Thursday, December 19, 2019

Un remède sûr pour les porcs de couverture




Ce n'est pas facile de partager un lit. Avec les meilleures intentions du monde, il semble toujours qu'au moins un partenaire ronfle, aime faire de la rumba dans son sommeil, parle dans son sommeil, se faufile quelque chose à manger au lit juste avant d'aller dormir, se coupe les ongles des orteils juste avant d'aller dormir, garde une lumière sur la moitié de la nuit pour lire, ou, pire encore, monopolise la couverture. Il n'y a pas de statistiques fiables disponibles, mais les thérapeutes relationnels sont tenus de mettre «la couverture la nuit» là-bas avec avarice et grinchosité comme l'une des principales raisons pour lesquelles les mariages et autres relations finissent par devenir ker-flooey. Donc, si vous vivez avec un porc de couverture, vous pouvez maintenant prendre courage. Pas besoin d'aller voir un bon avocat en divorce; au lieu de cela, rendez-vous dans le magasin de matelas le plus proche et achetez l’une des nouvelles housses de lit révolutionnaires de Simba. Cet appareil dandy pratique est un rouleau de couverture en duvet doux qui entoure complètement votre lit. Donc, la nuit, lorsque le porc de couverture commence ses mouvements prédateurs pour rassembler toute la chaleur, ils sont empêchés de priver leur partenaire de leur juste part de la couette - au lieu de cela, la couverture, comme une serviette sur un rouleau, boucle simplement environ. Cela va sans aucun doute prendre en charge de nombreuses nuits blanches à l'avenir. Simba n'a pas encore dit s'ils travaillaient sur un rouleau de couverture électrique. On ne peut qu'espérer. . .

Photo Essay: This is where I live.




You need a flag
in front of
Government (ware)housing.



Valley Villas -- my last home.
It looks better at night.




The Community Room.
We hold our Sacrament Meeting here
on Sundays at 10 a.m.




The lobby,
all tricked out
for Christmas.





Many residents believe
the elevators
are haunted.




Looking down 
my hallway --
I'm starting to use the railings.





My apartment door.
I hardly ever use it.
I prefer my back patio door.




The laundry room.
Washers are a dollar.
Dryers are fifty cents.





My bathroom.
I spend too much time in there --
not bathing or primping.





My bedroom.
I made the bed
after I took this photo.






The thermostat
is in the living room.
It is 25 years old.

They which lead thee

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O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.
Isaiah 3:12

Almighty God, today we ponder
leaders who are apt to wander;
faulty guides down paths deceptive,
while to their lies we've been receptive.
Can this nation long endure,
that will not keep thy statutes pure?
Help us repent of sin this day,
before our birthright slips away!

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Photo Essay: Morning Thoughts. Vol. 1


This kind of pink
has more passion
than red.




Why are
clouds
horizontal?





I'm not awake enough
to see this 
well.






Dawn
is its own
message.

May the Lord preserve his people in righteousness

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3 Nephi 4:29

Lord preserve thy children always
from the wicked wiles of men;
help us to find haven with thee,
give each saint the strength of ten!
Help us not be hasty judges,
nor complaisant about wrongs;
we must stand together always,
showing truth thru acts and songs.
And when disaffected wretches
threaten peace, embracing war,
we will be thy stout defenders,
even if we have to roar!



Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Whistle Blowers.



Whistle blowers are unique
in the crackpot world's boutique
Lacking axes which to grind
they just do it for mankind
When there's gaps in what they know
they let speculation grow/
But in the heart of ev'ry snitch/
is the hope of getting rich. 

Jubilee

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And ye shall hallow the fiftieth year, and proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof: it shall be a jubilee unto you; and ye shall return every man unto his possession, and ye shall return every man unto his family.
Leviticus 25:10

Heartsick and captive, I lay down to die.
No mercy or justice to me could apply.
I'd shot my last bolt and was hollowed out good;
I tasted of nothing but gall and wormwood.
But in my despair came a voice unto me,
declaring the Lord would soon hold Jubilee.
My chains would retreat and my heart would take wing;
of marvels and mercy I'd soon want to sing.
I saw that my liberty soon would arrive,
with once more the chance to grow happy and thrive. 
My doubts fall away and my sorrows retreat,
as I wait on the Lord for his Jubilee sweet!



Photo Essay: What is different remains the same.




Far away
Close at hand
Felt but not touched.





Mountains anchored --
clouds untethered --
which is happier?






Shadows on a mountain 
can't erode
a single snowflake.







There is no blue
like that above
a mountain.

Monday, December 16, 2019

The Empty Big Box Store



I drove to a big box store to finish my Christmas shopping on Monday. The parking lot was just about deserted. When I went inside there were no frantic crowds or holiday hustle. It was as quiet as a funeral parlor. The muzak was not playing Christmas songs -- it wasn't even on. I asked a clerk, who was playing solitaire on the jewelry counter, where was everybody.

"Don't know" she sighed. "It's been this way since we opened the doors this morning at six. Nobody's coming in; nobody's shopping. You're the first person who's not on staff I've talked to all day. Do you wanna buy some jewelry?"

"No thanks" I told her. "I was looking for fishing gear, actually."

"Aisle eight, right next to the camping equipment" she said.

I wandered over to Aisle 8. I had to keep rubbing my eyes; it looked like cobwebs were forming on all the merchandise. But that couldn't be right. Could it?

A tumbleweed blew past me as I priced stink bait. I got so unnerved that I quietly walked out of the big box store without buying a single thing. That's never happened to me before; I always buy something.

In the parking lot a security guy was writing me a ticket. He stuck it under my windshield as I walked up to my car. He had what looked like a plastic GI Joe walkie-talkie on his shoulder; it was playing Beach Boys songs.

"What's that?" I asked him.

"Ticket" he said shortly. "You can't park here during peak shopping hours. The sign says so, right there." He pointed at a small wet piece of cardboard with crude lettering that said: "NO PARKING HERE WHEN BUSY."

"But that's ridiculous" I told him. "There's no cars in the lot and the store is practically abandoned."

"Yeah" he said. "This year people are staying home and roasting ears of corn in their fireplaces instead of going insane buying presents. I haven't bought a single thing for anyone, and neither has anyone else in my family. This is what the holidays are now."

"So, are you gonna throw away my ticket or what?" I asked him.

"Okay. Sure." He took back the ticket and tore it up.

"Thanks" I said.

"Not a problem" he replied. "But next time I may have to shoot you instead." He grinned at me, but I wasn't at all certain that he was joking with me. I felt cold and very disoriented.

I drove back home and looked at all the presents under the tree. That security guy was right. I took all the packages out to the dumpster next door, where they were renovating their garage, and tossed them all in. Then I felt better and made myself some Kraft macaroni and cheese. It tasted so good I took some over to the homeless shelter across the street to give to anyone who wanted it. 

But they were closed. There was a wet cardboard sign on the darkened door that said "CLOSED DUE TO LACK OF HOMELESS PEOPLE THIS TIME OF YEAR. COME BACK IN THE SUMMER."

"Stupid jerks" I muttered to myself as I went back home. It started to snow, so I built a roaring fire in the fireplace and got out a flashlight and a box of Saltine crackers to create a new religion. 






Signs and Wonders

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And behold this is not all, there shall be many signs and wonders in heaven.
Helaman 14:6

The tendency to disbelieve
the marvels that I oft perceive
in the heavens and below
to maintain the status quo
leaves me sad and wondering --
will I heed the new-born king
when he calls to me today
to shun mere baubles and essay
to worship as the shepherds did --
and do all that my heart is bid.