Verses from Headlines in the New York Times * Trump Administration to Roll Back Clean Water Protections * ‘Simply Unacceptable’: 145 Executives Demand Senate Action on Gun Violence * A French Worker Died After Sex on a Business Trip. His Company Is Liable.

I think that you can never fake

a thing as lovely as a lake.

But with the rules now in retreat,

that lake will look just like mincemeat.

And streams that I have loved to fish

will now force me to holler "Ish!"

The mighty ocean waves I cherish

now with toxins will be garish.

Farewell to turtles and the loon --

I might as well swim on the moon . . . 

*************************

The Founding Fathers wanted us

to gain our wounds with bloody pus

as we shoot each other oft,

cuz on guns we're always soft.

It's our right to blaze away,

with equal rights to be the prey.

*************************

Grim death a grin was forced to check,

escorting this guy down to Heck.

Adulterer though he might be,

his victim still felt heavenly!

Verses from Headlines in the Washington Post * Lawsuits. Possible bankruptcy. Declining numbers. Is there a future for the Boy Scouts? * California could become the largest state to ban facial recognition in body cameras * There seems to be no end to the rise in student loan debt.

Sir Baden-Powell would want to howl if he could see the mess

his Boy Scouts are enduring from the public and the press.

They're going bust, and lack the trust of parents near and far;

the courts are chewing on them like a fresh granola bar.

They can't stay straight, and it's their fate that "duty" is a word

despised by many and regarded as a bit absurd.

************************************

Facial recognition is now something I despise.

I consider privy all my nose and mouth and eyes.

Surveillance of my homely pan is surely no concern

of distant busybodies on whom I could drop a quern.

I think I'll wear a mask of Donald Trump when I'm outdoors,

and go around all naked robbing lots of jewelry stores . . .  

***********************

A junior in college exclaimed

"My credit score's gonna be maimed

when these student loans

turn into millstones

and make my poor parents ashamed!"

and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you,

. . . and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you . . . 
Mosiah 4:12

We come from God in Heaven, ev'ry color, race, and creed.

Our Father knows each one of us and what we always need.

His watch care is eternal and He casts His net so wide

that no one is excluded and there's no one who can hide.

His mercy and His justice, and His gentle kindness, too,

are comprehended fully when we keep His love in view.

Verses from Headlines in the Washington Post * A woman has been in a coma for weeks after using mercury-tainted skin cream * Dangerous new hot zones are spreading around the world * iPhone 11 first look: That’s an awful lot of cash for a camera * Supreme Court says Trump administration can begin denying asylum to migrants while legal fight continues

I've never thought it very wise

to spread much goo around my eyes.

To battle wrinkles, moles, and skin

that's scaly, I just like to grin.

A smile makes ugly faces shine,

even one as raw as mine.

*****************************

Have you heard the latest scoop?

Earth is boiling like bean soup!

Hot spots ev'rywhere appear,

drying lakes and roasting deer.

Cities have become the haunt

of mirages, faint and gaunt.

So it's easy now to tell

that the earth has gone to hell.

*********************************

I am done with modern tech,

cuz my budget is a wreck.

When I want to buy a phone

I negotiate a loan.

And the cost of my wifi

has just really gone sky high.

Analog, I'm coming back

to your world without a hack.

*****************************

This land of opportunity for victims and the poor

has been hijacked by hoodlums who are slamming the front door.

The welcome wagon has been towed, barbed wire sales expand,

as feeble-minded partisans 'protect' the fatherland.

There's nothing now preventing selfish motives from success;

America the beautiful has decided to regress.

The honest hand of fellowship extends an inch or two,

but after that the immigrant will find it's jujitsu.

Verses from Headlines in the New York Times * White House Pressed Agency to Repudiate Weather Forecasters Who Contradicted Trump * New Electric Eel Is Most Shocking Yet * California Bill Makes App-Based Companies Treat Workers as Employees.

It ain't smart to disagree/with a whale when you're a flea/Telling whales it will not rain/will give fleas a lot of pain/Silence never is more golden/than when to a whale your job's beholden.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

What the heck is the appeal

of the darn electric eel?

Scientists get tied in knots

with the creature's kilowatts.

Journalists get writer's cramps

from the slimy serpent's amps.

Me, I'd give it such a boot

if it got electro-cute.

********************************

Economies may come and go

but workers stay to plant and grow.

In factory or cubicle,

surly or cherubical,

the toiler never seems to get

much more than the chance to sweat.

Laws are passed to give them clout;

still they go the same old route --

drudgery till time of death,

and taxed each time they draw a breath.

persuadeth to do good

But he that believeth these things which I have spoken, him will I visit with the manifestations of my Spirit, and he shall know and bear record. For because of my Spirit he shall know that these things are true; for it persuadeth men to do good.
Ether 4:11

Entice me, Lord, to do the good

I know and feel I always should.

I do believe the joyous news

you give when prophets air their views.

Thy spirit I would always keep

when doubts and errors on me creep.

Thy truth alone can light my path

to safety on the day of wrath!

Headlines from the Washington Post * A GOP state lawmaker said the U.S. should ‘get rid of’ colleges for being ‘liberal breeding grounds’ * A new Monopoly game celebrates innovative women — and pays them more than men * Did a cashier steal 1,300 credit card numbers with a ‘photographic memory?’ Experts doubt it.

Who needs an education in this callow century?

Look how far the White House gets with plain stupidity!

What we need are citizens who know which side the bread

is buttered for their benefit, and not some darn egghead.

Fraternities are snobbish and sororities obscene;

let's send our kids to work the fields like Mao did in between.

****************************** 

Women ought to get more dough/than a man because they show/more ability at work/Man was born to be a clerk/This I know because my mate/tells me this each night at 8.

***********************************

My memory is not so hot/in fact you could say it is shot/All my passwords I forgot/My car keys disappear a lot/My memoirs will be worth just squat/and all my life's an afterthought.

and they were filled with that joy which is unspeakable and full of glory.

. . . and they were filled with that joy which is unspeakable and full of glory.
Helaman 5:44

The ancients spoke of joy unbound

which today can still be found --

when faith and courage intersect,

great glory will arrive unchecked.

Unspeakable, the bliss we hear

when Christ the Lord has got our ear.

I perceive that ye are weak

I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words which I am commanded of the Father to speak unto you at this time.

3 Nephi 17:21

When I was young and cocky all the world was mine to see;

my prospects were enormous, full of possibility.

I understood, or thought I did, my place in time and space.

I'd conquer ev'ry problem and would win each ordained race.

But now my palsied intellect is humbled; I confess

I'm not the man I used to be -- or ever was, I guess.

I'm comprehending more and more how fallible I am,

and that without the help of God my wits are but a sham.

Bank accidentally puts $120,000 in couple’s account. They were arrested after spending it, police say. (WaPo)

First they gave us a cute Labrador puppy. We named it Rowdy. It slept in our bed and smelled like sandalwood. Children in the neighborhood came to visit us just to fondle its silken ears. In its yellow eyes we saw fields of ramrod straight sunflowers.
A box on our porch one morning, with no return address, contained nuggets of pink quartz. Each nugget was wrapped in a fresh banana leaf. Each pink crystal vibrated a simple pensive tune when exposed to sunlight, sounding like glass harps. They were warm and comforting when held in the hand.
A dark green delivery van dropped off a rosewood box in which nestled a dozen exquisite golden crickets. Their eyes were shards of ruby. When pressed gently between the thumb and forefinger the golden crickets emitted a soft click. We gave them to the children who came to stroke Rowdy's ears.
Next came a bag filled with pure white manna, which never became empty no matter how much we ate from it. The manna tasted of honey wafers and truffles. We fed some of it to Rowdy, who then began talking in French. 
"Where do you think all this stuff is coming from?" I asked my wife one day. "Is there a genie or a good fairy doing this, or what?"
"I don't know" she replied. "But some day someone will come asking for it all back -- just wait and see."
But the years went by and no one came to our door asking for any of the marvelous gifts back. 
A hat came, woven of vicuna wool and lined with chamois. Whoever wore it had the power to turn plastic bags into colored sand. 
We received a certificate giving us the official patent for the color red; money came pouring in from the makers of spaghetti sauce and firetruck manufacturers.
I'll never forget when the rake arrived. The handle felt like a Louisville Slugger and the tines were made of long thin pine cones. It not only raked up the leaves, but automatically bundled them with twine like sheaves of harvested grain. Each sheave was so beautifully stippled that we couldn't bear to send it to the landfill, so we kept them, stacked higher and higher, in the backyard against the garage. 
On a cheerless March day Rowdy lay down and died, bidding us a soft 'adieu.' Several years later my wife also died. And then the gifts stopped coming. Or maybe I just didn't notice them anymore when they arrived. Until one evening, early in spring, a man came to the door and asked for everything back.
"It was all a mistake" he told me. "You were never meant to receive any of it." 
I smiled at him. "I wish you could have met my wife" I told him, happy and sad at the same time. "She always said this day would come."
"What happened to her?" he asked in the gentlest and most loving voice I will ever hear.
"She went away to the Marmalade Fields" I told him. Before he could respond I had to ask "Could you take me to her?" 
"Sure" he said. "I can do that. But what about all the stolen merchandise you two received? It has to be accounted for."
"It's all here, I guess" I told him. "Take it back, no problem. Except for the crickets -- we gave those to some kids. And the bag of manna -- we gave that to a homeless man."
"I know" said the man on my front porch. "I was those kids and I was that homeless man." We shook hands and walked off into the night.