Andrew Ackerman, of the Wall Street Journal
Mr. Ackerman comes from a long line of people. Some were tall; some were short; some were skinny; some were stout; some were male; and some were female. But all of them, every single one, was a human being. This remarkable fact has led sociologists to label his pedigree as "commensurate." In fact, in 1998 Mr. Ackerman was awarded the Peabody Wurlitzer Medal for Disinclination. His many other awards are mentioned somewhere else that only his Aunt Janice knows about.
He began life as a shoe shine boy and quickly worked his way up to penury by inventing a shoe polish that smelled like an anchovy pizza (but unfortunately still tasted like shoe polish.)
Working his way through college as an Inuit, he graduated magna cum loudly with a degree in pluralism. He also majored in the antecedents of the Decembrist Revolt.
Today Mr. Acker is both feared and fleared by the banking industry in America for his unflinching examination of the Taft-Hartley Act of 1947 and its impact on President Grant's infamous Pinochle Ring. Some say that without Mr. Ackerman's astute interpretation, our banking system today would consist of nothing more than a nitpicking collection of Green Stamps. And others insist that his encyclopedic knowledge of the zloty exchange rate inspired the invention of cryptocurrency. Or Charlie Weaver -- the point is debatable.
Mr. Ackerman's advice to aspiring journalists is simple and direct: "A before E, except after C."
Well said, Mr. Ackerman -- well said!
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