Santa in the Middle East -- Deck the Halls with Salmonella -- Is There a Defibrillator in Your Stocking? --

Various accounts widely shared in local social media during the weekend before Christmas had Papa Noel, as Christians in Iraq and Syria call him, being arrested by the Iraqi police, drafted into the Syrian army or going off to fight the Islamic State.

by Rob Nordland for the NYT

Santa in the Middle East

is busier than brewer's yeast.

He goes to war or lands in jail;

he has no time to read his mail.

His reindeer must have gone to seed;

his elves disperse like ripe ragweed.

He isn't coming Christmas night;

instead he's in some crude bar fight.

*******************************

Jennie-O Turkey Store Sales is recalling 164,210 pounds of raw turkey because of possible salmonella contamination, the Agriculture Department says.

by Michael Brice-Saddler for the Washington Post

Salmonella reaches out

to give our holidays a clout.

In turkey now it lies in wait

our bowels to really corrugate.

So stick to brandied eggnog, all --

and let mild hiccups deck the hall!

***************************************

A resourceful batch of consumers have adopted a novel method for draining their FSAs before use-it-or-lose-it deadlines kick in at year’s end. They’re using the accounts to fund blood-pressure monitors, transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation machines and other qualified medical products as holiday gifts.

by Janet Adamy for the WSJ

Bandages and cotton swabs are good enough for me

for presents at this yuletide fest around the Christmas tree.

A jumbo bottle of Aleve; some Tiger Balm for aches --

lots of Visine for my eyes, to see the snowy flakes.

No candy canes to suck on; a thermometer will do.

And Preparation H for all that backside hoop-de-doo.

I'm such a hypochondriac that castor oil would lift

my spirits more than any other kind of Christmas gift! 

*************************************

Postcard to President Trump

Haiku

Islamic Terrorists are Richer than Snot -- How Are the Mermaids Biting? -- Congress Goes Home, but Will They Stay There? -- LA Cops Shoot First and Don't Let Anyone Ask Questions Later.

IRBIL, Iraq — More than a year after the collapse of its self-declared caliphate, the Islamic State is sitting on a mountain of stolen cash and gold that its leaders stashed away to finance terrorist operations and ensure the organization’s survival years into the future, intelligence officials and terrorism experts say.

by Joby Warrick for the Washington Post

Terrorists have got a way

of making all their actions pay.

They rob the poor, they rob the rich;

for gold and cash they have an itch.

It's their belief that infidels

can't spend a dime in their own hells.

And so they rob like Al Capone

while praising Allah on his throne.

***********************************

 All told, warming ocean temperatures are pushing hundreds of marine species outside of their traditional ranges, ocean scientists say.

by Robert Lee Hotz for the WSJ

I hope the currents bring to me
a mermaid from the warming sea.
Now that the poles are melting fast,
a water nymph would be a blast.
Who cares that cod play hide and seek?
I'll kiss a kelpie on her cheek!
And maybe dive below the waves
to live among the naiad caves.
I bet the merfolk come to call
when all their fish we cannot trawl.

**************************

Friday evening, House and Senate leaders sent their members home.

by Jennifer Haberkorn for the LATimes

Congress has gone home at last,

having very little passed.

Government shuts down today

(Gee, I hope they stay away . . . )

Peace on earth, goodwill to men

(Till Congress has to meet again!)

********************************

California police have a long history of shredding records to avoid scrutiny of their actions.

by Liam Dillon & Jack Dolan for the LATimes

I think the cops in Inglewood

would likely be misunderstood

if public records told a tale

that proved a law enforcement fail.

And LA gendarmes do not need

to pile up documents, indeed.

Tis better for good law and order

to send that stuff across the border.

In San Francisco I am sure

the constables are clean and pure.

But should there be the slightest doubt,

they'll shred reports like sauerkraut.

So if you want to know what's true

about the boys and girls in blue,

you'd better ask a gypsy crone

to curse them with a cover blown. 

*************************************

Postcard to President Trump

Postcards 9

California ID Cards Rejected by Feds -- Another Mill Town Bites the Dust -- Deformed Hershey Kisses

But the federal government said in a Nov. 21 letter to the agency that two such documents are needed. The DMV has also sent letters to applicants that they must return to complete the process.  by Patrick McGreevy for the LATimes.

Make up your mind, DMV;

do I have a legal ID?

If it is a fraud,

I"ll holler by gawd

and move back to old Tennessee.

******************************

For more than 170 years, employees at the Woolrich woolen mill in Woolrich, Pa., have shut down production between Christmas and New Year’s. This year, the mill will stay closed.

by Ruth Simon for the WSJ

A further stale mill has shut down;

another American town

bereft of good jobs

is loaded with mobs

with nothing to do but melt down.

***************************************

Hershey’s Kisses, particularly the holiday-themed ones, have been turning up with broken tips — and it is leaving a sour taste for some fans of the foil-wrapped confections.   by Lindsey Bever for the Washington Post

A Hershey with a broken tip

leaves a quiver on my lip.

Can't there be one perfect form

the cockles of my heart to warm?

 Next I s'pose my candy cane

will lack red stripes and taste all plain.

Should Santa my spritz cookies spurn,

no eggnog will I ever churn . . . 

********************************

Postcards 8

Defense Secretary Jim Mattis Resigns -- Who Needs Democrats? -- Chinese Hackers Think Big --

The departure of Mattis is likely to be greeted with mixed feelings among some in uniform, many of whom revered him as a straight-talking commander with deep knowledge of military affairs. Still, service members are prohibited from speaking negatively of Trump or other senior leaders.

by Paul Sonne, Josh Dawsey, and Missy Ryan for the Washington Post

Soldiers do not question why;

theirs is but to do or die.

Now that Mattis is kaput,

warriors must all stand moot;

should they contemplate a coup,

they might find a willing crew.

***************************

And he suggested that Senate rules should be changed if necessary so that Republicans could pass the bill without any Democratic support.

by John Wagner & Damian Paletta for the Washington Post

In Roman times that are antique

the Senate shrank to a pipsqueak;

it dithered so that tyrants found

it easy to be kingly crowned.

Could Romans see our plight today,

they'd rip their togas, shout: "Oy vey!"

****************************

Since a military reorganization and a shifting of responsibility for industrial cyber espionage to the Ministry of State Security in late 2015, China’s hackers have been attacking less frequently but with greater impact . . .

by Josh Chin for the WSJ

The Chinese hacker serves the state

by stealing info at a rate

that leaves the Western hacker back

at starting line, just talking smack.

************************************

“The cost of living, especially housing, is what stops the whole world from moving to California,”    from Margot Roosevelt for the LATimes

The beaches and mountains are best,
with flora and fauna so blessed.
But renting a shack
will set you so back
that three squares a day is a jest.


********************************

Does the Press Oversee the Public Welfare? -- Is LA Burning . . . Coal? -- Drones Attack London Airport -- Fairy Tales from Fergus Falls

The press acts as the agent of the public, gathering and compiling diffuse information in the public domain. The press also provides the public with the information it needs to exercise oversight of the government and with information concerning the public welfare . . .
by Deanna Paul & Tom Hanburger for the Washington Post

The press can gather stuff diffuse,

but what can be the final use

of facts and figures on a chart

if writers do not use their heart?

*********************

But nearly a fifth of L.A.’s electricity last year came from the Intermountain coal plant in Utah

by Sammy Roth for the LATimes

The Saints do gladly give away

power to the town L.A.

All the coal smoke stays right here,

making Sunday School so drear.

Children cough and old folks gag;

our spirits soar, our bodies sag . . . 

****************************

LONDON—More than 100 flights at one of Europe’s busiest airports were grounded Thursday by drone operations that authorities say were a deliberate attempt to disrupt travel.

by Robert Wall for the Wall Street Journal

Your travel plans just might be blown

by a meandering drone.

Nobody does know

where one just might show;

the Holiday spirit has flown.

*********************************

In one article, about Fergus Falls, Minn., Mr. Relotius told of a coal plant employee named Neil Becker (who does not exist), related an anecdote about a restaurant employee (to whom he gave a fictional illness and a misnamed son) and described the view of a power plant from a cafe (whose few windows provide no such view), according to Michele Anderson and Jake Krohn, two residents of the town who, baffled by the claims, spent a year researching them.

by Alan Yuhas for the NYT

When writers start to fabricate

their stories just for more clickbait

their editors are shocked to learn

just how much fiction they can churn.

But if they're smart they will not grovel,

telling readers "It's a novel!"