The P.P.P.

WASHINGTON— Bowing to bipartisan pressure in Congress, the Trump administration said it would release the names of borrowers who received Paycheck Protection Program loans of $150,000 or more, accounting for about 75% of funds lent through the program.
WSJ

The times were troubled and impure,

and biznesses were left unsure

if they could operate at all

as they did slow down to a crawl.

They let all their employees go

and sent their files to Kokomo

(for Kokomo was haven to

great shredding sheds that smelled of glue.)

The breadlines went so long that folks

boiled bark and twigs from nearby oaks

and fed it to their children till

they grew acorns and got quite ill.

At this point good old Uncle Sam

decided on a bold program:

He'd give each bizness such a loan

as would increase testosterone.

The hope was that with money flush

employees back to work could rush

and win a paycheck once again --

to which employers said 'amen.'

And so the PPP was born,

to give out money like popcorn.

Each bizness drooping in the land

was given many thousand grand.

But strange to say, with all that dough,

most workers stayed on long furlough;

they weren't brought back, or if they were

they only worked part time for sure.

Cuz corporations filled with bloat

did pile aboard this gravy boat.

They used the money to reward

themselves, and workers stayed ignored.

The Treasury Department knew

that somehow they had got the screw.

But sitting still on their behind

did give them grateful peace of mind.

Mnuchin and his canny crew

refused to say how much or who

was getting all the loot to spend;

full privacy they did defend.

But Congress, roused from their torpor,

sat up and gave out with a roar:

"We wanna know who got the cash!"

"In case their heads we'd like to bash."

And did Mnuchin cave right in,

and all the info quick unpin?

I think you know the answer, chum;

he's keeping things completely mum.

"Someday" he promises with ease,

"We will release all dates and fees."

"But until then we must protect"

"the data -- have it double checked."

So if you really wanna know

who got all Uncle Sam's nice dough

the only tip you ought to take

is go and jump into the lake . . . 

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?
Amos 3:3

Lonely is the path they trod,

those who do not follow God.

They do not think unity

is a crucial quality.

Nephites learned at their sad cost

when their concord they had lost

that no nation can survive

with dispute in overdrive.

Spare us, Lord, from foolish squabble,

as our country starts to wobble!

Timericks from stories by Ellen Gamerman, Mike Cherney, and Jason Zinoman.

Tim Torkildson. Creator of the 'timerick.'  Awarded 'Ninnyhammer of the Year.' 1989.

When Your Best Friend in Quarantine Is a Squirrel, You May Be Going Nuts.

@EllenGamerman

I do not care for squirrels at all/in summer, winter, spring, or fall/Their antics leave me cold and bored/They do not strike a happy chord/They chew my garden up until/there ain't a single daffodil/The only way I'd love 'em true/is in a pot of Brunswick stew.

Australia Is Being Cyberattacked by State Actor, Prime Minister Says.


Crikey, those hackers are smart/They're taking the country apart/Is Putin to blame/or is it a game/that Beijing is willing to start?



How Richard Pryor Changed the Way Comedy Sees Police Brutality
@zinoman


Remember Sennett's Keystone Kops/and their very brutal ops/Wielding nightsticks right and left/Comic's heads they deftly cleft/In those silent days of yore/they beat Fatty, Chaplin, sore/Grandpa laughed and Grandma grinned/Everyone was more thick-skinned.

Let us make a joyful noise

O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.
Psalm 95:1

Humdrum as my day may be,

I'll celebrate it gratefully.

Arthritic joints and laundry stale

will not my joyfulness impale.

For out of solid rock is hewn

salvation as my sacred boon.

A can of beans for my repast --

Still I am God's, both first and last!

Timericks from stories by Liz Hoffman, Justin Scheck, Michael Wilson, and Isaac Stanley-Becker.

Tim Torkildson, creator of the 'timerick,' and Founder of Applesauce Anonymous.

Eddie the Repo Man Has Time on His Hands: What Happens When Your Debt Is Suspended

@lizrhoffman

Eddie Whiteman had a truck/and he towed those out of luck/Now that banks are friendly-like/Eddie can go ride a bike/Repo man, your tragedy/doesn't even bother me/Living off of other's grief/you're no better than a thief.

Mr. Chuck Roerhrich responed to the above poem in the Wall Street Journal thus:  

So you'd allow someone who stops making payments to keep the car?
If someone doesn't want to be arrested, should the police just let him walk away?

Mr. Paul Kahn, also from the Wall Street Journal, emailed me this marvelous response to the above poem:
Can you loan me a few thousand or so. I may or may not be able to pay you back but since you seem like the generous sort at least with other peoples money I was hoping you would be just as generous with your own. 

A third person has chimed in, via email, on my above poem. This is Mr. Chad Martin, from the Wall Street Journal Commentary section:

Tim,

Grow up and realize life is not easy or fair

Dont try to give away other peoples moneyIf you know a better way, give your OWN money away. 

The Pandemic Isn’t Over. New Yorkers Are Acting as if It Were.

@MWilsonNYT

Pandemic times are here to stay/but in New York they simply say/'Let's eat and drink and merry be/Who cares about mortality?/We'd rather with each other grapple/than stay shut up in the Big Apple!'

As protests spread to small-town America, militia groups respond with armed intimidation and online threats.

@isaacstanbecker

Militias are no guarantee/that I am secure, clear and free/Those gun-tottin' hayseeds/do not count their prayer beads/when striking their dread timpani.

Rest in the Lord

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
Psalm 37:7

Why should I fret or judge the world

 for all the folly now unfurled?

The Lord of Hosts will sort things out --

whether war or plague or drought.

The wicked on the void do tremble;

their only thought is to dissemble.

But I will turn from them to find

the rest of God for peace of mind.

Photo Essay: Postcards mailed to President Donald Trump, reporter Natalie Andrews, reporter Jesse Newman, and reporter William Wan.

To:  President Trump

To: Natalie Andrews

To: Jesse Newman

To:  William Wan

Timericks from stories by Micah Maidenberg, Annie Gasparro, Julia-Ambra Verlaine, and Brian X. Chen.

Tim Torkildson, inventor of Timericks, and CEO of Rent-a-Mime.

Aunt Jemima to be Dropped Over Origins in Racial Stereotype

@Annie_Gasparro   @MicahMaidenberg

So long Aunt Jemima and goodbye to Uncle Ben/You are a reminder of our racist businessmen/Nowadays our images must be so squeaky clean/that even jolly giants can no longer display green.

The Upside of Lockdowns: Finally Time to Read ‘War and Peace’

@JAVerlaine

I never have read War and Peace/I do not think I'll start it/No matter what the critics say/I cannot grow to heart it.

Tackling the Unsolvable Problem: The Bottomless Email Inbox

@bxchen

I've got so many emails

my inbox is a mess.

I've got a million of 'em,

or even more I guess.

The world and all its birdbrains

must talk to me it seems --

The spam alone is countless;

I can't suppress my screams.

Then friends and fam'ly crowd me

with photos, memes, and quotes --

I'd like to put my fingers

around their little throats.

How nice if I could backtrack

to pioneering times --

communicate by pigeon

and only spend some dimes.

And men are instructed sufficiently

And men are instructed sufficiently that they know good from evil.
2 Nephi 2:5

Life is not a lottery.

Our choices make our destiny.

There is no luck -- we always know

what is wrong and apropos.

Instructed by a loving Hand,

we build on rock or fickle sand.

Select the good for peace of mind.

and leave your ignorance behind!

Timericks from stories by Jason Gay, Sha Hua, and Dustin Volz

Tim Torkildson, inventor of the timerick and of the chocolate covered pickle.

If There’s No Baseball, Will You Miss It?

@jasongay

If baseball's gone, sure I will miss it/I promise I will never diss it/if they ever bring it back/No umpire I'll call a hack/Those hotdogs at the ballpark are/not rancid, but a superstar!/What gods there be that stage such things/know baseball is the Sport of Kings!

Beware of Falling Tofu: China Takes on High-Altitude Littering.

@shashamimi

Lookout below! the tenant cries/as he throws garbage from the skies/Twenty stories overhead/he tosses out potato shred/and doesn't give a flying fig/that he is such a lofty pig/But down below the refuse hits/until Beijing is sure the pits/Perhaps if tenants were thrown out/instead they'd turn a bit devout.

CIA’s ‘Lax’ Security Led to Massive Theft of Hacking Tools, Internal Report Finds

@dnvolz

The CIA is now so lax/they welcome internet attacks/So busy as a cyber bully/they are not protected fully/The Russians and the Chinese smirk/cuz looting us is easy work.