Various accounts widely shared in local social media during the weekend before Christmas had Papa Noel, as Christians in Iraq and Syria call him, being arrested by the Iraqi police, drafted into the Syrian army or going off to fight the Islamic State.
by Rob Nordland for the NYT
Santa in the Middle East
is busier than brewer's yeast.
He goes to war or lands in jail;
he has no time to read his mail.
His reindeer must have gone to seed;
his elves disperse like ripe ragweed.
He isn't coming Christmas night;
instead he's in some crude bar fight.
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Jennie-O Turkey Store Sales is recalling 164,210 pounds of raw turkey because of possible salmonella contamination, the Agriculture Department says.
by Michael Brice-Saddler for the Washington Post
Salmonella reaches out
to give our holidays a clout.
In turkey now it lies in wait
our bowels to really corrugate.
So stick to brandied eggnog, all --
and let mild hiccups deck the hall!
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A resourceful batch of consumers have adopted a novel method for draining their FSAs before use-it-or-lose-it deadlines kick in at year’s end. They’re using the accounts to fund blood-pressure monitors, transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation machines and other qualified medical products as holiday gifts.
by Janet Adamy for the WSJ
Bandages and cotton swabs are good enough for me
for presents at this yuletide fest around the Christmas tree.
A jumbo bottle of Aleve; some Tiger Balm for aches --
lots of Visine for my eyes, to see the snowy flakes.
No candy canes to suck on; a thermometer will do.
And Preparation H for all that backside hoop-de-doo.
I'm such a hypochondriac that castor oil would lift
my spirits more than any other kind of Christmas gift!
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