -- taking long distance courses on the internet when the show was stranded in Penn Yan in the Finger Lakes region for sixteen months due to a severe infestation of rabid millipedes. 

After graduating with a degree in international relations, John shipped out to sea on a cruise liner as a lime rickey specialist. He saw action in the Celebes Sea and off the coast of the Kra Peninsula. When his vessel docked at Addis Ababa he jumped ship for a chance to bicycle across the Great Rift Valley with the Gwinnett Stripers, where he came to the attention of a talent scout from Dollywood -- who hired him as a bouncer. From there it was just a matter of months before the Washington Post inevitably picked him up as their overseas correspondent.

When the former Superintendent of Abkhazia, Turhan Bey, was forced to abdicate because of his uncontrollable anchovy fetish, there was no doubt in anyone's mind that only John Hudson could take over and restore the former integrity and sagacity of the Superintendent's position. His reforms to date include phasing out the antiquated Rite of Bloomers Pinching and updating the Abkhazian alphabet to include the letters 'P', 'D', and 'Q.' 

His autobiography, which is due out in the spring, is called "How Granola Saved Western Civilization." 

**************************************

"Bonkers, if you ask me."

Greg Jaffe, of the Washington Post, has an amazing array of super powers

Greg Jaffe. Superhero.

(Author's note:  Most journalists have very drab and flabby professional biographies. They are boring and uninformative. As a public service I have taken it upon myself to rewrite their life stories, one reporter at a time. I think you'll agree that after my treatment they are much more interesting and have a real shot at the Pulitzer Prize and/or a Hollywood contract.)


Although he possesses a mere BA in English from Williams College, Greg Jaffe has become one of the most potent super heroes on the East Coast, while masquerading as an inquisitive national security reporter for the Washington Post.

 Among his many astonishing powers is the ability to never pay for a cup of coffee when he goes out with colleagues to Starbucks. Through the exercise of a psychic kinetic link that is but poorly understood yet by science, he can 'influence' his friends and associates to pick up the tab, and feel good about it. The money he saves with this strange skill is donated to an island compound for abandoned iguanas in the Galapagos. 

Another of his weird talents is sneezing in Esperanto -- an obscure language that once threatened to overtake the civilized world prior to World War One. His timely sternutations have been known to stop filibustering Senators in their tracks, and to cause cloudbursts in the McMurdo Dry Valleys of Antarctica.

He once ate an entire McDonald's Happy Meal without ever saying "I know it's not good for me, but it sure tastes good." The repercussions of this startling episode are still being felt in Ulaanbaatar and Oaugadougou. 

Unknown to the general public, which worships him like an ancient Greek god, Jaffe hides a secret affliction that may end his superhero career prematurely; he is allergic to paperclips. They make him break out in Silly String. Should his enemies ever discover this Achilles heel they will exploit it unmercifully until Jaffe is forced to flee to his covert base of operations at the Montgomery Advertiser -- there to remain as circulation manager for the rest of his days.  

Greg speaks sevplayseral foreign languages -- none of which anyone else recognizes. He plays the bass zither. And enjoys collecting donkey's ears.  


Mr Jaffe kindly emailed his reaction to his portrait, thus:

Well… this is surprisingly accurate. I enjoy Starbucks and Happy Meals!

************************

"It's all Greek to me!"

Sneaking oil out of Iran -- George Soros -- Doesn't Trump Ever Get Tired of Crying 'Wolf'?

But when a new U.S. oil export ban begins on Nov. 5, many of the tricks of seaborne oil smuggling are less likely to be effective at helping Tehran circumvent the coming trade barriers. That is thanks to improved satellite tracking and big-data technology that weren’t widely available just a few years ago      WSJ

When sneaking oil out of Iran

you'd better have some better plan

than switching your flags

or forging bum tags --

try shipping it out in bedpan.

*************************

On both sides of the Atlantic, a loose network of activists and political figures on the right have spent years seeking to cast Mr. Soros not just as a well-heeled political opponent but also as the personification of all they detest. Employing barely coded anti-Semitism, they have built a warped portrayal of him as the mastermind of a “globalist” movement, a left-wing radical who would undermine the established order and a proponent of diluting the white, Christian nature of their societies through immigration.    NYT

The good deeds we do have a way

of being so twisted they fray;

there's many a stooge

will cry "Subterfuge!"

when we try an evil to stay.

*************************************

Norman Ornstein, a political analyst at the conservative American Enterprise Institute, said the 1976 National Emergencies Act was intended to offer the public a clear White House rationale for pursuing emergency actions — a safeguard that Trump has circumvented with his impetuous nature and loose language.  Washington Post. 

Crying 'wolf!' is all Trump does.

He's got more fear than bees have buzz.

Emergencies to him are made

by any passing loud parade.

This Chicken Little ought to be

the symbol of hyperbole.

******************************

"I'm going back to bed."

Haiku: for each fallen leaf

for each fallen leaf

there is a number assigned

and a file in Hell

Trump's Ideas Grow Crazier -- US/Mexico Border to Become Military Zone -- Switching from Pumpkins to Pot

In the last days before a midterm congressional election that will determine the future of his presidency, Mr. Trump seems to be throwing almost anything he can think of against the wall to see what might stick, no matter how untethered from political or legal reality.   NYT

The stranger an idea may be

the more Trump is drawn to it, see?

His outlines bizarre

have carried him far

and stained pages in history.

****************************

WASHINGTON—The number of U.S. troops being deployed to the Mexican border eventually will grow beyond 5,239—the figure officials announced a day earlier—the military commander overseeing the expanding deployment said.

WSJ

Even though with Mexico we're not at war today,

we're sending troops and weapons to their border anyway.

It only goes to prove that when it comes to paranoid,

the White House is a case study for wise old Sigmund Freud.

To babysit the border is a soldier's highest aim

when the Chief his fantasies he simply cannot tame. 

***********************************************

Opening Half Moon Bay to commercial cannabis could change the city forever, they worry, normalizing pot for teenagers, luring outside investors with nefarious motives, and drawing federal scrutiny upon farm laborers, many of whom are undocumented Mexican workers.  Washington Post.

The residents of Half Moon Bay

all want cannabis to stay away.

Their motives are high

but should not apply

to farmers who need extra pay. 

********************

"Piffle!"

Haiku: the weeds will die back

the weeds will die back

the same time as the flowers

when winter rubs them

Haiku: the mad orange leaves

the mad orange leaves

and the brown pompous seed pods

don't care what's coming

Does Social Media Encourage Hate Crimes? -- Trump Continues to Trample the Constitution -- Land O'Lakes Boycott

On Instagram, 11,696 Examples of How Hate Thrives on Social Media  NYT headline

Encouraging hate with a tweet

and Facebook slurs are a real treat

for weak minds that dream

of hearing a scream

from innocents when death they meet.

***************************

President Trump is planning an executive order he says would terminate the automatic right to citizenship for children born in the U.S. to noncitizens, a move most legal experts said would be unconstitutional   WSJ

I think if you're born with no brain

no citizenship can remain,

so I say deport

that dumb White House sport

before he can raise much more Cain.

**************************

Land O’Lakes has withdrawn its support of a conservative lawmaker after the dairy company’s political donation churned up online cries for a boycott of its products. According to the Federal Election Commission, a political action committee for Land O’Lakes, the purveyor of grocery store staples such as butter, milk and cream, gave $2,500 to U.S. Rep. Steve King’s campaign on June 29. King is an Iowa Republican who is the member of Congress most openly affiliated with white nationalism. He has retweeted a Nazi sympathizer and has displayed a Confederate flag on his desk.

Washington Post

A company called Land O'Lakes

used to support lots O'Flakes.

But boycotts persuaded

them to keep unaided

the conservative cesspool O'Fakes.

***********************

"He's lost his marbles."