Another Der Spiegel reporter, who visited Minnesota in recent days to chronicle Mr. Relotius’s missteps, suggested that Fergus Falls might be “the most forgiving city in the Western Hemisphere.”
by Matt Furber & Mitch Smith for the NYT.
Once upon a time in Fergus Falls, of Minnesota,
a journalist wrote vicious lies -- of truth not one iota.
I guess he thought the simple truth would not provide click bait,
instead he wrote with poison pen like some exotic krait.
He got his just desserts at last, and now is a pariah
who cannot earn a living with his pen -- not one rupiah.
The folks of Fergus Falls at first did not know what to do --
hire a good lawyer or move en masse to far Baku?
At last they took the higher road, the path of blithe forgiving;
eschewing all acerbity, they happy now are living.
If only other cities and their citizens could learn
that no one ever prospers from a grudge and slow heartburn!
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As of right now, they’re most excited about An Unnamed Candidate. More than half of Democrats pick “someone else” as the person about whom they’re most enthusiastic . . .
by Philip Bump for the Washington Post
The Democrats will nominate
someone who will demonstrate
firm resolve on issues that
they can talk on through their hat.
And the winning nominee
should be vague and absentee.
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The Farmers’ Almanac, which distributes 1.7 million copies and has about 1.3 million social-media followers, says it does its forecast two years ahead of its release using a secret mathematical formula applied to sunspot activity, planet positions and the moon’s effect on the Earth.
The Old Farmer’s Almanac, which distributes 3.3 million print copies and has about 1.8 million followers on social media, makes predictions as much as 18 months out using formulas based on solar activity, astronomy cycles and historical weather conditions. Both almanacs claim about 80% accuracy rates.
by Jennifer Levitz for the WSJ
Predicting weather patterns is a goose chase that is wild;
no one but the Lord himself knows whether rough or mild.
The elements combine in systems algorithms dread;
even statisticians do not like to make a spread.
But since mankind insists that they just have to play at God,
there has to be a gimmick for the weather by some fraud.
As for me, I often find that whether rain or shine
as long as I am breakfasted the weather's always fine.
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Hundreds of new California laws take effect on Jan. 1, imposing a raft of new mandates on scores of issues, including rules dictating when plastic straws will be handed out at restaurants, that workplace sexual harassment settlements are disclosed and that set new limits on the ownership of guns.
by John Meyers for the LATimes
The Golden State has made so many laws this passing year,
as numberless as sparkles from a classic chandelier,
that how to keep firm track of 'em would puzzle Faraday,
and cause the wits of Isaac Newton to go far astray.
I guess the only thing to do is stay at home and cease
dealing with the outside world, lest I disturb the peace.
And when they find my carcass, on which rats begin to gnaw,
at least they can inter me as "One Who Obeys the Law."
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